tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58160759381060356252023-11-16T07:59:16.817-08:00QuiddityKarenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.comBlogger118125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-10482043030741855402014-12-13T08:34:00.000-08:002014-12-13T08:34:04.245-08:00The Raging Hose-beast of Christmas PresentFor those who know me personally or who have read this blog, you will know I absolutely preach self care. I cannot stress the importance enough. My husband has an incredibly demanding and time consuming job. We homeschool our children and they both veer towards an empathic nature. I have a very strong personality. The result is I tend to set the emotional tone for both my home and my family. Taking care of my emotional needs is vital for our peace and tranquility.<br />
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But as you all know, Christmas is upon us. This year is a bit more fraught with stress for us. My husband is flat out getting his butt handed to him at his job. He is amazing but the work level is astronomical and he is struggling to not drown. Another addition is my new part time job. It is greatly beneficial to our lives but it also adds just one more thing.<br />
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Let's cut to the chase. I have not been eating well. I have skipped far too many yoga practices, meditation sessions, and I need to go for a run so badly I might just take off in my house shoes here in any minute. I woke up this morning with my mind racing and physically shaking. It is just not good at all.<br />
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Now I could muddle through and hope for the best. I guess I could also start day drinking. But let me be honest with you, if you lose your mind this time of year in order to make perfect memories for you family then you are most likely perpetrating an epic fail. There is a very good chance your children's memories won't be of a perfect Christmas. Nope, they will probably have precious and endearing memories of mom turning into a hellacious bitch and holidays as something everyone just tried to make it through as unscathed as possible. Probably not the warm remembrances we were going for, right?<br />
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So what to do, what to do....<br />
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You grab your over-committed, unrealistic expectations by the horns and your wrestle it into submission. But in a loving, peaceful, and zen way, of course.<br />
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Seriously though, this is what I do anytime I whirl out of control like this. First STOP. Just stop. Close your eyes and breathe. Take five minutes to meditate. I promise, you really do have five minutes. Clear your mind and then gentle seek to get to the route of your problem. Mine are lack of self care and unrealistic expectations.<br />
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We are referring back to the oxygen mask here. You put your oxygen mask on and then your children's and anyone else you claim responsibility. Oh, and remember most people are simply not your responsibility. So I take care of my needs first in this instance.<br />
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I need to clear my brain and have a tranquil environment. I grab a piece of paper and brain dump everything I "think" I need to do. Then I clean my home to what makes me happy. For me it is a clean kitchen and clutter picked up. I light candles and turn on chant music of some kind. I have read many articles about chants raising your vibrations. I am not sure how it works but for me it works.<br />
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The first thing apparent, normally, is I am not eating well, doing yoga and mediation practice, or working out especially running. It really is funny the things I know with every fiber of my being I need to stay centered and in harmony are the first thing I chuck away. These are the first thing I change back. For me this means probably no junk for Christmas. Yes, I am a total sugar junkie and those seasonal treats are amazing but honestly, sanity and balance feels better than any of them taste. I will flat out cancel other things to run and do yoga. Remember, this is your foundation and it is of the utmost importance.<br />
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Once these things are back in alignment it is easy to see what else needs to go. Go over that list of things you are convince you MUST do. None of us like to shirk our commitments but sometimes we must summon up our humility and admit, "I am sorry but I committed to more than I can do at this time." Sometimes it means dropping commitments. Sometimes it means buying something rather than homemade. The truth is those people who love us and really want the best for us will understand even if they are disappointed. If they don't, then maybe it is time to re-evaluate that particular relationship, family or not.<br />
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It is so easy to get carried away this time of year. It is so easy to run ourselves ragged. Is it any wonder people fall sick right after the holidays? We refuse to care for ourselves and compromise our immune systems. It just isn't worth it to me.<br />
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So today, I am streamlining everything. I am eating well. I have scheduled yoga for this afternoon. I have scheduled a run for tomorrow and a couple of days next week. Those particular appointments with myself are sacrosanct. Only a true emergency will pull me away and nothing involving cookies is an emergency.<br /><br />I encourage to not lose your focus at this time of year or any time of year. You are not nearly as effective as you think when you do. Simplify and do what is the most important to you and your family and our memories and experiences will be so much the better for it.<br />
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May peace and harmony find you my friends and may the warmth and blessings of the holidays be upon you.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-91085992581004296732014-12-07T12:27:00.002-08:002014-12-07T12:27:58.735-08:00Exceeding My Limitations: My Birthday Present To MyselfThis year my birthday present is a family lesson and a day of climbing at the local indoor climbing gym. This isn't a surprise to anyone who knows me. I have wanted to do this for some time now. It is a logical adventure for us to embark on at this point. However, it recently became even more important to me.<br />
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This past summer I developed vertigo. After a rather large scare and a slew of medical tests, it seems to be the type some women simply develop in their 40's. At first it really affected my life. It was hard to get around and it hit hard. Time has eased the worst of the symptoms and attacks but it has become a permanent resident of my life. It is mine to learn from and deal with each day. Yoga was difficult until I learned to just stop, focus, and let it past. Although it will sometimes still bring me to my knees, over all it isn't too much of a burden.<br />
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Until Thanksgiving Weekend at the Trout Lodge.<br />
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We love getting away for that weekend and jumping head long into outdoor adventures. We hike, explore, and generally ramble. My daughter went on her first two solo trail rides. She was so proud to sit up there holding the reins of our horse. She was, as she terms it, just so nervacited. I love that girl.<br />
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Actually, it was a long weekend of firsts. Logan tried archery for the first time. I tried it for the first time since middle school and discovered I am pretty damn good at it. So that's a new passion to explore. It was also our first time at climbing Pines Beak. It is a 35 foot climbing wall. Both the kids and John did amazingly well. I am mesmerized by the spirit of adventure my children embody. Seriously, it is wonderful to behold their courage and taste to try new things. Well, except food. My husband is a beautiful beast of a man, so no surprise there.<br />
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My story was different. I jumped into it ready to go. It is so hard but I was determined. But sometimes determination just isn't enough in a given situation. I barely made it two-thirds of the way up when my new nemesis struck me. Vertigo hit. The world spun while I was over 20 feet in the air. I immediately rappelled down. I was very disappointed first in myself and second in the new normal of my life. It pretty much sucked.<br />
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I have thought long and hard in that moment when I gave up. I know now I could have done a few things to hold it at bay or allow it to ease off again. I could have just stayed immobile right there and gave it time to pass. The truth is there was a line waiting to go and I did not feel I had the freedom to employ this. Well, I didn't really think. I reacted. Also, it was really a one try thing. One bite of the apple and then you are done. My limitations defeated me....for that moment.<br />
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Because you see, I am not going to be defeated. I am not going to allow vertigo to define my life. It will not decide my limitations. I am going to decide that for myself. I am going to do this again. I have designed a situation set up to help me succeed. We will have a two hour class. I will tell the instructor straight away my challenge so that person will know I may just need to hang out for a few minutes. I will have all day to try and try again. I want to do it once. I want my children to see me doing my level best to overcome this issue. Maybe I will do it again. Maybe I won't. That doesn't really matter. What matters is I have the determination, the focus, and the grit to give my all to reach this goal. Even if I don't, I will know I gave it may all. Isn't that what truly matters in the end?<br />
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Exceed your limitations my friends. Do not allow them to define you. Define yourself each and every day. Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-28147863298847236142014-10-09T05:56:00.000-07:002014-10-09T05:56:43.288-07:00Real Life YogaWhen my son was born five and a half years ago, life changed. That little man came flying into our lives and the roller coaster that was his first two years of life had a profound impact on our little family. Where my daughter had been so easy, he proved to be a challenge. He was sick and rarely slept. Life was insane and hard.<br />
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About six months in I realized I needed to do something or it wasn't going to be pretty. My nerves were shot, my emotions were a wreck, and my overall health was suffering. I had flirted with yoga for well over a decade at that point but it was time to get serious. So I reluctantly drug my mat into the middle of my kitchen and my journey began. I have been asked, how did you do it with a two year old and a six month old? Well, it was hard but each day I unrolled my mat and started again.<br />
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Through the past five years during my yoga practice I have been crawled on, screamed at, puked on, and during some cat and cow pose series, ridden like a horsey. My children have attempted some rousing games of "London Bridge" while I held down dog. They have "decorated me to make me more pretty" while I held a precarious half moon pose. I have had to stop five minutes in because little man was just not having it. <br /><br />My three dogs thought the kids were having too much fun so they joined in as well. Licked faces are common. Stepping back to find a pile of puppies that magically appeared is just not a surprise. Our new kitten now loves to attack my pony tail on any inverted position. It is good times.<br />
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I have also had the joy and privileged to guide my children through their first asanas when they wanted to,"do yoga with mommy". My precious old guy pup,now 15, often seeks the peace of my practice and curls up to sleep right beside my mat. Many of my savasanas have been accomplished with a warm, quiet toddler or preschooler draped immobile across my body. "I can hear your heart mommy. It is beautiful.", whispered to me in a reverent tone.<br />
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My yoga is my life. I try to live it on and off the mat. The truth is the world is not going to stop. It will not ease up with its demands and distractions as we find our inner peace. No, we must learn to find that inner calm, that equinimity, within the maelstrom of life. My kitchen yoga practice has taught me these lessons well.<br />
