This is my gorgeous boy. He is very much his own person. He follows his own path and does it with courage and joy. This past weekend we had to rush him to the emergency room and then admit him to the hospital. It was a nightmarish experience with tubes into his stomach, catheters, IVs and invasive tests. Our hospital was amazingly good but it was rough to say the least.
But like all experiences, good and bad, I believe there is something to be learned. Here are a few things I learned.
I am one strong bad ass chick. It was HARD to see my baby in so much pain and undergoing such extreme procedures. It made me want to run away. Instead I chose to stay right by my child the entire time. I stayed calm for him. I promised him I would not leave his side and I didn't. He cried and I remained his rock even though my heart was being ripped apart moment by moment. I stayed. I stood witness to his experience, to his pain.
Living in the present really is the best way to live. I remained in the moment. I didn't worry about the future and what might happen. I refused to berate myself for the past and not seeing the signs sooner. I stayed right there. People would ask what is next and I would reply, I don't know. I just know what we are doing right now. Remaining in the present, in the truth of the moment enhanced my strength. Refusing to play the what if game enabled me to surpass the limitations I thought I had.
Even though I have been sloughing off the tyranny of the urgent, there was some still hiding. This experience taught me there is almost nothing that cannot wait until later. It also streamlined my priorities even more. There were things I was still treating as if they really mattered and they just didn't. Love matters. Compassion matters. Family, both blood and chosen, matters. Peace and joy arise for these things. The rest just isn't really that important.
We are home now. I am so grateful for this episode. He is now on a treatment plan that should ensure this doesn't happen again.We are far more knowledgeable about his condition. I am far more knowledgeable about myself.
I am so incredibly grateful for that wisdom.