Do I Really Mean It?

Yesterday out of the blue my husband lost his job. This came after being out of town and away from us for a week. It was the proverbial blow to the solar plexus, I must say. We have too much debt, no savings to speak of, and my grocery bill has almost doubled in the past year due to rising prices. It is scary. I am not going to lie.

But it is also an amazing opportunity to truly find out how deeply I hold my convictions and beliefs. Do I really believe happiness is choice not tied to material possession and circumstances? Do I really hold in my heart that it is better to wish good things for those who would hurt me and mine rather than to wish them ill. Have I really cultivated the peace in my heart necessary to traverse this rough and tumble storm?

Well, it is very early in this game but I think the answer to all of those questions is a resounding yes. That knowledge alone causes joy to fill my spirit and gives my heart flight. It an an amazing experience.

I am not saying I don't have those opposite thoughts. Nope, still very much human over here. But what I have learned is I have the ability to choose to not linger on a thought filled with hate and resentment. I can let it go from my mind and choose instead to focus on a gratitude. I have so very much to be grateful for each day. Even now. Especially now.

We have talked about the absolutely worst, worst, worst case scenario. The worst thing is we could lose every material possession we have. Now the likelihood of this happening is infinitesimal but hey, let's really look at the bottom line. The bottom line is, so what? So what if we lose all material things? We have our family. We have our friends. We have the skill sets and ability to care for our young children. Heck, waiting tables pays the bills if you are absolutely against the wall. Ultimately we will be just fine. Our relationship is strong and because we are both on the same page mentally, I don't see it getting anything but stronger.

I find the peace in my heart is growing rather than being depleted. I find the more I focus on joy and gratitude the more it builds. I didn't really now it worked that way. It is remarkable.

Now let's talk about the big one. I am not going to lie, I am not happy with how my husband was treated. He is a good man and the whole thing was wrong. But where do you go with that? What do you do with the situation at hand?

"Holding on to anger is like 

drinking poison and expecting 

the other person to die."

Buddha

Those words are just so unbelievably true. If I allow those feelings to fester within me it will only damage me and those I love. Anger, bitterness, and resentment do not help. They only destroy and leave chaos and tears in their wake. My family deserves better. I deserve better. 

Besides, I find I truly want good for these people. I really do. They have a lot of employees under them. There are really good people there. I want those people treated with compassion and dignity. But more so, and I am going to be honest I find this surprising, I want good for those actual people who treated my husband in such a shabby manner. Why? Well because I think we have all been there. We have all been so mired in unhappiness and misery that we don't treat others well. There is a saying and I am not sure the original author but it says, "Those who feel badly act badly." Isn't that just the truth for all of us? But I have learned to have true compassion and love for others. Well, I am still learning but it seems I have learned enough at this point to apply it. I want the best for them because I want the best for all people. I want the best for all animals too but that is a different post. 

So here we go on an adventure. I have no doubt we will look back and be utterly grateful for this bump in the road. I know what we learn and where this will take us in our lives will be so worth it all. 

So yes, I guess I do really mean it. 

May harmony find you my friends. 

What If They Don't Deserve It?

Due to recent economic factors there are many people struggling to make it financially. More people are going to food banks. More people are falling behind in bills It can be rough for people who made it just fine a few short years ago.

My family is exceptionally blessed with abundance. My husband makes a good living and his work is steady.We feel the squeeze of  increased food and energy prices but with a few cuts, we are doing okay. I want my children to understand we live a life of abundance. I am gently teaching them not all families have the privileges we do. They are learning not all families can even cover the basics.

Compassion, love of others, and doing good where we can are important lessons in our home. I don't care to raise obedient children but truly loving children. We talk about these things a lot. My 5 year old is quite perspective and insightful. She gets things. Her ability to sense underlying currents recently led to an crucial lesson for us all.

There are many people on the road ways with signs. They are say they are hungry. They say they have nothing. Is that true? I have no idea. I am not comfortable giving money for a variety of reasons. I have meant to put together some bags containing toiletries,granola bars, nuts, gloves or sunscreen (depending on the season), etc. but well, I haven't. I have two little kids and sometimes getting everyone's teeth brushed is a victory to be celebrated. So I will go to a local fast food place and buy a value meal with the condiments on the side to give to the person we saw. This is a great opportunity to talk to my children about generosity and caring for others.

