Struggling and Gratitude

Warning, authentic moment ahead. It doesn't portray me in the best light but I think that is the point. We are seriously struggling over here. The kids have been really sick. We have been housebound. John has been super busy at work. We have not had much outside time. I have been fighting off the kids sickness and due to the previous reasons, not working out. Most important, I have not been able to run or do much yoga. This all adds up to some stinky moods and yucky situation. I don't think we all like each other very much right now. But I am determined to focus on gratitude and the bounty of my life. First up, reminders of why I stay home and why I have chose this life.

And this:

Seriously, don't I have the most gorgeous babies??? This week I am sad to say I have lost my temper. I have been irritated to the point of running screaming down the street because of the tired, sick whines of my precious children. In fact, I just had to stop what I was doing because Logan pulled out all the things in the bathroom cabinet and then opened a bunch of band aids. It has not been a parade of my finest moments. But it is life and how it rolls. Bottom line, I am tired, sort of sick myself, and struggling to fall into the shame/ guilt trap of being human rather than a perfect mommy automaton. The best thing I can do is focus on gratitude so here it goes. My Gratitude List for the Moment (by no means complete or in any order) 1.I am grateful I found the mantra, "My child is not giving me a hard time, my child is having a hard time." I have said this often and with increasing vigor. 2. We have good, healthy food in the house to boost our immunity. Let's not get worse. 3. I have the greatest husband evah. He has went above and beyond the call of duty in order to make my life as easy as possible. The man is swamped with trials but has consistently put the needs of me and the children first. So Seriously Overflowing with Abundance 4.Netflix. Hours and hours Caillou, Dora, and Strawberry Shortcake. I may be gibbering after all of it but it has helped the children rest. 5. I am so grateful I have learned the lesson of personal grace, love, and compassion. I am working on giving myself room to make mistakes and see them as learning opportunities rather than chances to beat myself up. 6. I have friends to remind me of the above. 7. The weather is simply gorgeous. We should be able to get outside for a little bit today. The mild weather will be great for fresh air consumption. 8. My homemade yogurt is the bomb. 9. The weekend is almost here and I will get a long break. (Again, best husband evah.) 10.It is almost over and we are still in one piece. In fact, the kids still seem to like me and want to be with me and that is a good thing. Ten seems like a good round number. Oh well, let's throw one more in for good measure. 11. Strangely enough, I am glad I am able to stay at home and deal with all of this. As much as I have wanted to run down the street and hide in a ditch, this is better. That awareness stays firmly implanted in the front of mind. I cannot imagine trying to juggling job responsibilities, coverage, or whatever along with sick kids. All we had to do was stop and stay home. It hasn't been the most fun thing we have ever done but I am still grateful we can did it without any fuss. That is my gratitude list. I am holding on to it and the coming weekend with both hands. I hope they get me through and help me have a better mindset about the whole thing.

Monday And The Things I Love

Monday is the traditional beginning of the week for many people. It is here as well although we enjoy a great deal of flexibility. But daddy returns to work and we miss him so sometimes it can be a bit hard for us. So I think I am going to start writing a post about the things I love right here, right now. Hopefully I will do it most Mondays but you just never know now, do you?

Above and below are two pictures I took last week. We were at the Botanical Gardens when a storm came in fairly fast. Most people ran to their cars. Instead of leaving, we headed to a gazebo and proceeded to have a simply magical experience. We watched the rain while we snuggled. Logan napped in my arms while Hannah shared a bit of what goes on in her beautiful, amazing mind. It was as close to perfection as I could imagine. It made me realize even more how much I love my life.

So here are just a few of the things I am loving right now. 1. Snuggling and talking quietly in the rain. 2. Hooping under the bright blue sky next to a gently babbling creek while listening to the laughter of the rest of my family playing. 3. Sparkles 4. Pink, in general but especially on my daughter. Couple that with sparkles and it is a joy fest. 5. Watching my husband be an amazing father not only in the fun times but even more so in the times of stress and turmoil. 6. Yoga 7. Metta meditation 8. Doggies that are simply positive I want kisses during down dog (or up dog or cobra or well, anytime really) 9. Flowing hippie skirts that makes me feel like I am dancing even when I am just walking. 10. The love of running 11. Best friends 12. The ability to see the divine in all that surrounds me. It is not a complete list. I hope to never have the time or ability to write a complete list. I send out warmth and love to you today. I hope your Monday and your week will be filled with love, kindness, and joy.

