Friday I was formulating an escape plan. I was going to either Costa Rico or California and I was going to learn to surf. This is particularly funny because I am really quite terrified of the ocean. I was just going to walk out of my life. Okay, so I wasn't totally serious but to be honest, I played with the idea in my mind. I was at the beginning of a meltdown. I was ready to fall apart.
The past few months have slowly been building with life stressors. We have been busy, too busy. I have not been taking the alone time necessary to remain in harmony. There was a big vacation. My youngest was admitted to the hospital. There were other things affecting me having to do with others I am not open to share. Slowly but surely I was acquiring baggage without even realizing it. My control and discipline was shattering and I was done.
Thankfully I have the most amazing husband in the world. Seriously, the man rocks. All I had to do was to tell him I was falling apart and he quickly removed all the extra responsibilities and let me have my meltdown in peace and solitude. That is exactly what I did.
So many people try to avoid this part of the cycle common to many of us. They try so hard to maintain control at all times until a big avalanche of emotion, pain, and desperation overwhelm them. The inevitable collapse leads to a shame and guilt spiral capable of rocking the foundations of life. I have learned I do not want to do this so when I feel the meltdown coming, I accept the reality and allow it to take me where it will.
The amazing part is those mini-breakdowns can actually result in greater strength and flexibility of mind. Allowing myself to flow with the experience has lead to a clarity of spirit and purpose unmatched by other methods. I understand myself more fully and come back refreshed and rejuvenated.
The way I see it is we go about our daily life unconsciously collecting baggage and unnoticeable parasites of guilt, other people's issues, regret, petty irritations, anger, dissatisfaction, a case of the what if's, etc. These slowly build up until they are putting pressure on our spirit causing angst and pain. The best way to cleanse these undesirables from our being is to allow everything to fall apart and then put ourselves back together without them. This allows us to fully cleanse any wounds we may have picked up and begin true healing. If we cleanse these wounds early they don't have the opportunity to fester and infect our souls, possibly ripping through us doing untold damage.
It is good thing to step out of life and reflect on what is going on. It is a good thing to take a moment and think, wow that hurt or that experience really scared me. How can I deal with these things in a positive and nurturing way? How can I nourish my being at this time? What do I need to grow from this?
I believe all things happen for a reason. I believe the willingness to flow with what life brings ultimately fulfills us far more than fighting that particular part of the path ever will. Each experience has purpose and is a window to understand ourselves in greater detail. Do not run from this opportunity. Embrace it and sit down and just cry if that is what you need to heal. You will be stronger from your release.
Namaste my precious friends and may harmony find you.