I have not been blogging as much lately because to be honest Blogger is bugging me. It no longer allows me to put paragraphs in my posts. No matter how it looks before I hit the publish button, as since as I click it bye bye paragraphs. I despise reading run on anything so this is a problem. I should either figure out how to put in paragraphs or just change to Wordpress but I can't summon the energy to figure things out. I am not sure it is important enough to take the time. Besides, perhaps I can get John to figure it out for me. I am not actually very computer literate. This upsets my father because what if something happens to John??? Well, first if something happens to my beloved the fact I have to figure out my own computer stuff would be pretty low on the list. But I could do it if I had to learn. So no worries on that front.
This summer, this time in my life has been very different for me. There have been many circumstances and things swirling around coming to a culmination. The first, or perhaps most important, is finally understanding I am an introvert. No, I am not shy at all. That is a misconception of what an introvert means. Being around groups of people, although fun, drains me dry. Being alone or with a very small, select group of friends, fills and refreshes me. I am embracing this part of me and learning about it.
I find it necessary to rethink many thing in this light. There are many layers and trappings upon my life put there by perceived social expectations. How much of my thought process is me and how much are these social traditions and group think I have allowed to influence my life? These questions have led to some very interesting introspection. I believe we should question everything. If our views and opinions cannot stand up to questioning, then they are worthless. Believing things solely on the basis that someone else told you it was true leads to an unexamined life and that is not for me.
I am learning to be okay enjoying my own company. I am learning to not be on the run all the time. I am learning to stop and relax. I think one of the most important lessons I am learning is to stop thinking all the time. I used to be someone whose mind never stopped. I thought, worried, and turned over everything constantly in my mind. It is not examining your life. It is just burning yourself out with unnecessary stress and worry. I am learning to mimic Scarlett O'Hara and just think about those things another day. To let these things go, to let them just float away, has been nothing short of revitalizing. It is such freedom to not be chained to our own thoughts and concerns.
Figurative chains and bondage has also been on my mind. Namely, how much do we owe other people? Do they deserve to have us in their lives even when it is draining us and inhibiting our own freedom? Is someone allowed a greater hold of us under the guise of family? I know the obvious answer is absolutely not. No one has the right to curtail our freedom or to bind us with chains of guilt. But how often does this happen subtly, quietly? How many times is the idea conveyed that we must stay in bondage or they won't make it? How often do we assume responsibility for someone when we have no right nor any desire to do so? These are questions and issues I have been looking into each day.
Besides the undue pressure and hardship we put upon ourselves by carrying another person's emotional baggage, we also do them a disservice and deny them the opportunity for growth. Perhaps trying to figure out what they need and how to help them is actually not a very kind thing to do. I think it is a better thing to allow them to devise a plan and put it into action. Otherwise, are we not stunting their personal growth? Does that not undermine any strength and self reliance they may derive from taking care of themselves?
So, this is what has been on my mind.
There has been much fun and play already this summer. I think it is going to be a great one for my family. But I also wanted to give you a deeper look beyond the adventurers and recipes.
Oh I hope this post has paragraphs.