April and My Refreshed Spirit

This spring the weather has been amazing. We have ranged from the cool, earthy beauty of early spring to a sneak peak of early summer and back again. These are our irises. They are very, very old. The lady we bought our home from was an avid gardener before she become too aged to pursue her passion. These were her flowers and she loved them. Two falls past we cut, transplanted, and cleaned them up. Last year they lay fallow but this year they are bursting forth with beauty and growth. I am sure there are a multitude of lessons within that little scenario. I know my readers are smart so we will do a drawn your own as it pertains to you kind of thing.

This time of year brings such joy and revitalization to my spirit. I do not care for winter. I am working hard to honor and appreciate that cold, barren time, um I mean that quiet time of resting and reflection, but spring brings life back to my heart and urges me to dance everywhere I go. I love it.

I have been doing the traditional spring purge and clean. It has been bigger this year because we have decided to be done having children and harder with the appearance of early summer weather here and there. We have already been playing (or if you are Hannah swimming) in several creeks this year. All of our fun in the sun cuts into our cleaning time but I seriously do not care. My babies will only be with me like this for a short time and that dirt simply refuses to leave for good. It will wait.

This month we are doing some super cool learning things. We have taken and are taking additional classes at the Shaw Nature Preserve. They are top notch. The next one will be for the whole family. I am really looking forward to it. It has also provided us with some magical, almost fairy land type settings for picnics. Talk about a beautiful experience. The kids and I both have art classes lined up. I am extremely excited to take a beginning watercolor class. I think I danced out of the library when I found it.

That leads into the crafty crafts. I want to turn our home into a warm, snuggly eclectic cottage. I want most of the decorations to be done by me or the family. Today I bought some gorgeous, brightly colored yarn to create an afghan for the living room. I am dying to do this super cool decoupage project but I may have to send the children on a long vacation. We are all going to make decorative stepping stones for the garden.

Then there is the whole-food craziness. I have been seriously cooking some amazing grub in my house. I have been playing with fresh ginger, seed crackers, brown rice syrup, and all kinds of yum. I am looking forward to making homemade foccacia with rosemary grown in my garden.

So it would seem we are all nesty nestiness and comfy home living. This spring and summer will be a time of gardening flowers, herbs, fruits, and veggies, learning new ways to express our artistic natures, and eating yummy food with added benefit of truly nourishing our bodies. It will be a time to play, mess, laugh, love, and grow. We will learn new things and discover more about ourselves and each others.

And that sounds amazingly perfect in all of its beautiful, inherent, and inevitable imperfection.

Pigtails and Learning to Be a Man

These are my gorgeous babies. See my beautiful little man? See his pigtails? He wants to be just like the big sister he adores so almost every day, he is sporting pig tails. I love it. Most people we run into think it is adorable and sweet. And then there are the others.

There are some people who think we are being horrible parents by letting him out like this. Or more to the point, I am a horrible mother because they just know my husband would have a fit. I tell them his father happily takes him out with pig tails and sometimes, a tutu. My husband is a 6'2 220lb serious athlete. Strange enough, no one ever says anything to him about it. Hmmmmm

Anyway, the reason for this post is because not very long ago a woman put some rather nasty thoughts into words. She asked me what his father was teaching him about being a man if he was willing to let him go out all gender confused??? (Seriously, her words not mine.) I told her he was teaching him that dads shouldn't be jerks about such minor things. Funny, she didn't like that answer.

But the whole hot mess of a conversation made me think more deeply about it. What is my husband teaching our son about being a man? These are a few things I have come up with so far:

He is teaching his son that a real man is strong enough to be gentle, loving, and kind to his wife and children and everyone else he meets.

A real man bases his thoughts, words, and actions on a deep sense of integrity, love, duty, and ethics, not on the reactionary responses of other people.

A real man is loyal and devoted to his family.

He is showing him each and every day that a real man cares more about the deep down relationships in his life and being authentic rather than the superficial facade others cling to for an aura of pseudo respectibility.

He is teaching him to be kind of man we hope our daughter will someday marry. You see, my husband is teaching our daughter what a real man is too.

I am beyond blessed and proud to be married to my husband. He truly is the best of men. I could not ask for a better partner nor best friend. My children could not have a better father. I have never met a man more ethical and right minded. I have never known a man who loves deeper or more complete.

Each day my son Logan wears his pig tails happily and has to priviledge to once again see a real man in action. So, that is my answer to what his daddy teaches him.

The Day I Became Queen of Healthy Cooking

Okay, so I probably should not get my tiara out of the shop just yet but I am thrilled with the following recipes. Lately I have taken us to a whole new level of healthy eating. We have went from "hey, they eat pretty dang healthy" to "you know, that crazy hippy granola family". I would like to throw in here that my children do not eat all of this. Each one of them eat certain healthy things but neither is vegetarian like momma and there are definately some kid foods still in their diet. I have found healthier chicken nuggets and fish sticks but I promise, they are still in my freezer. I don't think John eats quite the healthy away from me either. Just want to keep it real for everyone.

