Each year of my life, at least recently, seems to have a theme to it. I don’t do this deliberately but it still happens. The past several years have been focused on becoming healthier be it physically, mentally, or spiritually. These years have led to some great things in my life.
This year seems to be entirely focused on art and creation. Almost out of the blue I am creating piece after piece of visual art. I am experimenting in different paints and other color mediums, textures, layers, and loving mixed media on the whole. I am learning piano as if I am fire. I have some musical backgrounds but wow, I am just flying through the lesson. I am truly having the time of my life. It is so much fun.
But it has been my most recent endeavor into creation that caused introspection on what is exactly going on with my life at this time. Writing has always been a natural outlet for me. I am a well spoken and articulate person but I have always felt more comfortable expressing myself through the written word. However, in the past several years I have not really been writing. Oh, I have the odd blog post and I journal on and off but I am talking about really delving deep into my craft. I mean the true exploration and playing with words, themes, and ideas. I have not been writing. Why?
Well I think there are two main factors. First, the past decade of my life has been filled with what have been life altering changes. Even though they were baby steps at the time the result has been dramatic and amazing. A little over a ten years ago I left the one truly co-dependent relationship I have had. I not saying my other relationships were models of health, but this was bad. The fact I stayed in those confines rocked my foundations and filled me with self doubt. Those doubts had to be dealt with if I were ever to be healthy again.
Very long story short, over these 10 years I have turned from an anxiety ridden, unpleasant (really could probably just use the word bitch here but hey, let’s be graceful) , and totally unhealthy person (I smoked like a fiend!) to a grounded, harmony filled person who deals with the challenges of life through meditation, yoga, and stronger focus on whole food nutrition and consistently practices an attitude of gratitude. I am not exaggerating when I say the change is night and day.
The second major change in my life is I have embraced and even rejoice in the fact I am a introvert. Actually, I am a really big introvert. For years I thought since I wasn’t shy and could handle groups and socializing just fine, I was an extravert. Since extravert is often the desired way of being in our society, I pushed myself to be just that. It drained me terribly and left me constantly emotional fragile and on edge. I am sure those misplaced attempts contributed to my simply lovely demeanor.
I think these two things drastically changed everything about my life. It definitely changed my vision of who I am and how I deal with life. It is the basis of my positive outlook on life. The upheaval, although ultimately wonderfully good, was huge and destabilizing. Yep, some chaos definitely ensued.
All of the above resulting in the need to really compost my experience. I love the idea of that. Experiences, thoughts, whatever lie fallow in your mind and unconscious being dealt with and worked over without you even consciously realizing it then one day BAM!! Explosion.
That is where I am now. I am having this incredible almost volcanic overflow of creativity and ideas. The artist energy feel like it is just coming out of every pore until I quietly glow all the time. It is really an exciting time and I am just riding the wave to see where it takes me. Hey, after 10 year, this could be really good.
May harmony find you my friends.