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There were many days I was frustrated. Could I please just get a few minutes of peace and quiet so I can do this???? How am I supposed to learn with all these distractions??? Well, now I understand the distractions were the lesson. All of these crazy and often hilarious situations has taught me great focus and determination. Learning to laugh at myself and humility were included for free. It has taught me to get up, unroll my mat, and start my practice fresh each day.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-8140610220091274382014-10-06T08:53:00.000-07:002014-10-06T08:53:23.236-07:00Chaos, Broken, and Foundations for Greater Strength and GrowthThe past 5 months have been hard, life changing even. Once again I will warn you the following is pretty chaotic, raw, and even messy but that is what life has been for me so I think that is fitting.<br />
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In the past few months I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm, experienced major upheavals with my closest friends including loss, have been hit with some major financial issues, found out I no longer have a brain aneurysm even though they don't know why (but I am still very grateful), started experiencing perimenopause, and been brought full circle to face some of my greatest fears. It has been a hell of a ride.<br />
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The brain aneurysm was huge. It stops you in your tracks and makes you re-evaluate everything in your life. What matters? What is actually important? What will you do with your very short and precious amount of time here? Have I failed at this event called life? Big stuff. Often without any clear answers, just more questions. Then after some major tests....it was gone. They don't know why. The earlier tests showed it was there but the better test now shows nothing. I don't know why. Out of all of the things I have experience this summer, I think I am most at peace with this one. Maybe it was even a miracle. I could live with that.<br />
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During this time of medical mayhem and immediately following, I experience some very difficult and very emotional situations with friends incredibly dear to my heart. It was not a good time for me to deal with these issues but they happen when they happen. I won't go any further with this because it is not just my story to tell but needless to say I felt like part of my heart was ripped out of me. It hurt, a lot.<br />
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This all brings me to facing my fears. For most of my life I have never felt good enough. Deeply within my soul I have felt I was not living up to my potential and for some reason that failure mattered deeply. I am not actually terribly ambitious. I like living a life of thinking and dreaming. I like living a quiet life and I do not crave, nor do I want, to live a rigorous life of success. Even though it wasn't important to me, I felt the failure. I was failing...someone or something.<br />
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Having children changed my life. I am really good at this mother thing. I love running my home and caring for my family. Homeschooling is something I excel at with ease. It just makes sense to me and I love it. What I do each day really matters. During this time I have branched out and went deeper in yoga and meditation. I started drawing and painting. I discovered for the first time I am an artist and I revel in it! I taught myself to play the recorder and then the piano. My life was very beautiful and fulfilling to me.<br />
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This summer has rocked that paradigm. Over a year ago John lost his job. We devastated all of our savings and money put back in order to survive the months before his new job started. We had to buy a second car and incur some additional expenses outside of our budget. Due to a high deductible, NONE of my tests or doctor visits were paid for this summer. Every, single penny is out of pocket. Both kids and myself where walloped with major dental. Groceries and gas keep climbing. I am sure you understand. You live in this economy too. But what it comes down to is, I need to bring in some money to help the family and this scares the hell out of me.<br />
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I do not know if I have the strength and reserves to manage our family, homeschool, work, and keep my depression at bay. I am easily overwhelmed. I want the best for my family. Over the summer I also had my spirituality questioned. That was deeply personal and really cut me. The amalgamation of experiences had given rise to anger, irritation, anxiety, and even some rage. I think I had a band-aid over these emotions ripped away and they all poured forth. There was doubt that I could possibly practice yoga, mediation, and intentional living AND experience these big, ugly emotions. Any other time I would have let these musings roll off of me but this time, well this time was days after I had found out I didn't have a ticking time bomb in my head and my heart was vulnerable. It caused me to really doubt myself.<br />
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Now I know a lot of people have it harder than I do. I know there are eleventy frillion cases of people in far worse situations than I am. This is true. But pain is relative and still hurts. It doesn't really matter where you fall on the who has it worse scale, it can still feel devastating.<br />
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This brings me to now. In many ways I feel broken. I feel like my soul was stripped of protection and vulnerable then experienced some rather rough handling while in that fragile state. I am at a crossroad of how my life will be shaped from here. I am at the foundations. Yes, there is fear but you know what? There is some excitement as well. Change can be beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. Before we can create, we must often tear down. Am I broken or am I simply stripped bare and metaphysically tore down ready for the creation process? I can tell you I feel real. I feel authentic. I feel as if perspectives and preconceived notions have been at least partially stripped away leaving an open space waiting quietly for the new.<br />
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I wonder where this adventure will take me?Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-17320311322824454902014-06-17T11:34:00.001-07:002014-06-17T11:34:41.052-07:00That Moment When Everything ChangesI hope you are good with raw and probably not edited very well because I think that this going to be my style for the foreseeable future.<br />
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A few weeks ago I started experiencing vertigo. It was fairly significant at first but soon eased off. Still something felt off. I am not one who goes to doctors very often. I have a high pain tolerance and I just figure things will sort themselves out. Hey I am relatively young and quite healthy so it will all be okay, right? But something was just off so I went.<br />
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We went over everything and it was decided I should have an MRI. Just to be on the safe side, you know. No big deal.<br />
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Well, long story short. I have a brain aneurysm. I am 42 years old and a vessel could pop in my brain at any moment and it is over. Really changes your perspective on, well everything. This morning I spent time teaching my beautiful 6 year old daughter how to contact 911 and tell them our address and they we have dogs. Of course, we have talk about this but all of sudden the lesson seemed quite pressing.<br />
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I just found out today and I am meeting with a neurologist tomorrow. I have no idea what the prognosis will be but whatever it is that is what we have to deal with. There isn't a choice. I don't like that. I find I like my choices very much thank you.<br />
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Okay, now the good stuff and my friends there are always good things to be had. I find myself tearing up because of all the beauty in my life. My friends and family have already been offering help and prayers. I am surrounded by love and that is incredible. Then my husband, oh that man, that man. I don't think I say often enough how insanely lucky I am to have him my life. Do you know the Lana Del Ray song "Young and Beautiful"? She has this amazing, heartbreaking voice reminiscent of the torch singers of yesterday. She asks in her song if you will still love me when I am not longer young and beautiful and all I have left is my battered soul. In my relationship with my husband I can answer an unequivocal yes, yes he will still absolutely love me and stand by me no matter what happens. That knowledge leaves me feeling unbelievably secure. It is a comfort that means more to me than I can properly express.<br />
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I have been a little sad because I have not had much time for art, the piano, and reading. Now I have time to spend on those pursuits and really indulge in my creativity. I have something new to explore and I am effectively grounded from physical pursuits for the time being. One door closes and another one opens. Hannah and I will have more time for chess and science experiments. Logan and I can paint together and work puzzles. There are bright sides.<br />
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My best friend had super scary life threatening cancer. She beat it and her life has been irrevocably changed for the better. There are a multitude of stories like that. I choose to find hope in them. I think so much depends on your attitude. Will you stay positive, open, and loving? Will you see this as an opportunity to learn and grow? Will you take this reminder to cherish life for the precious, fleeting gift that it is?<br />
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Yes, yes I will. To all of it, yes I will.<br />
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May harmony and peace find you and fill your hearts and lives my friends.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-2693502311102511282014-06-06T11:05:00.000-07:002014-06-06T11:05:00.370-07:00Bootcamp with the Universe As Your Drill Sergeant <i>The following is raw and unedited. I just needed to get it out and this felt like the right place. </i><br />
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Lately the universe has been dealing me some body blows. Earlier this spring, I will publicly humiliated by women I didn't even know in a way the reminded me of the humiliation only junior high mean girls can dish out. It hurt. I honestly hadn't done anything and it came out of nowhere. It was, well shocking. Then an important relationship ended on an ugly note. I don't form deep friendships with just anyone. I have the impression the I have been the subject of conversations with many other people. Being picked apart by people I don't even know at the instigation of someone close feels brutal. I feel emotionally violated and hurt.<br />
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Then I was floored, literally, by an acute case of vertigo. It was disorienting but not too worrying. But there were some funny signs accompanying it so I went to a doctor. Due to the lasting headaches, the doctor has ordered an MRI. Well, to be accurate, she is now fighting my insurance for one.<br />
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I am going to be honest, I am scared. I don't overreact in general but this one hit hard. I know I am already in an emotionally vulnerable state and I am sure that is exacerbating the situation but whatever the cause, I have a pit of fear in my stomach and it sucks big blue monkey butt.<br />
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There have been some other things but those are the major ones. It is true I am having strong, negative emotions over this whole thing but it is being balanced out by an equal measure of knowing in my gut this is all happening for a reason. I feel like the universe is tearing me down so I can be built up even stronger.<br />
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All of these experiences could very easily cause me to turn into myself and shut out the world. I could allow them to form a hard shell around my heart filled with distrust, fear, and worry. I could allow them to seep into my being and define who I am.<br /><br />I don't think I am going to do that.Nope, not at all.<br />
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Through these not so great experiences I have been learning humility, clarity, truth, and authenticity. I have learned to trust my inner gut and my own judgement of who and what I am. I am also learning it would be better for me to be more open and allow more people in. I know that appears to be incongruous with having my trust betrayed but I actually feel deeply it is the right choice.<br />
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So I stand here and I am going to boldly admit I am scared. But I am also strong, loved, and know a bold, fearless heart is within me to rise up and meet all comings with courage and joy.<br />