Here are some of the recipes I have been loving and telling people about. No, I do not have pictures as I am lucky to have have this post. (Hee hee)

The first is my new favorite snack, lunch, whatever. Seed crackers and white bean hummus. The crackers are from the blog Oh She Glows with my personal tweaks. Nope, don't know how to link but it is popular so google it.

1/2 Cup of Chia
1/2 Ground Flax Seed (if you have whole just pop it in the blender)
1/2 Cup Pumpkin Seeds
1/2 Cup Sunflower Seeds
1 teas. garlic powder (or fresh)
1 teas. Onion powder (or fresh)
1 teas. sea salt
1 cup of water.

Preheat over to 325. Line a baking sheet with parchment. Toss everything into a bowl and stir. Don't freak out that it is too watery (um, like I did) because the chia has amazing super powers and it thickens. Stir it up until it is paste like. pour it on the lined baking sheet and press it out until it is about 1/4 inch. Do this however you like but seriously, I found my hands did it the best.

Bake for 30 minutes.

Take out. Use a pizza cutter (or whatever) to cut into crackers. Flip over and bake into the oven it goes for 30 more minutes. Let it cool completely on the baking sheet and then into airtight storage it goes.

Then use these aweseome morsels with this:

White Cannelini Bean Hummus

Can of Cannelini Beans drained and well rinsed
2 teaspoons garlic
1 1/2 teaspoon of cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes (or to taste)
1/4 cup of tahini
juice of one lemon ( please use fresh, makes all the difference)

Throw into your food processor and do like Devo says and "Whip it Good!" Now, you are going to add between 1/4 to 1/2 cup of olive oil to the mix while it blends. The amount depends on how creamy you like it. Stop and check.

Eat and enjoy!!

More?? You want more recipes??? Okay.

So we love Cliff bars. We workout alot and they are great for eating and not making you sick while you run. Such a plus. However, I have caught my child feeding these little organic nuggets of gold to my dogs. So uncool. But it did make me realize they may be too expensive so find another option.

Here is my attempt. They have come out like bars of crack in their nummy goodness. Seriously, I may hide them from everyone else. Hey, I am the one who made them, right???

1 and 1/4 cup of brown rice cereal ( I like Erwhon)
1 cup quick oats
2 tablespoons flax meal
1/4 cup dried cherries diced fine
1/2 cup of walnuts
1/4 cup (okay, make it heaping) of dark chocolate diced fine
1/2 cup of brown rice syrup
3/4 cup of peanut butter
1 teaspoon of vanilla

Combine everything excpet the last 3 ingredients. On the stove, heat the peanut butter and brown rice syrup until it is well blended. Then stir in the vanilla. Pour this mixture of the rest of the stuff. Use a spoon at first but then you are going to have to get those hands in there. Mix it all up until it is well coated. Pour into a 8x8 pan than has been sprayed with non stick spray. Use a piece of wax paper to really, really tamp it down. Cool on a wire rack and then toss into the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Cut into squares, wrap in saran warp, and store in the fridge.

**I am pretty sure they may be extremely addictive.

You can play with the nuts, fruite, what have you. You should know by now I take recipes to be suggestions at best.

Okay, my last one. My no processed sugar pumpkin bread. My two year old asks for this almost daily.

Pumpkin Bread

1 and 1/2 cups of whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup brown rice syrup
1teas baking soda
1 cup pumpkin puree (seriously, fresh is the way to go here)
1/2 cup oliver oil
2 eggs beaten
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon of allspice
1 teaspoin of cinnamon
1/2 cup walnuts

Preheat to 325.

Dump flour, salt, baking, soda, and spices in the bowel. You can sift if you want but I just mix it well with a fork. Yep, easy way that is me. What can I say? I don't have dishwasher so the less dishes the better.

Mix the pumpkin, eggs, oil, honey, and brown rice syrup together. Combine with dry ingredients. Stir in the nuts

Pour into a greased bread pan. Bake for anywhere from 40-60 mintues. You have to watch this. Honey burns so you need to get it where a wooden skewer comes out clean but the bread isn't burnt.

Eat and enjoy!!

