Doesn't that sound deliciously pretentious? I rather like it. It is somewhat right on point however. Since leaving the world of social media I have felt as if my life has returned. It has been much fun and made me a bit sad I wasted so much of it. But no reason to fret about the past. This is about the present.
Well, first I fell into a bit of a funk. We have been having some rather large life stresses here at the Elvert household. They have resolved themselves rather satisfactorily for the most part but now the anxiety and other negative emotions have sort of crashed down out of their holding pattern. We are systematically digging our way out of that mess and joy is returning in full force.
I am beyond excited because my absolute bestie Jen has become a sahm. This move has resulted in many wonderful changes in her life. She is loving it. But since the world, or at least this blog, revolves around the brightest shining star in the firmament, namely me, the greatest benefit I see is I have been able to spend much more time in her beauteous presence. This is a wondrous and beautiful thing. This woman flat out nurtures and refreshes me. She is the person I never mind how much strength, joy, or positive energy she may need from me because she always returns it tenfold. Glorious I tell you. I am a better person for knowing her. She is the bomb, you know?
Another big thing is I am really into the whole unschooling thing. I LOVE it. I want my children to be life learners. Now whatever objections you may have, I must be honest, I don't really care to hear them. This method works for our family now and we will change direction when it stops working for us. I think that should be the motto for most families, don't you?
One off shoot of this knew found love of an unusual education philosophy is the new proliferation of classic literature in our home. You must understand something, I love classic literature. Shakespeare, Dickens, Milton, Homer, and so many more are old, old friends of mine. But in the years following the birth of my children my brain turned to something more resembling warm mush than a steel trap filled with lightening fast intellect. If you don't know, classics take quite a bit more work than my fave trashy urban fantasy reads.I have to think more. So hard, don't you agree?? But unschooling means I will strive to live out the notion that I will strive to be the person I want my children to become. So be it, enter the challnging literature. I think I am going to learn Italian next year. I will be going the Rosetta Stone path. I have heard good things and there is a dearth of classes in my immediate vicinity. Hopefully in a year my children will occasionally allow me 15 minutes uninterrupted. I doubt it but hope springs eternal.
What else? What else? The weather is amazing for February but I am hungering for the true warmth and earth- scented green of spring. It makes my spirit sing with joy and my soul come alive. I fairly hum with beauty of it and I LOVE it.
Finally, I am very excited because we bought tickets to Quiddam by Cirque du Soleil. I am giddy because they are floor seats. The are stomach turning expensive but we only do this once a year and it is an ultimate pleasure for me and it seems my husband just really likes for me to be happy. I danced for two days after the purchase. Now i just have to wait 4 months (seriously???) for the date to arrive. Patience is good and all, right?
So there you have it. A little rambly, slightly silly, and quite babbly but I guess that describes me right now so it is apt.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Friday, September 9, 2011
Who We Are vs What We Do
Our society values productivity and accomplishment. These expectations produce an atmoshpere of constant activity as people scurry around trying to do more and more. There is no free time because if any accidently appears, more stuff is quickly crammed into it.
These observations are not ground breaking. Many before me have taken not of the culture of relentless activity. The truth is it produces little more than exhasuted, worn-out, burnt-out people. It leads to a disconnect with families and nonexistent self care.
So my questions is, why do we do it?
I beleive the answer lies in the idea that we are nothing more than our accomplishments. We convince ourselves we have no personhood outside of what we do. Take away those trappings and we would cease to exist. More frightening to many, we would cease to be considered important by others. Since so few people truly have a strong, independent sense of self, this could easily be a tragedy.
I do not believe it has to be this way. More to the point, I do not believe it should be this way. There is much better if you have the courage to take it.
I truly believe that each person has intrinsic value and is worthwhile in and of themselves. I believe that within each heart, God has planted the seeds of greatness. By greatness, I do not mean the defination normally employed by society. I do not believe it entails a socially powerful, flashy, or notorious life where "everyone" knows you or worse, fears you. In fact with those extra pressures weighing heavily, I wonder if it is not harder to achieve ture joy and peace if you are that kind of "great" person.
No, the greatness I speak of is living a life of relational fullness. A life listening to the voice of God t guide you on a path that will quietly benefit you and those in your sphere of influence. A life filled with soft moments of true contentment and peace. Knowing each day you intentionally choose to live as many moments as possible intentionally and to their fullest potential.