Normally the food is received with gratitude and thanks. Recently, we had a different experience. He didn't want the food. He wanted money. He was insistent about it. Why? I don't know and I am not going to even go there if I can help it. I told him, I don't have money but I have food. Take it or don't. He grudgingly took it and we left.

Hannah was....concerned. She understood something was not normal. Why didn't he just take the food and say thank you? As I sat there fighting with the anger and resentment trying to take over my mood I realized it was an amazing opportunity to teach her something important and to remind myself. I believe that what you put out there is what you get back. I believe in what comes around goes around. I believe in karma.

So we talked about sometimes people don't appreciate or don't want the generosity we are offering. Maybe they just want what they want. I also told her that charity can be really hard to accept and some people act poorly because they are sad and embarrassed. But most importantly I told her none of it matters. Our karma is what we do. Their karma is what they do. We are responsible for our own. We see a need and we try our best to meet it with the best of intentions. That is all we can ever do. How it is received is out of our control. No matter what, we need to learn to have a peaceful heart and continue on to the next opportunity to do good.

This goes for so many situations. I run most Saturday mornings with a group. Our route passes by a heavily used food pantry. The people line up HOURS before it opens to get food. I have noticed some of the cars are a lot nicer than they were in the past, nicer than mine, and the quality of clothes are much better. It could be human nature to assume they are cheating the system to get something free. But we cannot know their stories. There is a good chance the trappings of their life are from a former life they can no longer afford. Maybe their high paying job disappeared over night due to the company going bankrupt. Maybe they made horrible choices with their mortgage and are now so house poor they can't feed their children. Maybe they are total scammers and want it for free when they easily could afford.

Doesn't matter, it is not our place to judge. Not only is it not our place, I would venture to say it is unhealthy and detrimental for us to judge. What will it really do? Will it punish them? Nope. Will it make them change their ways? Nope. What it will do is fill our heart with anger and resentment. Those feelings will burn through our good health and well being, scorching the peace and equinimity from our hearts and spirits.

Our karma is our karma. Their karma is their karma. We are responsible for our own.

A lesson I am teaching my children and learning myself each and every day.

Releasing Anger

"You will not be punished for your anger.

You will be punished by your anger."

Guatama Buddha

Today, right now I am angry. This is not a normal state for me but it happens. I have taken a couple of personal body blows. There are a couple of people in my life experiences grief, pain, and hardship.  As an empath, it can be hard to process and separate out my own feelings. Both of my children are in....challenging stages. Long story short, I am angry. It doesn't happen often but every so often I can feel the tsunami of rage building in my belly and anger pouring through my veins. It is powerful. It is intense. It is energy. It is not helpful at all. Not one little bit. 

I am not sure there is ever a good time to embrace anger and rage. It is a fire ripping through your body and soul destroying your harmony, your peace, and your health. Rage quickens my wit and enables me to have the tongue of a viper, fast and filled with venom. I have the instinct to know what will knife someone in their gut. I hurt people in my anger. That is simply not acceptable. I cannot think of any good coming from anger.

There are times to fight for justice. There are times to be sickened by a situation and be determined to to right a wrong. But those are not really filled with anger. If they were it would end up hurting the very people you wanted to help.

But here it is, rage tapping me on the shoulder wanting to come in a play and wreak havoc.

What do you do?

Well, I am making a choice to not let it in. I am choosing a better path.

But how do you do it?

Well, I can only tell you how I do it. Starting tomorrow, I will slow everything down.  I will severely limit if not completely restrict my internet access. I will read things that uplift my soul. I will listen to music capable of making my very soul sing with joy. I will eat extremely clean. I will do yoga, lots of yoga. I will meditate. I will do this the next day and the next if it is necessary. I will do what is necessary to exorcise these feelings from within me.

You see, I believe you really can choose your thoughts and choose your emotions or at least how you will deal with them. I believe I do not have to be at their mercy. It is my choice.

And I choose love, joy, and peace.

May harmony find you my friends and may she find me as well.

Namaste. 

Choosing Happiness

Happiness is a choice. I know it doesn't always feel like it is but it is your choice to make. I am not saying it is easy but you can do it. Ultimately, you have control of how you live your life and what thoughts you think.