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May harmony find you my friends.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-64926220275234990552014-03-25T11:59:00.000-07:002014-03-25T11:59:09.349-07:00Saying Goodbye and Honoring LessonsThrough a series of events, I have organized a group of women hikers. We meet and take on endurance hikes, 10-15 miles in length. The interest in the group rather surprised me but I am not sure why. I think it actually makes sense. Women crave a sisterhood, being part of a tribe. I think many of us long to come together and be our authentic self. It is easier to accomplish in nature. How you look or who you know or whatever superfluous and superficial characteristics tend to be stripped away around mile 6 if you brought them at all.<br />
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I love this group. I come back feeling more connected and refreshed. It brings me full circle. We don't hike in winter as ice is prevalent and dangerous. After a long hiatus, I was excited to for the first one of the season.<br />
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At first the weather looked perfect. The long term forecast was for sunny skies in the 60's but slowly temperatures and my spirits started dropping. In the end the forecast was in the 40's. People dropped out. Too Cold. This winter has been hard enough. I get it. I do. I had to go. I was the one who put it together but I wasn't very happy about it.<br />
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Then I realized the universe was presenting me with a beautiful opportunity. Just this past week, my daughter and I had been on a hike looking for signs of spring. We had found them. We saw the first two wild flowers of the season rising out of the stark beauty of the barren winterscape. But I had never really said good-bye to winter.<br />
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If you read this blog or know me, then you will know this particular winter has been, well pretty horrible for me. I fought hard with despair and depression. It came close to overwhelming me but I pulled through in the end. But looking back, I can see I learned some immensely valuable lessons. I learned how strong I was. I learned what friends I could truly depend on for comfort and much needed strength. I learned it was okay to throw up my hands, hunker down, and just hibernate for a bit releasing myself from expectations and self-imposed responsibilities.<br />
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We don't tend to learn the truly important lessons in easy, comfortable situations. Nope, we best learn in the fire. It is within the metaphorical crucible we are truly reborn. For whatever reason, we need hardship and strife to break through to the next level. Winter had been my frigid fire. I have grown exponentially in these months. I think I owed my honor, respect, and a heartfelt and thankful good-bye to this season of my life.<br />
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The hike was amazingly beautiful and lifted my spirits higher than I could have imagined.<br />
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There is life waiting to burst forth in each of these pictures. It is quiet and patient but it is there. I am thrilled I was granted the opportunity to say good bye and honor the hardships and lessons learned. It was beautiful and magical way to round out the experience.<br />
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May harmony find you. <br />
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(PS My friend Laura took these amazing pictures. Thank you so much for giving me permission to use them.)Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-38732766231848305452014-03-06T11:06:00.001-08:002014-03-06T11:06:22.175-08:00Reflect and Refresh<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Spring is almost here. I can feel it. My flowering Dogwood is beginning to bud. My surprise lilies are pushing up through the cold dirt and light layer of snow. For several days the skies have gleamed with true blue only found this time of year. It has been a hard, hard winter. My commitment to health and stability has been tried. I remained focused but it was difficult. The time to release all the tension is at hand. </div>
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Lent is a traditionally a time for reflection and renewal. Growing up in a non-liturgical church, Lent was never something we focused on. The idea of of honoring the Lenten season is new to me but one I find myself embracing. This year I intend to take 40 days to refresh and renew my spirit and my mind. I think it will greatly benefit me after this particular winter. </div>
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Meditation and yoga have not been practiced as diligently as I would have like. Our home was so chilly in the morning. My morning yoga sessions became miserable as cold muscles refused to warm or be supple. It was a fight I decided to forego as long as the frigid temperatures remained. </div>
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This is my first commitment. To revisit these two practices. Both of them combined is where my true peace lies. They culminate in an equinimity that greatly enhances my patience, compassion, and ability to honor love and beauty in their many forms. I embrace them again as old friends welcomed home from a long and perilous journey. </div>
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Peace in my mind also benefits from peace in my environment. With that in mind, I am embarking on the 40 Bags for 40 Days commitment. It is really easy, I get rid of one bag, box, or bin in my house each and every day. Truthfully, I don't know if we have 40 in this house but hey, that's a good thing. Spring cleaning will also be coupled with this process. I am not even planning it. I just know me. As junk leaves, I have an innate desire to clean. Bonus. </div>
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I am also committed to being more intentional with my reading. In addition to the books I read for pure fun, I will reading books on mindfulness and simplicity. This actually coincides with a desire I have to implement a very slow, mindful pace for our family over the next spring and summer with a huge emphasis on nature, unstructured free play, and exploration for us all. </div>
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Finally, through journaling and meditation I would like to explore some deep seated irritants that are rising unexpectedly. These are deep within my psyche and are embedded below my general consciousness but it is time they are addressed. Time and time again I find anger even rage arise seemingly out of the blue. There are some things still chaining my soul and I want to deal with them so they no longer have control in my life. </div>
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So that is it my friends. Really it is just commitment to be more mindful. I want to slow down and truly savor as my Red Bud tree explodes into color. I want to quietly watch my children make discoveries in nature. I want to really hear people and connect with them. I want to see their noble beauty first and foremost with a heart of compassion and love. I want to be the best and most authentic me I can be and live my life in harmony and joy. </div>
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However you honor this season, I pray you find peace and light each and every day. </div>
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Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-41835804768561096892014-02-06T10:07:00.001-08:002014-02-07T04:55:11.718-08:00Year of Creativity <div id="yui_3_13_0_ym1_1_1391777098185_15505" style="font-family: HelveticaNeue, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">
Each year of my life, at least recently, seems to have a theme to it. I don’t do this deliberately but it still happens. The past several years have been focused on becoming healthier be it physically, mentally, or spiritually. These years have led to some great things in my life. </div>
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This year seems to be entirely focused on art and creation. Almost out of the blue I am creating piece after piece of visual art. I am experimenting in different paints and other color mediums, textures, layers, and loving mixed media on the whole. I am learning piano as if I am fire. I have some musical backgrounds but wow, I am just flying through the lesson. I am truly having the time of my life. It is so much fun. </div>
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But it has been my most recent endeavor into creation that caused introspection on what is exactly going on with my life at this time. Writing has always been a natural outlet for me. I am a well spoken and articulate person but I have always felt more comfortable expressing myself through the written word. However, in the past several years I have not really been writing. Oh, I have the odd blog post and I journal on and off but I am talking about really delving deep into my craft. I mean the true exploration and playing with words, themes, and ideas. I have not been writing. Why? </div>
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Well I think there are two main factors. First, the past decade of my life has been filled with what have been life altering changes. Even though they were baby steps at the time the result has been dramatic and amazing. A little over a ten years ago I left the one truly co-dependent relationship I have had. I not saying my other relationships were models of health, but this was bad. The fact I stayed in those confines rocked my foundations and filled me with self doubt. Those doubts had to be dealt with if I were ever to be healthy again. </div>
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Very long story short, over these 10 years I have turned from an anxiety ridden, unpleasant (really could probably just use the word bitch here but hey, let’s be graceful) , and totally unhealthy person (I smoked like a fiend!) to a grounded, harmony filled person who deals with the challenges of life through meditation, yoga, and stronger focus on whole food nutrition and consistently practices an attitude of gratitude. I am not exaggerating when I say the change is night and day. </div>
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The second major change in my life is I have embraced and even rejoice in the fact I am a introvert. Actually, I am a really big introvert. For years I thought since I wasn’t shy and could handle groups and socializing just fine, I was an extravert. Since extravert is often the desired way of being in our society, I pushed myself to be just that. It drained me terribly and left me constantly emotional fragile and on edge. I am sure those misplaced attempts contributed to my simply lovely demeanor. </div>
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I think these two things drastically changed everything about my life. It definitely changed my vision of who I am and how I deal with life. It is the basis of my positive outlook on life. The upheaval, although ultimately wonderfully good, was huge and destabilizing. Yep, some chaos definitely ensued.</div>
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All of the above resulting in the need to really compost my experience. I love the idea of that. Experiences, thoughts, whatever lie fallow in your mind and unconscious being dealt with and worked over without you even consciously realizing it then one day BAM!! Explosion. </div>
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That is where I am now. I am having this incredible almost volcanic overflow of creativity and ideas. The artist energy feel like it is just coming out of every pore until I quietly glow all the time. It is really an exciting time and I am just riding the wave to see where it takes me. Hey, after 10 year, this could be really good. </div>
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May harmony find you my friends. </div>
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Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-44399018352775602592014-01-26T10:52:00.000-08:002014-01-26T10:52:02.662-08:00Making Meditation a PriorityThere are a multitude of things I credit to my health and well being. I eat a largely whole food vegan diet. I get a lot of sleep. I workout regularly with good intensity. I am an avid yogi. I meditate...when I can.<br />
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You see, like many of you I have commitments and obligations competeing for my time. I will not say I am busy because I am not. I will not do busy. I will cut large swathes of things out of my life and my family's life if I reach the point of busy. But there are things that take up my time. I keep them organized by priority. In my head there are many three most important things to do each day, three that would be beneficial to do, and maybe three thing it would be nice to do. This system works for me and keeps me from stress. But I think I need to switch out my something in that top category. It would be extremely beneficial in my life to put a priority on meditation.<br />
