Comfortable Friends

Until recently, I sort of forgot about really comfortable friends. They can be old or new friends, that part doesn't really matter. But the important point is, you feel comfortable being yourself around them, really yourself. That's right, you are comfortable being completely authentic with them.

I am a really outgoing person when I am comfortable and at peace. I have no problem chatting and joking with complete strangers. Some of my most memorable encounters have been with people I never see again. There was a terrific encounter with a guy in a historic recreation that allowed me to discover I am a wicked hatchet throw with a balanced and well maintained weapon. It is who I am. It makes my life fun and supremely enjoyable. I would not change this characteristic for a million dollars, seriously.

For a time, I found myself hanging around people I didn't feel comfortable being myself. My true nature seemed to really embarass them. After awhile, I felt if I didn't just keep my head down and keep quite I would just upset their world to no end. The whole thing made me self conscious and start to second guess myself. Not a happy or freeing place to be at all!

Then I had an epiphany, why on earth I am spending my precious time around people who don't like me just the way I am? They only liked me, or at least it seemed to be, if I was willing to change who I was or tone it down. Well, toned down does not describe this woman one little bit. Passionate, exhuberant, intense, even explosive, but nothing resembling toned down. I decided I was flat out unwilling to change even if that meant I had no friends. Seriously, did I have friends to begin with if they all wanted me to change? I set out, as my precious friend Anita describes it, to find members of my tribe. Oh yes Anita, you are definately a member of my tribe. Those are people who accept and love me for exactly who I am. They may even choose to rejoice in my little quirks and eccentricities. I rejoice and honor them in return. I am so blessed to say that God quickly led me to many members of my tribe. We have been having such a marvelous time.

Today, I had an especially wonderful day in Old St Charles with my friend Holly. If you don't know what Old St Charles is, it is the old part of St Charles, Missouri. They are very into their history of being the starting point of the Lewis and Clark expedition and they know how to do a festival. Today was part of their Christmas celebration. Dickens characters, Santa Claus from around the world, and one hyper Sugar Plum Fairy (nope, wasn't me) graced the streets. There are tons of kitchy shops full of everything from real (expensive!) antiques, English and Scottish treats, the best baked potato soup, and handmade soap of french lavender. In the middle of this was a surprise parade. As I stood there threatening to tussle with a Dickens character that had earned to sobriquet "Mountain Goat" from an earlier enounter, I heard Holly laugh with joy. My soul and heart warmed with the knowledge that I had, once again, found a fabulously interesting and wonderful woman that was definately a member of my tribe. Glorious!

I encourage you all to find members of your tribe. Find people who love you and your unique character. Find the person that will proudly stand by you when you decide to go out, for whatever reason, in a lobster suit. Your life will be exponentially better. Do not waste your time with people who want you to change to suit their particular idea of what a friends should be. They aren't bad. They aren't "wrong". They just are not members of your tribe.

Heres to you Jef, the first person I knew to be in my tribe before I even knew what it meant.

Learning to Love or at Least Less Dislike Winter

I do not like winter. I don't. It is cold and it makes me grumpy. My hands crack and bleed every year not matter what I put on them. The air is dry which leads to constant thirst and more dry skin. I just want to sit inside covered in blankets and drink hot tea until spring shows up.

The only problem is my children. They have taken after their polar bear father and think 20 degrees is a lovely temperature for playing outside. They are ready to run out the door as soon as I crack it for the mail. A couple of days ago, Logan snuck out in the freezing morning in his pajamas and then howled with indignation and anger when I brought him back inside. Their love of frosty temperatures is incomprehensible to me.

But I love them, my children. So, I have invested in full winter gear. I have lined boots that reach my knees. They keep my footsies toasty warm. I have a great new coat that is water and wind resistent. It even has special cuffs around the wrist that hold it tight to my skin. I bought super soft and warm hats and scarves that I actually wear no matter how funky my hair looks. Gloves cover my chapped hands. I also have fleeces and turtleneck sweaters I layer beneath. I am searching for thin long underwear that will fit under my jeans. In other words, I am layered up and ready for the cold.

Is it worth it? Yes, it really is. Along with the cold, Hannah is absolutely in love with all things Christmas. All of the lights and decorations amaze her. Christmas trees in the middle of a crowded Walmart deserve intense scrutiny and compliments. She is simply transfixed by all things Christmas. So, of course, w0e had to go to the traditional small town Christmas parade.

It was so cold and so dark. She didn't understand what was going on but I could hold her attention because it was something about Christmas. Logan and daddy had left to sit in the car but Hannah and I stayed on waiting in the cold for the promised Christmas treat. I cuddled her close and whispered things in her ear. I told her how much I loved her, how she makes my Christmas more special than I could have ever imagine, that she is more beautiful to me than all the sparkly decorations. And then the distance, we heard the sirens and the music of the marching band. Hannah's eyes lit up that night. Each smile was full of joy and her face was suffused with the joy and happiness that belongs to children and a very blessed few. I saw those simple, small town decorations as dancing lights in her eyes. It was amazing. It was magical. It was breathtaking. It was still really very cold. Just trying to be real.

There I sat in my new winter gear. My body was almost as warm as my heart. It was a glorious night and worth all the layers and my cold nose.

So I am learning to love winter as I love all the other seasons. Why? Because contained within each season is precious memories and moments I share with my family and my friends. Because I do not want to sit out a moment of my amazing and blessed life let alone months each year. Now I have to go buy stronger hand cream.