You cannot control anyone else. You cannot change them. You cannot make them see life as you would wish. You have no control of anyone else. But that is okay because you have complete control of you. You can choose to act however you wish in any given situation. You can ask yourself, what can I do this situation to change it for the better? Again, I am not saying it will be easy. The answer may be you decide to walk away from that person and no longer include them in your life. Ultimately, it is your decision to make.

Choosing happiness in your thoughts is often a longer process. Many of us, especially Americans, have been trained by societal and social norms to be critical, worrisome, and overall pessimistic in our thoughts about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Many like to call it being realistic. Well poppycock. It is simply stinking thinking and it has to go.

Think about it. If you have a situation in which you can do nothing for that given time, what does worrying and fretting do to help?? Nothing. When you make a mistake or fail to live up to your expectations is it really helpful to internally shame and berate yourself? You may think it will help you not do it again. But I guarantee, you will fail again. You will make a mistake. Tearing yourself down will not result in anything other than leaving you and your heart in pieces. When someone cuts you off in traffic or offends you in someway is it beneficial to allow your anger to take over and enrage your emotions?

"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Buddha

Think about it. You pay the price for that anger and rage. You are the one who is truly damaged. Well, those  and those love because they are most like the ones who will bear the brunt of you tumultuous spirit.

There is a different way. There is a better way. You can chose peace and happiness. You can choose to live mindfully and in the present. You can choose to change your thoughts. It isn't easy and it takes a lot of work but the rewards are simply breathtaking.

So how do you do it??

Begin to replace every single negative thought with a positive one.

I failed again!! I knew I wouldn't be able to do it and now everyone will see I am a failure. I worked really hard. I know I put out my best effort. I will try again next time. It doesn't matter what others think.

That idiot cut me off!! Who the hell does he think he is endangering everyone just so he can be first?? Wow, that was scary. He almost hit me. I hope he slows down. I wonder if he is going through something difficult in his life. I hope he finds peace.

Why must my child constantly demand my attention?? Why can't my child just do what I ask without making an ordeal about every little thing??? I wonder if my child is not feeling well or if there is something wrong. It must be hard to learn how to control your needs and emotions and not have the ability to really express yourself. I will go try to connect and see if I can help.

I know this sounds a little cheesy but consciously replacing your thoughts with thoughts of love, compassion, caring, and gentleness truly works. And no, you probably won't always feel those kinder emotions at the time but it is all about retraining your mind and attitude. It can be a hard struggle at first but over time it becomes easier. It becomes an integral part of your being.

And you start to become a truly happy person. That, my friends, is worth all the work.

May harmony find you.

Falling Apart and Fitting Back Together

Friday I was formulating an escape plan. I was going to either Costa Rico or California and I was going to learn to surf. This is particularly funny because I am really quite terrified of the ocean. I was just going to walk out of my life. Okay, so I wasn't totally serious but to be honest, I played with the idea in my mind. I was at the beginning of a meltdown. I was ready to fall apart. 

The past few months have slowly been building with life stressors. We have been busy, too busy. I have not been taking the alone time necessary to remain in harmony. There was a big vacation. My youngest was admitted to the hospital. There were other things affecting me having to do with others I am not open to share. Slowly but surely I was acquiring baggage without even realizing it. My control and discipline was shattering and I was done. 

Thankfully I have the most amazing husband in the world. Seriously, the man rocks. All I had to do was to tell him I was falling apart and he quickly removed all the extra responsibilities and let me have my meltdown in peace and solitude. That is exactly what I did. 

So many people try to avoid this part of the cycle common to many of us. They try so hard to maintain control at all times until a big avalanche of emotion, pain, and desperation overwhelm them. The inevitable collapse leads to a shame and guilt spiral capable of rocking the foundations of life. I have learned I do not want to do this so when I feel the meltdown coming, I accept the reality and allow it to take me where it will. 

The amazing part is those mini-breakdowns can actually result in greater strength and flexibility of mind. Allowing myself to flow with the experience has lead to a clarity of spirit and purpose unmatched by other methods. I understand myself more fully and come back refreshed and rejuvenated. 