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I am realizing regular meditation makes a life changing difference in my life. With a regular meditation practice, I can handle just about anything. My peace and inner tranquility rises above almost any situation large or small and prevails. My life seems to almost naturally fall into harmony and equinimity when I meditate, daily.I am coming to understand using meditation as the ultimate tool allows me to truly delve into my being. Through mediation I discover what my passions really are and what truly is most important to me. When I mediate I achieve a clarity and resolution about my life that is almost magical in its intensity. It is truly a wonder.<br />
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Even though I don't watch much television and I avoid magazines, etc., I think there is still an unconscious and unfortunately almost unending stream of media and propaganda filtering into my brain each day. Millions of dollars are spent on ad campaigns that attempt to influence what is important to me, and everyone else, in my life. These campaigns seek to breed a dissatisfaction and discontent deep within our beings in order to sell us, well more crap we don't need. We are pushed to embrace rampant consumerism, the pursuit of materialism, and ultimately focus on an external locus of identity. None of it is real and none of it is really important. It is an attempt to scam us into believing a mass delusion and honestly, it is very, very successful.<br />
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An established, long term meditation practice can help us cut through that delusion and begin to see the world as it truly is. Through the focus and training of our minds, we can discover what truly matters. Reality dawns around us in all of its breath-taking natural glory. Our eyes are opened and it is far more wonderful and beautiful than the delusion ever promised to be.<br />
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This is why I am changing around my priorities. This is why I am going to put meditation at the top of my list every single day. It won't be easy. Anything that truly matters rarely is easy. But it is doable and that is promise enough for me.<br />
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I want truth. I want beauty. I want to focus on what reality is and what matters. Ultimately I want release "I want" and simply dwell in the being.<br />
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May harmony find you my friends.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-3919923663686655932014-01-20T06:09:00.001-08:002014-01-20T06:09:51.810-08:00the Thief That is Worry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday was simply a lovely day. I spent time with my family, I painted, even cleaned up a little. It was not a big, exciting day but rather a quiet, lovely time filled with simple moments creating a memory of a beautiful day.<br />
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I love the path I am on with my life. Learning to control my emotions and letting go of the worry over things I have no control has freed me to see the stunning beauty in life. Since my mind is no longer continually focused on the uncertainties of tomorrow, I am free to delve into and savor the amazing beauty of the simple, quiet moments life has in abundance. These moments make them selves know to me as if they want me to notice and enjoy them.<br />
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When your mind continually races and frets, you miss so many important things. You may not see the delicate perfection of the first blooms of a Redbud tree. The enticing smell of wood smoke in your child's hair as you hold them close may elude you. You may not take the time to really experience the feeling of your child, full of trust and love for you, as they simply melt in your embrace. You may not realize that action conveys more feelings of warmth and happiness than mere words are able to describe. You may not catch the look in your lover's eye turning an everyday word or occurrence into a shared moment of internal laughter and intimacy. The moment the warmth of a new spring day invigorates your beloved, old arthritic dog to romp as if his world was new may be lost to you.<br />
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Worry and fretting has the power to take all of this from you. Let's have truth between us, ultimately it is these precious moments gifted to us that make our life truly worth living. Without them it is just a drone and hardship until we leave this life.<br />
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But you have the power to banish worry, mostly, from your mind. Armed with those small moments of beauty resonating deeply in your heart,you can no longer allow fretting and worry to have a hold in your mind. Each time it arises you can say, "Worry you are not welcome here today. I have done what I can to ensure the prosperity of my tomorrows and I will not think of it anymore." Then you turn your mind to what makes you happy, what brings a smile to your face, what brings peace into your heart. Each time worry threatens to upset your harmony, return to you list. Soon your natural inclination will be to see the abundance in your life rather than fear of what might happen.<br />
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I made this change started almost a decade ago. I promise you will not miss or mourn worry in your life. You will find joy and peace in the freedom banishing worry brings.<br />
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May harmony find you today my friends.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-29001735487770559952014-01-04T10:14:00.000-08:002014-01-04T10:14:20.083-08:00Creativity Explosion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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That my friends is my very first mandala. I just love it. I am in the grip of a creativity explosion so this post may very well be disjointed but hey, the ride should be fun.<br />
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This picture was done on December 31, 2013. Now I am not all about the New Year. We don't really do anything special. I don't do resolutions. It usually isn't a very big deal but this year has been special. I think it is more by chance than design I have experienced this huge life shift but whatever, I will happily go with it.<br />
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This past year I have really found my footing on my path.I have regained my brain after giving birth and dealing with a child sick for almost two years with reflux. (Seriously, you cannot function when you haven't slept more than 4 hours at a time in two YEARS!!). I have learned to let situations and people toxic to my family go without a lot of fretting. I say no to anything I deem detrimental to our harmony. I am now doing daily yoga, eating really well, getting plenty of exercise, and meditating more and more. Seriously folks, I am loving life. Yes, there are still difficulties and hardships. Yes, I still get sad, angry, and ever flirt with depression. But I have learned these things are transient and if I will just ride them out and choose joy wherever I can, they will soon pass away. On the flip side, I know wonderful and beautiful things will also pass way so take time to enjoy and cherish them.<br />
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I have also learned, I still have a big ego. I was really enjoying posting pics of my yoga "accomplishments". They were just so pretty and fabulous. Hello, see my big ego begging for approbation? Yep, so I am not really doing that anymore. Silly ego.<br />
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I am almost not raising my voice with my kids anymore. We practice gentle, nonviolent, non-shaming, parenting. But I was still finding myself losing my temper and yelling at my kids. Not cool. Um, how can I expect my children to learn self discipline and control themselves when I obviously couldn't??? So I started on a campaign to end it. I used a bracelet. That bracelet reminded me of my commitment to practice self discipline and self control. It has made me more mindful of my triggers. Surprise, surprise, often my triggers were stressers I had brought into the family by means of unrealistic expectations.<br />
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This January the 9th I will finish my first 108 Days of Mindfulness. It was amazing. I learned so much. I learned I don't like to mix me with alcohol. Even one drink makes me not mindful and I don't like that. Total personal choice but a choice I think may very well prevail in my life. This time has taught me to simplify even more. Streamline my life to really focus ONLY on those things which truly matter to me. Wow, so much I thought was important just doesn't matter at all to me. Learn something new all the time, huh?<br />
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This winter I have truly embraced my desire to be an introvert and hibernate. I still have moments of anxiety caused from SAD but overall it has been terrific. I have nothing scheduled, no work projects, home improvement, nothing but that which brings me joy until spring. I think my spring will explode with amazing projects imbued with refreshed and revitalized energy.<br />
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Okay, so all of this sort of brings me to right here, right now. I am having an artistic explosion. I am so interested in doing art, I am distracted in doing almost everything else. I am pretty sure this will settle down but for right now the kids are just doing art with me and my husband seems to be okay coming home to clouds of glitter and forgotten dinner.<br />
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You see, I have never "done" art before. How could I??? What if I wasn't instantly and applause worthy amazing at it???? What if it wasn't perfect?? Oh yes, this seems to be the place where my self doubts and self criticism tried to make their last stand. Well my friends, I am in the process of blowing them to smithereens. It is so absolutely mind-blowingly fantastically freeing and beautiful. I love it. I am starting a new art journal where anything goes. There is no right, no shoulds, just creation and it is so freaking amazing it makes my fingers and toes just tingle with the very thought of it.<br />
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So this year my sweet delightful friends, I shall do art and within that process I shall find even more of me.<br />
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May harmony (and creativity) find you.<br />
<br />Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-63315082274426466792013-12-14T09:53:00.000-08:002013-12-14T09:53:25.654-08:00Embracing WinterI have never liked winter. Actually, I have actively despised it. It comes within a hairsbreadth of the H word for me. (That word is hate. A word I feel should never, ever be said lightly). My body aches and I have a problem staying warm. Throw in a delightful seasonal bout of SAD and wow, I just don't like it.<br />
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But lately, I have really been thinking about cycles. There are so many cycles affecting our lives, isn't there? Whether you are a man or a woman, I believe we have monthly cycles of high and low energy. The moon cycle affects the tides so I tend to believe it affects us as well. There is the cycle of life, the cycle of parenting, cycles cycles everywhere. There is a reason for these patterns. If we learn to key into them and adhere to them, we can find harmony. When we flow with them rather than resist them, we find peace.<br />
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So the cycle of seasons is a pretty dominant one. Now I adore the other three seasons. I really do. I can find beauty and reason in each of them. I joyfully celebrate their unique qualities. But oh, the cold, gray season of winter. What can it possibly be good for?????<br />
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Well, one thing it is good for is a very big lesson for me. Many years ago I stepped out of the rat race. I no longer glorify busy. Instead, I name it for the soul destroyer and precious time waster it is. I refuse to be yolked to it any longer. Even without busy, I am an active person. I am a doer. Yoga and meditation is slowly teaching me to be more of a be-er. It is hard for me but the rewards are great. I have come to the opinion winter may provide some of the biggest rewards of all.<br />
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Now this may be fully obvious to many of you but I was seriously astounded when I cobbled together the thoughts that perhaps, just perhaps, winter is a time to significantly slow down. Reverse those engines and reside in be-er mode for most of the time. What if winter is a time to rest??? fully rejuvenate??? dream new dreams taking this adventure of life down wild and wonderful paths???<br />