Okay, there you go. You may not know this but I RARELY share recipes. It isn't because I hold onto them like a closely guarded secret. Nope, I just despise writing them out and since I experiment alot, I don't always know what I put in them. I kept track this time, just for you. Also, thes are really great, yummy, and healthy recipes. I want to share them. Helping people be healthy and live the best life they can is a passion of mine. It was worth the aggravation. (hee hee)

Self Love

I am a beautiful, vibrant woman. Recently I read a wonderful article about authenticity. I LOVE that word. Be who you really are. Amazing concept. This article encouraged me to write a list of things I love about myself. It was great. It made me happy to do it. You see, I have learned to really love myself. My list was long and nowhere complete. I love everything from my impish, naughty nature to the way I move and dance everywhere I walk. I love my heart for others and my willingness to establish and maintain boundaries. I love how I am utterly and completely head over heels in love with my husband and babies. I love my strength, physical, mental, and emotional. I love so much about me. It was really a delight to write about it.


Then I started thinking about all these other amazing, fascinating, and gorgeous women I know. So many of thing would be hard pressed to write this list. If they did they would probably apologize for it. We have been taught subtley and pervasively that self love is wrong, bad, unattractive, and will probably make your hair fall out in your middle years. None of that is remotely true.

So I wrote the one I might just like the best:

"I love I am willing to reject the notion that if I have a good opinion about myself I am wrong and bad. I refuse to confuse humility with debasement and self hatred. I refuse to teach this disgusting and harmful untruth to my daughter. I refuse to live that lie"

I do believe I am humble because I don't think I am any better or any more worthy, or conversely worse or unworthy, than anyone else. I think each person is just as much as I am. I find beauty in every woman I take the time and opportunity to study. I find them to be interesting, mysterious, and just fabulous.

My question to you today is, can you write a list of all the things you love about yourself? If not or if it would be really hard, why? What can you do to see the amazing creature that is you?

It is really worth considering, I promise.

The Month of March Changed Me

So I was implying some big changes happened for me in the past month. Now that it is the last day of March I feel I can talk about it. It has been amazing and I truly feel like a new person. Exciting times, I tell ya.

There were three things I undertook. Two have flourished in my life and the third had to be tossed onto the back burner until the kids are older/sleeping better. I want to share my failures and successes with you because I feel they are probably equally important and we can learn amazing lessons from either.

The first thing I did was to undertake a daily yoga practice. This was not a month's challenge. Nope, I entered into this committment with the mindset it could be for life. I cannot predict the future but I have a strong feeling this was could just stick. It is honestly hard to write about the changes, hard to find the words. I am just so different. I feel me calm, balanced, spiritually less cluttered. The other day at the park I received one of the coolest compliments evah. This lady told me my movement was just effortless. Totally the daily yoga.

It isn't always easy. Remeber I have a 2 and 4 year old in this house. Some morning Logan will join me and you know it is beyond adorable. Somedays they ignore more. Then there are others way more interactive as the play ring around the rosie around me or chase each other under my down dog. It has added a new level of complexity and can be ...interesting at times.

But it has really taught me to just live my life where I am. I cannot wait for the perfect moment to do something. Nope, I grab the momement, savor it, and decided it is good enough for now. It has really brought me a new appreciation for mindful and intentional living. Besides, my kids see me doing yoga all the time. Heck, I pracitice yoga at home before my morning yoga class. I want them to see this.

The next change was my eating. I have really went off the deep end with this healthy eating thing. And let me tell you, the water is just fine. I returned to my vegetarian roots. I am starting to veer more and more vegan but I am not sure if I will ever give up greek yogurt and kefir completely. I have also become even more of a whole food junkie. Seriously people, as I sit here typing this I am munching on some of the sweetest canteloupe and some crackers I made myself with nothing be seeds. You can go ahead and call me a granola girl as long as the granola is made with honey and not processed sugar.

Again the side affects are nothing short of miraculous. I thought I felt good before these changes. I cannot believe how flippin' amazing I feel now. Oh and my skin and hair are gorgeous. I swear I look 10 years younger. I happily go without makeup half the time because my skin just glows with good health.

Now the last thing, yep it was a failure but that is okay. It is all good. Recently I went to a couple of meditation seminars. They were wonderful and the practice is nothing short of transformative. But.....I have littles in my house. The act of trying to create a regular meditation time was causing me a great deal of stress and consternation. So I let it go.

Yep, I just let it go. There will be time for it later.

That is probably the best lesson of the whole month. Sometimes a very good thing is not good for us at the moment. Doesn't mean it will always be that way. Our lives change some often and rapidly. In six months Logan's sleeping could change and enable me to rise early and put a meditation practice in place. When it happens I will rejoice, love it, and savor the changes. But until then I am perfectly content to just let it go.

I am content. I am content in my space, my body, my place in life, in well, everything.

That is a beautiful and wondrous thing.

Peace my sweet friends.