The way I see it is we go about our daily life unconsciously collecting baggage and unnoticeable parasites of guilt, other people's issues, regret, petty irritations, anger, dissatisfaction, a case of the what if's, etc. These slowly build up until they are putting pressure on our spirit causing angst and pain. The best way to cleanse these undesirables from our being is to allow everything to fall apart and then put ourselves back together without them. This allows us to fully cleanse any wounds we may have picked up and begin true healing. If we cleanse these wounds early they don't have the opportunity to fester and infect our souls, possibly ripping through us doing untold damage. 

It is good thing to step out of life and reflect on what is going on. It is a good thing to take a moment and think, wow that hurt or that experience really scared me. How can I deal with these things in a positive and nurturing way? How can I nourish my being at this time? What do I need to grow from this? 

I believe all things happen for a reason. I believe the willingness to flow with what life brings ultimately fulfills us far more than fighting that particular part of the path ever will. Each experience has purpose and is a window to understand ourselves in greater detail. Do not run from this opportunity. Embrace it and sit down and just cry if that is what you need to heal. You will be stronger from your release.

Namaste my precious friends and may harmony find you. 

What I Can Do

The stories from Oklahoma are rolling in each minute. The tragedy and heart break is just stunning in their horror.

I am not reading a single one.

That is right. I am not. I am not reading, watching, listening, or in anyone absorbing as much as possible. It is not that I don't care. I care so deeply about such things it can be crippling. I will not allow myself to completely shut down. My children need me.

This is my common modus operandi. I avoid things concerning child abuse, the sex trade, animal abuse, and in general just people acting horribly to one another. Also, natural disasters are on that do not pay attention list.

These things cause me such pain I can feel it physically. I find the weight of the horror to be too much to bear. I will slowly start shutting down and detaching from reality in self preservation. I will cut off the world in order to make the pain go away. I am of no use to my children, my husband, my friends, or my community in  that shape. I am pretty much useless. So ultimately, there isn't a point.

But there are so many things I can do. I can look to what needs to be done right here in my world. I can donate to animal shelters. I can give food to local food shelters. I can organize a drive to gather self care toiletry bags for the homeless. I can run through a drive through to pick up a lunch for that man standing on the street corner with such desperation and humiliation. I can deeply listen to someone grieving. I can be a shoulder to cry on or a shopping service for a new mother. As the children grow older, I hope to do more and more to help those around.

I cannot change all of the terrible things happening in the world. It is not within my power. But what I can do, what you can do, is live a life each day practicing as much compassion, love, kindness, gentleness, and charity as possible.

Perhaps my actions will start a chain reaction that will someday change the world.

Strength and Lessons

This is my gorgeous boy. He is very much his own person. He follows his own path and does it with courage and joy. This past weekend we had to rush him to the emergency room and then admit him to the hospital. It was a nightmarish experience with tubes into his stomach, catheters, IVs and invasive tests. Our hospital was amazingly good but it was rough to say the least.

But like all experiences, good and bad, I believe there is something to be learned. Here are a few things I learned.

I am one strong bad ass chick. It was HARD to see my baby in so much pain and undergoing such extreme procedures. It made me want to run away. Instead I chose to stay right by my child the entire time. I stayed calm for him. I promised him I would not leave his side and I didn't. He cried and I remained his rock even though my heart was being ripped apart moment by moment. I stayed. I stood witness to his experience, to his pain.

Living in the present really is the best way to live. I remained in the moment. I didn't worry about the future and what might happen. I refused to berate myself for the past and not seeing the signs sooner. I stayed right there. People would ask what is next and I would reply, I don't know. I just know what we are doing right now. Remaining in the present, in the truth of the moment enhanced my strength. Refusing to play the what if game enabled me to surpass the limitations I thought I had.

Even though I have been sloughing off the tyranny of the urgent, there was some still hiding. This experience taught me there is almost nothing that cannot wait until later. It also streamlined my priorities even more. There were things I was still treating as if they really mattered and they just didn't. Love matters. Compassion matters. Family, both blood and chosen, matters. Peace and joy arise for these things. The rest just isn't really that important.

We are home now. I am so grateful for this episode. He is now on a treatment plan that should ensure this doesn't happen again.We are far more knowledgeable about his condition. I am far more knowledgeable about myself.

I am so incredibly grateful for that wisdom.