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Well, I think that is just what winter is and I am committing wholeheartedly. I have brought projects and new endeavors to a screeching halt. They are always such a fight to get done when my energy is low. Spring will come and if I am especially well rested, the will almost accomplish themselves. I am taking this time to curl up with a good book and my babies. We snuggle on the couch and laugh together. My daughter is such a deep thinker. These warm times wrapped up with a blanket is giving her the space to open her heart and talk to me about things so well thought and beautiful it takes my breath away.<br />
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I am doing maintenance to keep my seasonal depression away. Vitamin D supplements along with a daily vitamin helps. Rich, warming foods delight my senses and bring joy. I maintain a 3x a week workout schedule. I have no desire to increase or improve, just keep what I have.<br />
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I am still struggling with some aspects of winter but really, that is my ego, my desire to be in control. This time is teaching me to let go of even more control and submit to the whims of the seasonal cycle. It is a hard lesson for me but I think in the end it will prove to be one of the most wondrous.<br />
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Stay warm my friendsKarenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-90351051243317194752013-12-03T05:14:00.000-08:002013-12-03T05:14:53.417-08:00Managing DepressionThis is my story. This is as authentic and vulnerable as I can probably get online. I am not writing this to tell anyone how they should do it. Nope, this is how I did it and continue to do it. If there is nothing here for you then please walk away from it and know I send you all love and peace. If something here helps you, that is wonderful.<br />
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My entire life has been an exercise in dealing with mind numbing, soul destroying clinical depression. From the time I was very young I felt different from everyone else. I felt things deeper. I couldn't let things go. I often saw life as a bleak, dark, despairing place. I managed to hide it from most everyone but beneath my facade a pit of turmoil and heartache lurked. For years I <i>suffered</i> from depression.<br />
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Everything came to a head in my mid 20's. I honestly couldn't take it anymore. I was having waking dreams of killing myself. My life was spun out of control. I made horrible decisions. I am somewhat surprised I made it out of the consequences of some of those decisions alive. It was bad. I knew if I kept on the path I was going to die and soon. I wanted to live. I checked myself into a mental ward. It was the hardest decision I ever made.<br />
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That was a turning point. It was in that secured facility I discovered a glimmer of hope. I realized in a rather hazy, nebulous manner I could have control over my life. I could take action in this war with depression. It was very vague at that point but it was there.<br />
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The next two years was the beginning of the climb out of that cliched pit of despair. I took anti-depressants. I was beyond lucky I found a psychiatrist who was rather different from the norm. He believed not everyone who used anti-depressants had to be on them forever. Instead he told me I could use them as a stop gap measure, a calming agent that would allow me to learn coping skills and behavior. It would also help me have the strength to face my stuff.<br />
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Oh my friends, there was stuff to face and it sucked. It was so hard. It was uncomfortable. I took me to places of terror and fear, shame and embarrassment. Many times I said, "This is too hard!! I can't do this." But each time, sometimes after many months even over a year, I came back and got back to work. I did not want to be at the mercy of this condition. Cognitive Behavior Therapy turned out to be the best thing ever. Imagine, I who had been at the mercy of my horrific thoughts could learn and train my mind to actually choose the thoughts I want to have. I didn't have to obsessively worry and be upset. I could learn to choose to let it go. Amazing.<br />
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The years following were hard work. I was no longer <i>suffering</i> from depression. I was now <i>struggling</i> with depression. I had a modicum of control. Don't get me wrong, in those early years control was easily wrested from my hands but it was there. I was learning and growing.<br />
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Through years of practice, falling down, and starting over I have finally come to the place that I am now <i>managing </i>my depression. I know my triggers. I know when I have to batten down the hatches and get back to basics. My husband has been taught the signs that mean he needs to intervene. But for right now, for many years now, I have managed. I have maintained during job losses, the tragic loss of my brother and the upheaval it caused in my family, child birth, a husband travelling all the time with two babies, in short, life.<br />
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These are the keys I have found enable me to manage. I follow these with devotion and diligence. If I don't, I know the chance is extremely high I will spiral and I do not want to live like that ever again.<br />
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1. Food- I cannot stress how much what we eat affects us. I eat a wholefood vegan diet. I think the most important part is whole food but the vegan is really important to me as well. I eat very little sugar. What do I do for holidays, parties, etc? Well, I pretty much abstain because a "treat" isn't worth starting the habit that can lead down that road.<br />
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2. Exercise- Endorphins are your friend. I run 3x a week and do strength training 3x a week. These practices keep the daily stresses swept away.<br />
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3. Yoga- I have a daily yoga practice. It has been life changing. It has taken me to a whole new level of peace.<br />
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4. Meditation- This practice both clears my mind and helps me access whatever "stuff" I need to deal with. Stuff happens. It is life. Learn to deal with it quickly and efficiently and don't let it fester.<br />
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5. Sleep- I get 8-9 hours of sleep at night. I don't watch much tv and yes, I miss out on things but it is not worth sacrificing this integral component.<br />
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6. Toxicity- I refuse to deal with toxic people. I flat out refuse. This doesn't mean I turn away the dear friend who is having problems, not at all. But if you are a gossip, a chronic complainer, or any other kind of energy vampire, I have no room for you in my life.<br />
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7. I say no a lot. I put me and my immediate family first. I am not responsible for other people's feelings or emotions. I strive to live my life in a loving and compassionate manner but if you are angry because I won't do or act how you want, then that is your problem. This one actually gives me the energy to do more for others in the end.<br />
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I think that is about it. The holidays are here and that can lead to extra problems with depression. This is my story. I reclaimed my life. It was hard and messy and I do not regret a single step. May harmony and peace find you my friends.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-57673974905203405862013-12-02T08:17:00.002-08:002013-12-02T08:17:58.420-08:00Lessons and Nurturing One of the most important lessons I have been learning is how few things actually matter to me. Some time back I began to simplify my life. This manifested in a physical way as we started the process of purging our home. It has been reflected in a less tangible way through cutting back on commitments, people who are rather toxic to our family, and most importantly, a shift in perspective and priorities. Recently, these particular areas have been streamlined even further.<br />
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I find I now have two main areas of focus. The first is to take care of and love those people I hold most dear. This includes myself as I am one of the people I hold most dear. The second is to live in peace. I am finding not much else matters to me beyond these two priorities.<br />
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The first is rather broad. it extends past the obvious to keeping house (in a loose way), protecting the environment for my children's future, etc. The second one is what I have really been focusing on lately. Living in peace. I want to live in peace. What does that mean?<br />
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Ultimately for me the meaning is coming to fruition by much less confrontation. Truly, I despise confrontation. I am actually quite good at it. I can stay very focused and have great mental clarity. I can center in the moment and not be flustered. Nonetheless, I truly despise it. It leaves me feeling grimy and less than what I should be.<br />
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The practical outcome of living a less confrontational life is just letting so much more go. I honestly believe this is the best way.If you really think about it, you probably aren't going to change someone's mind on something in confrontation mode. People have strong views on organic food, war, public breast feeding, vaccines, health, really this list could go on and on. You can fuss, fight, argue and debate. In the end most people will still hold the same views and your souls will be a little more tattered. There is no purpose. If you really believe something, just live it out in your life daily. Trust me, people will notice and they will ask you questions not to fight but to learn. It is in that moment you can change minds and change the world in at least a small way.<br />
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I will still deal with confrontation if something threatens my first focus. You aren't going to mess with my kids. You aren't going to bully my best friend. You will not hurt my husband. There are times to call up the fiery dragon sleeping within all of us. We should still remain kind and compassionate. We can take care of our own and be loving and firm.<br />
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I went to an amazing yoga workshop with Thomas Fortel yesterday. He said, "Sometimes you need to be the warrior and sometimes you need to be the healer." The idea just struck me as real truth. I think most of the time we would benefit, as would the world, if we chose to be a healer.<br />
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That brings me to the nurturing part of this post. I have been going to this workshop each winter for 3 years now. Yoga is such a micro-movement practice for me. My progress is so slow, I don't see it from day to day. Even though it is slow, it is steady. Each day I progress a little more. These yearly workshops serve as bench marks for my progress. It is amazing to see the change from year to year.<br />
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Yesterday I did indeed see that I am moving into each asana with more ease and strength. That is wonderful but for me my progress in other areas matters more. Pranayama breathing used to be so hard for me. It honestly gave me a headache. Yesterday our breathing exercises filled me with energy and rest at the same time. It was amazing. However, the most important thing was I am letting go of ego. This letting go will be a lifetime of practice but yesterday, I took a couple of baby steps in the direction. My performance mattered much less. Just being there. Just learning. Just soaking in the energy from the room of yoga students was far more important. It was powerful.<br />
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Many people thing a three hour yoga session must result in a very zen state. It does but what you don't realize is that deep of practice can actually bring up some more problematic feelings. It is okay. They need to come out so you can be free of them. But it can be unsettling.<br />
