Okay, this is crazy but I am going to do it anyway. I am going to run the Rock n' Roll St Louis FULL marathon. I cannot believe I would even want to but I really, really do. So that is exactly what I am going to work toward.
This is huge for me in ways hard to describe. I am a nit-picking, self-doubting perfectionist. I have often sabotaged my own accomplishments so I couldn't actually fail due to lack of ability. But even sneakier, I just didn't try someting unless I was almost certain I could finish easily and close to perfection. I did not truly have self confidence.
I have been reading Donald Miller and he talks about "inciting events". Basically, it means unless we have something push us down a hard path we will most likely continue along the comfortable, familiar path we are on. Even if it is a bad path for us, we will continue to plod along the path because it is the path we know. It takes a major event to steer us differently.
Running the half marathon was my inciting event. I am not even sure how I intially committed to it. I believe I was sort of just talking trash but then people found out about it. There were so many times I wanted to quit but continued because too many people knew and I didn't want to admit I was quitting. I am so very glad I didn't. I am so glad I continued to work harder and so above my comfort zone in order to not be humiliated. It changed everything.
Completing that difficult and emotional event finally gave me the self confidence I have been lacking. Failure lost most of its scariness. I now know I can go out and try to accomplish some pretty crazy things and as long as I really try, there is no shame in failure. Actually, there is just alot to be learned.
So now I am challenging myself to the next crazy event, the full marathon. I am going to train hard over the summer. I know it will be another difficult and life changing experience but this time, I am looking forward to it.