There are moments I am lost in beauty. This morning I stood on the back stairs outside and found myself mesmerized. There is an old evergreen rising up to tower above the roof tops. It was dark against a sunrise filled with gentle blues, soft grays, and brightly blushing hues of rose. It was so quiet except for the trill of a distant bird. The moment captured my heart.
These experiences are becoming vastly more common in my daily life. In mid-December I decided to turn my focus to the exploration of art. The mediums are enticing. I can form flower petals out of wire and papier mache. I can take the time to reacquaint myself with reading music and learn the recorder. Study the winter garden and draw the beauty I find in the bleakness of winter. Knit. Mosaic. Whatever strikes my fancy and engages the interest and passion of my heart.
Focusing on creating has been amazingly fun. I love it, I do. However, there has been an unexpected side effect that very well may eclipse my original intent. The pursuit has drawn me to be wholly present in the moment more than anything else ever has. It has enabled me to give my full attention to something with a a clarity and purpose I have never experienced before. It is truly amazing.
As this leg of my journey continues, I find I speak less and think more clearly. Life has slowed down even more and my priorities are simple and readily apparent to me. I find when I am trapped in a situation filled with complaints and negativity I can easily transfers my attention to some small beauty of nature outside a window until I am able to gentle extricate myself. I can lose myself in the rhythm and intricacies of whatever I am knitting and just let emotions and words I care not to absorb just wash over me an float away without inflicting harm.
Mediation and yoga have become easier. Having patience with my children has been less of a struggle. I find I have the ability to deeply connect wit my husband, my children, and dear friends with an ease I didn't know before. I find I can just let go of whatever no longer serves me.
This experience is just amazing. Once again life has proven to me I need to let go of expectations. Expectations limit everything and if you cling to them, you could very well miss something that proves to be extraordinary.
You are my inspiration, Karen. Someday, I will be like you. Why not now? I guess because life is too chaotic and uncertain for me to take the time to prioritize my well-being into my schedule. Everything else comes first. Someday, I will come first. Perhaps this spring.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! This was much harder when my youngest was born. He had acid reflux and cried all the time. Life was just insane. I did put in some self care then out of necessity but not with the rhythm and harmony I have created as the children have become older. Just try to remember not only are you worth it, your children, you husband, everyone will benefit for you taking care of your needs.
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