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So today we are home.I am cleaning and tidying the house because it gives me great joy. I may bake cookies with the kids again because it brings us great joy and much laughter. I am not going around people. My soul is just a little worn thin which means my empathetic nature will be open and raw. The lack of boundaries would be harmful for me. Today I am nurturing myself. I am taking care of what needs to be taken care of. I am happy. I am growing. Life is very, very good.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-31921477746085986892013-11-09T09:07:00.000-08:002013-11-09T09:07:08.805-08:00Where I Am Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I see it has been a long time since I have posted. The truth is my 108 Days of Mindfulness has been going extremely well. It has been a time of great growth, painful realizations to face, and a lot of reflection. This post will probably be a bit rambly and will serve as an overview of some things I would like to write about in the coming weeks. There is much composting of thoughts and experiences going on in my brain right now. It is really a lovely time. The following are some things emerging from this experience.</div>
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My relationship with alcohol was starting to slide to a place it was becoming a problem. This was a surprise because truth be told I drink very little compared to the average American but the why I was drinking and what it did to me, well let's just say it has given me a lot to think about. </div>
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I was allowing many not very important things to interfere with my connection to my husband and my kids. Because I was allowing these things room in my life, I found myself to be detached and distant to those I most love. I want my children's life to be filled with love, guidance, and wonderful modeling. This was not happening. </div>
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I need a community. I need a tribe of sisters filled with women wild at heart and free of spirit. I also have some commitment issues. These two things were not working in harmony. I am working on the second to achieve the first without falling back into the I can't say no to anything mode. </div>
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I have been overworking in my workouts and putting undue stress on my body for far longer than I realized. My own efforts to be strong and healthy were sabotaging my overall well being and health. This also led to the burnout and resulting detachment to my children and husband. </div>
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What I eat is absolutely one of the biggest factors of my overall health, happiness, joy, peace, calm, harmony....are you getting it is rather important? </div>
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I am on the right path simplifying my life. It is working and progress is being made. Each day I can breathe a little easier as I shed possessions, commitments that do not enhance my life, and attachments. I am living a wild, beautiful life and it is filled with extravagant joy and abundance. </div>
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I am continuing this commitment until January 9th, 2014. I suspect many of the changes will become permanent. I truly hope so because the result has already been wonderful. </div>
<span id="goog_1606710664"></span><span id="goog_1606710665"></span><br />Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-21127640415934239742013-09-25T14:45:00.005-07:002013-09-25T14:45:51.482-07:00108 Days of Mindfulness and a Year of Nature Recently both of my children ran to me faces glowing with wonder and excitement. It seems the sky was full of color. My 4 year old son said, "Momma, there is pink, purple, blue, and gold. Come see right now!!". We all ran outside to marvel at a stunning sunset. I love when my children grab my hand and drag me to see a luminous full moon or a delicate flower they spotted among the over grown flora. I love that they <i>notice. </i>It is incredibly important to me to pass the importance of mindful detail to them.<br />
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We homeschool. Yes, it is good to teach them to read, understand math, and even how the universe works but it is more important to me to teach them how to truly live the moments of their lives. I want them to understand the true meaning of life is found in mundane details. I want them to take a quiet walk and see the life flourishing around them and be overjoyed they are in the presence of such awesomeness.<br />
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Recently I have turned a corner in my own growth. We have come through some challenges as a family. I find I really want to both celebrate and savor my beautiful, amazing life. With that in mind, I have undertaken a path consisting of 108 days of mindfulness. 108 is a sacred number to both yoga and other dharma based practices. It is in honor of the growth I have found in yoga I have chosen this number of days. This runs from September 23, 2013 through January 9, 2014. So yes, this is day 3 but I was busy being mindful the last two days.<br />
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Nature is also a huge influence on me. I can quickly become nature deprived. If I do not spend enough time in a nature setting I become easily irritated and angered. My love of the natural world is another gift I would like to give to my children. I have embarked on a mission to spend at least 1000 hours outside with my children in the coming year. I will admit, I have no desire to become mired in tracking every minute but this challenge will urge us to head outdoors more often.<br />
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Today we combined these two new facets of our lives and went on a walk in our neighborhood. It was magical.<br />
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I had to lie very quietly and very patiently to get this shot. It gave me the opportunity to really see the bees and flowers in intricate detail.<br />
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This picture captures the peace and tranquility of the park.<br />
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We are very curious about seeds right now. We looked for them on our walk. The children are just fascinated with them.<br />
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Those are hands from both of my babies.<br />
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It was truly a magical afternoon. We quietly enjoyed each other's company and took the time to really see the world around us. Oh, and we swung together on swings for the longest time. I am so grateful to have this opportunity, this life. I am so blessed with abundance. It is awesome.<br />
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<i>To see a World in a Grain of Sand</i></div>
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<i>And a Heaven in a Wild Flower</i></div>
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<i style="text-align: right; text-indent: -1em;">Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand </i></div>
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<i>And Eternity in an hour</i></div>
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<i>-William Blake</i></div>
Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-55135528061952197682013-08-31T10:03:00.000-07:002013-08-31T10:03:10.357-07:00I Am Beautiful...and That Is Good For Me To Know<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is me. I am strong, beautiful and fierce. I love how my arms look. I am completely holding up my own body weight and can do so for quite some time. The strength in my lovely shoulders, chest and back coupled with my powerful core enables me to do this. I love looking at this picture.<br />
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Perhaps my glowing terms for myself make you uncomfortable. After all, we women shouldn't really think so highly of ourselves, should we??? I mean come on self criticism and flagellation are almost to an Olympic level in our society. It seems to be expected we will totally run our appearance down and so many of us comply. I complied. Not only did I comply, I had full blown body dysmorphia. When I was more slender than the above picture, I saw a fat, bloated, ugly woman looking back at me in the mirror. I have pictures that I more resemble a skeleton than a healthy young woman. At that time I had a very small measure of relief when size 0 did not fit me because they were too big. But 5 little bitty pounds would send me into a frantic, self loathing spiral.<br />
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I am beautiful. I can say that now. I can believe that now. I embody that now.<br />
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Several years ago in the middle of a chaotic storm of metaphysical and emotional angst I threw up my hands and screamed, "ENOUGH! I do not want to live like this any more!!" I wanted to change and be happy. I want to truly know joy. Most of all I wanted to find peace and allow it to flourish and grown in my heart. Much of that journey consisted of, and still consists, of good nutrition, vigorous exercise, yoga, and meditation. I love to talk about those aspects. But there was a deeper, darker part.<br />
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I truly felt in my heart of hearts that I was an ugly, horrible person. I truly thought I was unworthy. I thought I deserved all the hardship, heartache, and yuck that filled my life. I was paying penance for a person I perceived myself to be.<br />
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I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.<br />
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I stepped back and really looked hard at who I was. Slowly I peeled away all those horrible, wrong messages laid upon my heart by a myriad of sources. I sorted through experiences and began to look back at the person I had been with grace, compassion, and love. I grieved for all the self imposed heartache I had put myself through. I cried for the destruction my self hatred had upon my precious, delicate soul. Thankfully souls are made of sterner stuff and mine was battered but still strong and hopeful.<br />
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Over the next years I learned to see myself with compassion and love. I began to treat myself with grace and warmth. I began to fall in love with the good person I was. Yep, I finally saw that I was a good, loving, and compassionate person. I was worthy of all the amazing things in my life. All of that abundance was well spent on me. I saw the beauty and wondrous nature of my soul. It was incredible. It IS incredible.<br />
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I treat myself very differently now. Yes, I still very much have flaws. I am impatient, prone to self focus, and the one I like least, I sometimes gossip. I really don't care for that one. But it is okay. I embrace the person I am right here and right now. That perspective urges me to work on those issues and grow as a person. I work on those with joy now, eager to be better and to do better.<br />
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The ability to embrace myself just as I am has given me the ability to accept others just as they are. Well, most of the time. I still struggle but it is so much easier for me now. I am more apt to see the beauty and amazing qualities of others. I see what is lovely far more readily than I see what is not as lovely. I focus on the joy and thrill of life, all life.<br />
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Then one day after avoiding the mirror for so long I looked into one. It took my breath away. For the first time I really saw that I was beautiful. Just gorgeous really. It stopped me in my tracks because it was so alien to my former way of thinking. The most beautiful thing is I can see the beauty of my spirit coming through.<br />
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I hope you see your beauty. I see your beauty. It is there. I see your goodness and how very worthy you are of joy, love, happiness, and peace.<br />
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Yes, peace lives with me now. It is always growing and expanding allowing me to deal with things in a new and more fruitful way. The coolest thing is, it can reside within you too.<br />
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May harmony and peace find you my friends.<br />
<br />Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-62213729389103131032013-08-24T08:11:00.000-07:002013-08-24T08:11:20.219-07:00Do I Really Mean It? Yesterday out of the blue my husband lost his job. This came after being out of town and away from us for a week. It was the proverbial blow to the solar plexus, I must say. We have too much debt, no savings to speak of, and my grocery bill has almost doubled in the past year due to rising prices. It is scary. I am not going to lie.<br />
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But it is also an amazing opportunity to truly find out how deeply I hold my convictions and beliefs. Do I really believe happiness is choice not tied to material possession and circumstances? Do I really hold in my heart that it is better to wish good things for those who would hurt me and mine rather than to wish them ill. Have I really cultivated the peace in my heart necessary to traverse this rough and tumble storm?<br />
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Well, it is very early in this game but I think the answer to all of those questions is a resounding yes. That knowledge alone causes joy to fill my spirit and gives my heart flight. It an an amazing experience.<br />
