"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." A.A. Milne

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

That Moment When Everything Changes

I hope you are good with raw and probably not edited very well because I think that this going to be my style for the foreseeable future.

A few weeks ago I started experiencing vertigo. It was fairly significant at first but soon eased off. Still something felt off. I am not one who goes to doctors very often. I have a high pain tolerance and I just figure things will sort themselves out. Hey I am relatively young and quite healthy so it will all be okay, right? But something was just off so I went.

We went over everything and it was decided I should have an MRI. Just to be on the safe side, you know. No big deal.

Well, long story short. I have a brain aneurysm. I am 42 years old and a vessel could pop in my brain at any moment and it is over. Really changes your perspective on, well everything. This morning I spent time teaching my beautiful 6 year old daughter how to contact 911 and tell them our address and they we have dogs. Of course, we have talk about this but all of sudden the lesson seemed quite pressing.

I just found out today and I am meeting with a neurologist tomorrow. I have no idea what the prognosis will be but whatever it is that is what we have to deal with. There isn't a choice. I don't like that. I find I like my choices very much thank you.

Okay, now the good stuff and my friends there are always good things to be had. I find myself tearing up because of all the beauty in my life. My friends and family have already been offering help and prayers. I am surrounded by love and that is incredible. Then my husband, oh that man, that man. I don't think I say often enough how insanely lucky I am to have him my life. Do you know the Lana Del Ray song "Young and Beautiful"? She has this amazing, heartbreaking voice reminiscent of the torch singers of yesterday. She asks in her song if you will still love me when I am not longer young and beautiful and all I have left is my battered soul. In my relationship with my husband I can answer an unequivocal yes, yes he will still absolutely love me and stand by me no matter what happens. That knowledge leaves me feeling unbelievably secure. It is a comfort that means more to me than I can properly express.

I have been a little sad because I have not had much time for art, the piano, and reading. Now I have time to spend on those pursuits and really indulge in my creativity. I have something new to explore and I am effectively grounded from physical pursuits for the time being. One door closes and another one opens. Hannah and I will have more time for chess and science experiments. Logan and I can paint together and work puzzles. There are bright sides.

My best friend had super scary life threatening cancer. She beat it and her life has been irrevocably changed for the better. There are a multitude of stories like that. I choose to find hope in them. I think so much depends on your attitude. Will you stay positive, open, and loving? Will you see this as an opportunity to learn and grow? Will you take this reminder to cherish life for the precious, fleeting gift that it is?

Yes, yes I will. To all of it, yes I will.

May harmony and peace find you and fill your hearts and lives my friends.


  1. I just admire and love you and your spirit. It was instantaneous that moment I KNEW this chick was something special back at my first homeschool candy class ;) I am thankful our paths crossed and look forward to many many years of chats, earthing, and just breathing in the beauty of our existence because we can :)


  2. Karen, you are an amazing woman, friend, mother, and wife. You have taught me so much about myself. God has big plans for you. This was found and will be fixed. I will be lifting you up in fervent prayer.

  3. Thank you both so much. I truly appreciate your words of encouragement.

  4. Karen - My goodness, I haven't see you since high school. I can't even remember how I found out about your blog, but I read it and absolutely LOVE things that you write about. You will be in my prayers and I'm positive you will get through this. Take Care!

  5. Thank you so much. I just try to write from my heart.