Struggling

Alright, this blog is all about honesty so here it is. I am really struggling right now. There are all kinds of little things coming together to culminate is some bizarre, farcical rendition of Mr Toad's Wild Ride. First my training is HARD. Did I mention hard? Running 8 miles just exhausts me. Logan is into everything. He has learned to manipulate the child gates. Did I mention he is only 21 months old?? He is seriously a walking mess maker that hits when he is angry. Oh and does he get angry. Hannah is coming on her half year disequilibrium (3 1/2) and life has become dramatic, argumentative, whiny, and LOUD. The house is more of a mess than I am comfortable with on a daily basis. Eating healthy whole foods is proving to be a challenge. And we are going to buy a new car. I am actually excited about the last but serious even though it is well thought, planned, and we can afford it, the idea of spending the money it will take to buy a mid sized suv makes me want to vomit. Basically life is crazy and a bit rough.

Now that I have thrown out all the problems on the table, I guess I need to figure out what to do about them. I am a doer and I cannot just let them hang out. Drives me nuts. First and foremost, I am maintaining a positive attitude or desperately trying to each day. I know that makes me sound like Miss Suzy Sunshine on Prozac but seriously, what will getting all down, pouty, and weepy do for me?? Nothing, so I am going with forced cheeriness when necessary. It isn't fake if you admit to it, upfront and wholeheartedly.

The training is what it is. I knew it would be hard. I have never run this hard or this much in my life. Truthfully, it wouldn't mean very much if it was easy. So I shall continue on with my plan. OH, and be oh so very grateful that my husband rocks and is crazy supportive in all of this.

The kids, that is a biggie. We don't spank, don't yell, don't shame but honestly, these are the times that the rubber hits the road on these convictions. These are the times that test how serious you are about the whole thing. Well, we are that serious. One of the biggest problems has been screen time, for everyone including momma. I somehow went from not being okay at all with tv for kids to allowing them to watch absolutely sickening amounts. And now Hannah wants to play on the computer. One of the things all this enabled me to do was to spend far too much time on the computer. Well, we are all on strict lockdown. They are now limited to 1/2 hour in the morning and 1/2 hour after nap. I have put myself on a strict schedule as well. This will help, after the withdrawals, with alot of the drama around here. We already back to more reading, more crafts, and more time together. I love it and so do the kids.

The house just has to be as it is. It isn't scary filthy just not to my standards. Obviously, it is time to drop those standards for awhile. I am going to take this as another lesson in adjusting and being flexible for the season of life. Then I will indulge in a madcap spring cleaning spree in May. That will be happy.

Food is a tricky one, something has to give. You can eat nasty food for quick and cheap. Not going to do that. I am not going to work out this hard to trash my body. You can eat cheap and healthy if you are willing to put in the time to prep and do the work. Well, right now time is at a premium. So we are left with the only good option, we are going to eat healthy food prepped by someone else that costs a silly amount of money. It is only for 7-8 weeks so it is doable for right now. But it hurst my frugal little heart a bit.

As far as the car, I really am excited. We are looking at a Kia Sorrento or a Hyandai Verracruz. We are a super active and on the go family and we need more room to support that lifestyle. Also, I really want to be able to take mama and papa with us to things like the Forest Park Balloon Glow and the Our Lady of the Snow lights at Christmas. The kids adore spending time with them. It isn't a bad thing to hesitate before spending such a large sum of money. It makes you really think before you do it.

So it is a crazy time in life but there are still a myriad of opportunities to be intentional and grow. Maintaining a good attitude has been crucial. I am happy to see we are standing firm in our parenting convictions even when times are super tough. We will get through this and we will be better for it on the other side. Good times are great and wonderful. I love them. But it is during the tough times, the hard times, you can come to understand you are stronger and more flexible than you thought or if you find it hard, it points out where you need to change. That is always a wonderful thing when you look back on it.