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I am not saying I don't have those opposite thoughts. Nope, still very much human over here. But what I have learned is I have the ability to choose to not linger on a thought filled with hate and resentment. I can let it go from my mind and choose instead to focus on a gratitude. I have so very much to be grateful for each day. Even now. Especially now.<br />
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We have talked about the absolutely worst, worst, worst case scenario. The worst thing is we could lose every material possession we have. Now the likelihood of this happening is infinitesimal but hey, let's really look at the bottom line. The bottom line is, so what? So what if we lose all material things? We have our family. We have our friends. We have the skill sets and ability to care for our young children. Heck, waiting tables pays the bills if you are absolutely against the wall. Ultimately we will be just fine. Our relationship is strong and because we are both on the same page mentally, I don't see it getting anything but stronger.<br />
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I find the peace in my heart is growing rather than being depleted. I find the more I focus on joy and gratitude the more it builds. I didn't really now it worked that way. It is remarkable.<br />
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Now let's talk about the big one. I am not going to lie, I am not happy with how my husband was treated. He is a good man and the whole thing was wrong. But where do you go with that? What do you do with the situation at hand?<br />
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<b><i>"Holding on to anger is like </i></b></div>
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<b><i>drinking poison and expecting </i></b></div>
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<b><i>the other person to die."</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Buddha</i></b></div>
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Those words are just so unbelievably true. If I allow those feelings to fester within me it will only damage me and those I love. Anger, bitterness, and resentment do not help. They only destroy and leave chaos and tears in their wake. My family deserves better. I deserve better. </div>
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Besides, I find I truly want good for these people. I really do. They have a lot of employees under them. There are really good people there. I want those people treated with compassion and dignity. But more so, and I am going to be honest I find this surprising, I want good for those actual people who treated my husband in such a shabby manner. Why? Well because I think we have all been there. We have all been so mired in unhappiness and misery that we don't treat others well. There is a saying and I am not sure the original author but it says, "Those who feel badly act badly." Isn't that just the truth for all of us? But I have learned to have true compassion and love for others. Well, I am still learning but it seems I have learned enough at this point to apply it. I want the best for them because I want the best for all people. I want the best for all animals too but that is a different post. </div>
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So here we go on an adventure. I have no doubt we will look back and be utterly grateful for this bump in the road. I know what we learn and where this will take us in our lives will be so worth it all. </div>
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So yes, I guess I do really mean it. </div>
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May harmony find you my friends. </div>
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Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-37972376649462874642013-08-05T04:56:00.001-07:002013-08-05T04:56:06.167-07:00What If They Don't Deserve It? Due to recent economic factors there are many people struggling to make it financially. More people are going to food banks. More people are falling behind in bills It can be rough for people who made it just fine a few short years ago.<br />
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My family is exceptionally blessed with abundance. My husband makes a good living and his work is steady.We feel the squeeze of increased food and energy prices but with a few cuts, we are doing okay. I want my children to understand we live a life of abundance. I am gently teaching them not all families have the privileges we do. They are learning not all families can even cover the basics.<br />
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Compassion, love of others, and doing good where we can are important lessons in our home. I don't care to raise obedient children but truly loving children. We talk about these things a lot. My 5 year old is quite perspective and insightful. She gets things. Her ability to sense underlying currents recently led to an crucial lesson for us all.<br />
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There are many people on the road ways with signs. They are say they are hungry. They say they have nothing. Is that true? I have no idea. I am not comfortable giving money for a variety of reasons. I have meant to put together some bags containing toiletries,granola bars, nuts, gloves or sunscreen (depending on the season), etc. but well, I haven't. I have two little kids and sometimes getting everyone's teeth brushed is a victory to be celebrated. So I will go to a local fast food place and buy a value meal with the condiments on the side to give to the person we saw. This is a great opportunity to talk to my children about generosity and caring for others.<br />
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Normally the food is received with gratitude and thanks. Recently, we had a different experience. He didn't want the food. He wanted money. He was insistent about it. Why? I don't know and I am not going to even go there if I can help it. I told him, I don't have money but I have food. Take it or don't. He grudgingly took it and we left.<br />
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Hannah was....concerned. She understood something was not normal. Why didn't he just take the food and say thank you? As I sat there fighting with the anger and resentment trying to take over my mood I realized it was an amazing opportunity to teach her something important and to remind myself. I believe that what you put out there is what you get back. I believe in what comes around goes around. I believe in karma.<br />
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So we talked about sometimes people don't appreciate or don't want the generosity we are offering. Maybe they just want what they want. I also told her that charity can be really hard to accept and some people act poorly because they are sad and embarrassed. But most importantly I told her none of it matters. Our karma is what we do. Their karma is what they do. We are responsible for our own. We see a need and we try our best to meet it with the best of intentions. That is all we can ever do. How it is received is out of our control. No matter what, we need to learn to have a peaceful heart and continue on to the next opportunity to do good.<br />
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This goes for so many situations. I run most Saturday mornings with a group. Our route passes by a heavily used food pantry. The people line up HOURS before it opens to get food. I have noticed some of the cars are a lot nicer than they were in the past, nicer than mine, and the quality of clothes are much better. It could be human nature to assume they are cheating the system to get something free. But we cannot know their stories. There is a good chance the trappings of their life are from a former life they can no longer afford. Maybe their high paying job disappeared over night due to the company going bankrupt. Maybe they made horrible choices with their mortgage and are now so house poor they can't feed their children. Maybe they are total scammers and want it for free when they easily could afford.<br />
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Doesn't matter, it is not our place to judge. Not only is it not our place, I would venture to say it is unhealthy and detrimental for us to judge. What will it really do? Will it punish them? Nope. Will it make them change their ways? Nope. What it will do is fill our heart with anger and resentment. Those feelings will burn through our good health and well being, scorching the peace and equinimity from our hearts and spirits.<br />
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Our karma is our karma. Their karma is their karma. We are responsible for our own.<br />
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A lesson I am teaching my children and learning myself each and every day.<br />
<br />Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-20133576793266182092013-07-06T15:51:00.000-07:002013-07-06T15:51:05.929-07:00Releasing Anger<div style="text-align: center;">
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<i>"You will not be punished for your anger.</i></div>
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<i>You will be punished by your anger."</i></div>
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<i>Guatama Buddha</i></div>
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Today, right now I am angry. This is not a normal state for me but it happens. I have taken a couple of personal body blows. There are a couple of people in my life experiences grief, pain, and hardship. As an empath, it can be hard to process and separate out my own feelings. Both of my children are in....challenging stages. Long story short, I am angry. It doesn't happen often but every so often I can feel the tsunami of rage building in my belly and anger pouring through my veins. It is powerful. It is intense. It is energy. It is not helpful at all. Not one little bit. </div>
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I am not sure there is ever a good time to embrace anger and rage. It is a fire ripping through your body and soul destroying your harmony, your peace, and your health. Rage quickens my wit and enables me to have the tongue of a viper, fast and filled with venom. I have the instinct to know what will knife someone in their gut. I hurt people in my anger. That is simply not acceptable. I cannot think of any good coming from anger.<br />
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There are times to fight for justice. There are times to be sickened by a situation and be determined to to right a wrong. But those are not really filled with anger. If they were it would end up hurting the very people you wanted to help.<br />
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But here it is, rage tapping me on the shoulder wanting to come in a play and wreak havoc.<br />
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What do you do?<br />
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Well, I am making a choice to not let it in. I am choosing a better path.<br />
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But how do you do it?<br />
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Well, I can only tell you how I do it. Starting tomorrow, I will slow everything down. I will severely limit if not completely restrict my internet access. I will read things that uplift my soul. I will listen to music capable of making my very soul sing with joy. I will eat extremely clean. I will do yoga, lots of yoga. I will meditate. I will do this the next day and the next if it is necessary. I will do what is necessary to exorcise these feelings from within me.<br />
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You see, I believe you really can choose your thoughts and choose your emotions or at least how you will deal with them. I believe I do not have to be at their mercy. It is my choice.<br />
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And I choose love, joy, and peace.<br />
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May harmony find you my friends and may she find me as well.<br />
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Namaste. </div>
Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-89815601419125008302013-06-18T04:51:00.003-07:002013-06-18T04:51:59.017-07:00Choosing Happiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happiness is a choice. I know it doesn't always feel like it is but it is your choice to make. I am not saying it is easy but you can do it. Ultimately, you have control of how you live your life and what thoughts you think.<br />
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You cannot control anyone else. You cannot change them. You cannot make them see life as you would wish. You have no control of anyone else. But that is okay because you have complete control of you. You can choose to act however you wish in any given situation. You can ask yourself, what can I do this situation to change it for the better? Again, I am not saying it will be easy. The answer may be you decide to walk away from that person and no longer include them in your life. Ultimately, it is your decision to make.<br />
