Thursday, May 2, 2013
My Journey Thus Far
This picture represents the past four years of my journey.
A little over four years ago I gave birth to my son. Even though I had started to make some good changes in my life I was still uncomfortably heavy for my size, rather out of shape, and not very healthy overall. I fought with insecurity, I didn't trust myself or my inner voice, my mind raced, and I worried about what people thought of me, a lot.
A few days after we came home from the hospital I looked into the mirror and said, "Enough is enough." I was not going to slide into my forties fighting the same battles.
Oh the difference of four years.
It has been hard journey. My youngest was sick with acid re-flux and screamed so much for the first 15 months of life. I didn't sleep more than four hours at any given time for the first two years. Despite all my hard work the scale and my body refused to budge for multiple months at a time. But I persevered one day at a time. One step at a time.
Here are a few of things this picture represents in a rather random order:
1. I let go of traditional expectations. I stopped giving a damn of what others thought of me and my choices and decided to listen to my own inner wisdom. My own inner wisdom and intuition is amazing. If I am willing to quiet my mind and listen, it rarely leads me wrong.
2. I started to pursue an active yoga and meditation practice. This step was more important than I can express. Using these two in conjunction imparts a flexibility of both mind and body that continues to astound me. This is what stopped my mind racing. Meditation has enabled me to be in control of my thoughts, emotions, and therefore actions rather than being at their mercy. Many of the positive changes in my life direct stem from these practices.
3.Warrior spirit. This is huge for me. I know now that my strength of spirit and determination is mighty. I know I have the ability to accomplish what I seek to do. During the time of my son's sickness I trained and ran a half marathon. I then nursed my infant son as soon I came off the course. Later I trained and ran a full marathon. After an epic fall, I finished the race a bloody mess. I will tell you, both of these experiences made me realize I was bad ass warrior under my cute, effervescent exterior. Love this.
4. During this time I learned the importance of loving myself. I worked so hard at these goals. I learned so much about myself and what encouraged and inspired me. Sometime in the process I began to fall in love with myself. I found I have great love and respect for my mind, body, and spirit. I see the beauty of me in the mirror. I stopped criticizing myself and started practice affirmation and self love. I am now just in awe of my life, myself, and this journey. I have found it to be true, if you love yourself deeply and unconditionally it will enable you to love others more deeply and unconditionally.
5. Patience and love myself has definitely translated how I deal with my children. I have so much more grace, love, and understanding for them. That is of utmost importance.
6. After some really hard times my husband and I have emerged out the other side better for the experience. It did not drive us apart. We were there together through every step of survival, every day of sleep deprivation, and every moment of desperation and not knowing what to do. We are stronger and closer than ever. It was so hard but it was easier with my best friend by my side.
7. I discovered moderation doesn't work for me. I finally ditched that ever present idea in our society and went completely plant based. I have never felt better in my life. I have never looked better in my life. Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.
8. My newest leg of this journey, finding my tribe and celebrating and nurturing my relationships with my precious sister friends. To be blunt I never really put much faith in to most relationships with women. I found them to be shallow, gossipy, and too fond of betrayal. When you get what you put out, know what I mean? Now I put out completely different vibes and energies and the results are spectacular. I am finding the most beautiful, honest, and caring women are coming into my life. It is such an honor to be their friend and stand witness to their experience of life.
Ultimately this whole thing comes down to desiring and pursuing a life of authenticity and true love. That is what it comes down to for me. That is what is truly important. I am so glad I looked in the mirror and decided to change my path and my approach to life. In that picture I am 41 years old and my eyes see an amazing future unfolding.
May harmony find you.