Banishment

I am sad to say that I have fallen victim to caring too much about what a scale says about me. You can be walking along feeling great about life and accidently stumble onto a scale. I shouldn't get on, you think to yourself. But then, you do. That silly number can then wreak havoc on your mood. It is not okay!

Your weight is just one measurement of the whole of your health. There are so many other numbers, tests, and factors that need to be considered. Why does this one little number bother us so much? I don't have an answer. Societal conditioning? Some secret sense of masochism? Looking for a reason to beat ourselves up? Penance for forgotten sins? I don't know. And I don't care because I am banishing my scale, at least for the next several months if not longer.

When I started training for this half marathon I was 15-20lbs over where I need to be for my best physical shape. I have a bad back and extra weight counts alot. Also, I truly intend to shimmy up aerial silks for one of my summer's adventures so that is another consideration. And before anyone who knows me flips about me being too thin, a goal weight of 120-125lbs at 5'3 with a very small frame is not extreme. But I digress from my tale of banishment. I know me, I can either focus on losing this weight or I can focus on training for this half. I really can't do both at the same time. If I pay attention to weight there is a good chance I will cut food that I very much need to gain the muscle and endurance for this race. So I have made a promise to myself I will not get on a scale until after the race is over.

But that made me think, what if I just stay off the scale after the race is done? What if I just eat healthy and lead a very active lifestyle and let that be that? Is it crazy? Is it healthy? Can I do it? I think it may be crazy but a very good crazy. I think it may be the most healthy thing I could do both emotionally and physically. I might just be able to do it. Stay off the scale other than the obligatory once a year physical.

You see, I have another motive. I do not want to pass on my issues with food, weight, and body acceptance to my beautiful, gorgeous, perfect just as she is Hannah. I do NOT want my daughter to be poisoned with the bizarre and invasive body issues that abound in our culture. I don't want her to look in the mirror and see a false ugly rather than true beauty like her mother did. It has taken me so long to be comfortable with my body, to celebrate its unique beauty and the amazing, wondrous things God designed it to do. It has been a hard and heartbreaking battle I do not want my precious child to experience. So I think I may just banish that scale and the little number that is inflated beyond, so far beyond, its importance.

So I think I am going to give it a go and experience life without a scale. I hope that ultimately it brings me to greater acceptance of my innate beauty and myself and sets an example for my daughter. I want her to know how very special and amazing she is no matter what.