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Choosing happiness in your thoughts is often a longer process. Many of us, especially Americans, have been trained by societal and social norms to be critical, worrisome, and overall pessimistic in our thoughts about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Many like to call it being realistic. Well poppycock. It is simply stinking thinking and it has to go.<br />
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Think about it. If you have a situation in which you can do nothing for that given time, what does worrying and fretting do to help?? Nothing. When you make a mistake or fail to live up to your expectations is it really helpful to internally shame and berate yourself? You may think it will help you not do it again. But I guarantee, you will fail again. You will make a mistake. Tearing yourself down will not result in anything other than leaving you and your heart in pieces. When someone cuts you off in traffic or offends you in someway is it beneficial to allow your anger to take over and enrage your emotions?<br />
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<i>"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Buddha</i><br />
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Think about it. You pay the price for that anger and rage. You are the one who is truly damaged. Well, those and those love because they are most like the ones who will bear the brunt of you tumultuous spirit.<br />
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There is a different way. There is a better way. You can chose peace and happiness. You can choose to live mindfully and in the present. You can choose to change your thoughts. It isn't easy and it takes a lot of work but the rewards are simply breathtaking.<br />
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So how do you do it??<br />
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Begin to replace every single negative thought with a positive one.<br />
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<i>I failed again!! I knew I wouldn't be able to do it and now everyone will see I am a failure. </i>I worked really hard. I know I put out my best effort. I will try again next time. It doesn't matter what others think.<br />
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<i>That idiot cut me off!! Who the hell does he think he is endangering everyone just so he can be first??</i> Wow, that was scary. He almost hit me. I hope he slows down. I wonder if he is going through something difficult in his life. I hope he finds peace.<br />
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<i>Why must my child constantly demand my attention?? Why can't my child just do what I ask without making an ordeal about every little thing??? </i>I wonder if my child is not feeling well or if there is something wrong. It must be hard to learn how to control your needs and emotions and not have the ability to really express yourself. I will go try to connect and see if I can help.<br />
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I know this sounds a little cheesy but consciously replacing your thoughts with thoughts of love, compassion, caring, and gentleness truly works. And no, you probably won't always feel those kinder emotions at the time but it is all about retraining your mind and attitude. It can be a hard struggle at first but over time it becomes easier. It becomes an integral part of your being.<br />
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And you start to become a truly happy person. That, my friends, is worth all the work.<br />
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May harmony find you.<br />
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<br />Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-61691761416104220122013-06-02T09:58:00.002-07:002013-06-02T09:58:55.296-07:00Falling Apart and Fitting Back Together<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Friday I was formulating an escape plan. I was going to either Costa Rico or California and I was going to learn to surf. This is particularly funny because I am really quite terrified of the ocean. I was just going to walk out of my life. Okay, so I wasn't totally serious but to be honest, I played with the idea in my mind. I was at the beginning of a meltdown. I was ready to fall apart. </div>
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The past few months have slowly been building with life stressors. We have been busy, too busy. I have not been taking the alone time necessary to remain in harmony. There was a big vacation. My youngest was admitted to the hospital. There were other things affecting me having to do with others I am not open to share. Slowly but surely I was acquiring baggage without even realizing it. My control and discipline was shattering and I was done. </div>
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Thankfully I have the most amazing husband in the world. Seriously, the man rocks. All I had to do was to tell him I was falling apart and he quickly removed all the extra responsibilities and let me have my meltdown in peace and solitude. That is exactly what I did. </div>
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So many people try to avoid this part of the cycle common to many of us. They try so hard to maintain control at all times until a big avalanche of emotion, pain, and desperation overwhelm them. The inevitable collapse leads to a shame and guilt spiral capable of rocking the foundations of life. I have learned I do not want to do this so when I feel the meltdown coming, I accept the reality and allow it to take me where it will. </div>
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The amazing part is those mini-breakdowns can actually result in greater strength and flexibility of mind. Allowing myself to flow with the experience has lead to a clarity of spirit and purpose unmatched by other methods. I understand myself more fully and come back refreshed and rejuvenated. </div>
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The way I see it is we go about our daily life unconsciously collecting baggage and unnoticeable parasites of guilt, other people's issues, regret, petty irritations, anger, dissatisfaction, a case of the what if's, etc. These slowly build up until they are putting pressure on our spirit causing angst and pain. The best way to cleanse these undesirables from our being is to allow everything to fall apart and then put ourselves back together without them. This allows us to fully cleanse any wounds we may have picked up and begin true healing. If we cleanse these wounds early they don't have the opportunity to fester and infect our souls, possibly ripping through us doing untold damage. </div>
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It is good thing to step out of life and reflect on what is going on. It is a good thing to take a moment and think, wow that hurt or that experience really scared me. How can I deal with these things in a positive and nurturing way? How can I nourish my being at this time? What do I need to grow from this? </div>
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I believe all things happen for a reason. I believe the willingness to flow with what life brings ultimately fulfills us far more than fighting that particular part of the path ever will. Each experience has purpose and is a window to understand ourselves in greater detail. Do not run from this opportunity. Embrace it and sit down and just cry if that is what you need to heal. You will be stronger from your release.</div>
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Namaste my precious friends and may harmony find you. </div>
Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-24539012583310745592013-05-22T04:37:00.000-07:002013-05-22T04:37:15.879-07:00What I Can Do<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The stories from Oklahoma are rolling in each minute. The tragedy and heart break is just stunning in their horror.<br />
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I am not reading a single one.<br />
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That is right. I am not. I am not reading, watching, listening, or in anyone absorbing as much as possible. It is not that I don't care. I care so deeply about such things it can be crippling. I will not allow myself to completely shut down. My children need me.<br />
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This is my common modus operandi. I avoid things concerning child abuse, the sex trade, animal abuse, and in general just people acting horribly to one another. Also, natural disasters are on that do not pay attention list.<br />
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These things cause me such pain I can feel it physically. I find the weight of the horror to be too much to bear. I will slowly start shutting down and detaching from reality in self preservation. I will cut off the world in order to make the pain go away. I am of no use to my children, my husband, my friends, or my community in that shape. I am pretty much useless. So ultimately, there isn't a point.<br />
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But there are so many things I can do. I can look to what needs to be done right here in my world. I can donate to animal shelters. I can give food to local food shelters. I can organize a drive to gather self care toiletry bags for the homeless. I can run through a drive through to pick up a lunch for that man standing on the street corner with such desperation and humiliation. I can deeply listen to someone grieving. I can be a shoulder to cry on or a shopping service for a new mother. As the children grow older, I hope to do more and more to help those around.<br />
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I cannot change all of the terrible things happening in the world. It is not within my power. But what I can do, what you can do, is live a life each day practicing as much compassion, love, kindness, gentleness, and charity as possible.<br />
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Perhaps my actions will start a chain reaction that will someday change the world.Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5816075938106035625.post-7954245533957934042013-05-21T12:46:00.000-07:002013-05-21T12:46:15.257-07:00Strength and Lessons<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is my gorgeous boy. He is very much his own person. He follows his own path and does it with courage and joy. This past weekend we had to rush him to the emergency room and then admit him to the hospital. It was a nightmarish experience with tubes into his stomach, catheters, IVs and invasive tests. Our hospital was amazingly good but it was rough to say the least.<br />
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But like all experiences, good and bad, I believe there is something to be learned. Here are a few things I learned.<br />
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I am one strong bad ass chick. It was HARD to see my baby in so much pain and undergoing such extreme procedures. It made me want to run away. Instead I chose to stay right by my child the entire time. I stayed calm for him. I promised him I would not leave his side and I didn't. He cried and I remained his rock even though my heart was being ripped apart moment by moment. I stayed. I stood witness to his experience, to his pain.<br />
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Living in the present really is the best way to live. I remained in the moment. I didn't worry about the future and what might happen. I refused to berate myself for the past and not seeing the signs sooner. I stayed right there. People would ask what is next and I would reply, I don't know. I just know what we are doing right now. Remaining in the present, in the truth of the moment enhanced my strength. Refusing to play the what if game enabled me to surpass the limitations I thought I had.<br />
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Even though I have been sloughing off the tyranny of the urgent, there was some still hiding. This experience taught me there is almost nothing that cannot wait until later. It also streamlined my priorities even more. There were things I was still treating as if they really mattered and they just didn't. Love matters. Compassion matters. Family, both blood and chosen, matters. Peace and joy arise for these things. The rest just isn't really that important.<br />
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We are home now. I am so grateful for this episode. He is now on a treatment plan that should ensure this doesn't happen again.We are far more knowledgeable about his condition. I am far more knowledgeable about myself.<br />
<br />I am so incredibly grateful for that wisdom.<br />
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<br />Karenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14362205535774017359noreply@blogger.com0