That life may not look like much from the outside but on the inside, it is a life containing far more moments soaring with the eagles rahter than wallowing with the pigs.
Another aspect is how we view othe people. Often we are ignorant of the acts of kindess and charity the people around us commit and live out each day. How many people secretly slip the pastor a hundred dollars for the family who just lost their income? How many go about their lives helping neighbors, visitng the sick, and caring for those struggling? They quietly give aid, not looking for recognition. Instead they choose to preserve the dignity of those they help and are not looking to raise their own worth in the public eye.
How many times do we judge peole harshly when we cannot begin to fathom or understand their true story?
The bible tells us to live quiet lives of righteousness (please note this isn't self-righteousness) and to do good secretly and not seek public recognition. Christ also taught in the Sermon on the Mount that we should not judge others. I think these are both important ideas to keep in mind. Perhaps it will help us assign positive intent.
Many will argue that what we do is a testament to who we are and I agree, and disagree. It is a component and it does tell part of your story. But it is such a small part of you that it cannot be considered reliably indicative of your true self in enough instances. .
In the end, you are valuable and truly mean something just because you are you.
These observations are not ground breaking. Many before me have taken not of the culture of relentless activity. The truth is it produces little more than exhasuted, worn-out, burnt-out people. It leads to a disconnect with families and nonexistent self care.
So my questions is, why do we do it?
I beleive the answer lies in the idea that we are nothing more than our accomplishments. We convince ourselves we have no personhood outside of what we do. Take away those trappings and we would cease to exist. More frightening to many, we would cease to be considered important by others. Since so few people truly have a strong, independent sense of self, this could easily be a tragedy.
I do not believe it has to be this way. More to the point, I do not believe it should be this way. There is much better if you have the courage to take it.
I truly believe that each person has intrinsic value and is worthwhile in and of themselves. I believe that within each heart, God has planted the seeds of greatness. By greatness, I do not mean the defination normally employed by society. I do not believe it entails a socially powerful, flashy, or notorious life where "everyone" knows you or worse, fears you. In fact with those extra pressures weighing heavily, I wonder if it is not harder to achieve ture joy and peace if you are that kind of "great" person.
No, the greatness I speak of is living a life of relational fullness. A life listening to the voice of God t guide you on a path that will quietly benefit you and those in your sphere of influence. A life filled with soft moments of true contentment and peace. Knowing each day you intentionally choose to live as many moments as possible intentionally and to their fullest potential.
That life may not look like much from the outside but on the inside, it is a life containing far more moments soaring with the eagles rahter than wallowing with the pigs.
Another aspect is how we view othe people. Often we are ignorant of the acts of kindess and charity the people around us commit and live out each day. How many people secretly slip the pastor a hundred dollars for the family who just lost their income? How many go about their lives helping neighbors, visitng the sick, and caring for those struggling? They quietly give aid, not looking for recognition. Instead they choose to preserve the dignity of those they help and are not looking to raise their own worth in the public eye.
How many times do we judge peole harshly when we cannot begin to fathom or understand their true story?
The bible tells us to live quiet lives of righteousness (please note this isn't self-righteousness) and to do good secretly and not seek public recognition. Christ also taught in the Sermon on the Mount that we should not judge others. I think these are both important ideas to keep in mind. Perhaps it will help us assign positive intent.
Many will argue that what we do is a testament to who we are and I agree, and disagree. It is a component and it does tell part of your story. But it is such a small part of you that it cannot be considered reliably indicative of your true self in enough instances. .
In the end, you are valuable and truly mean something just because you are you.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Dealing With Hard Times Intentionally
I am going through a rough time in one of my relationships. On the Meyer Briggs Test, I am an ENFJ. That NF in the middle tranlates to relationships are extremely important to me. Another translation is when I am experiencing difficulties in said relationships, I hurt deeply.
In the past I would allowed this to push me close to the deep end. I would have allowed my health to fall apart. I would have desperately run from dealing with the issue in an effort to avoid being overwhelmed by my own big emotions. Big emotions scare me. They have alot of power.
But a new day has dawned in my life. I know strive to live intentionally and authentically. That includes living authentically and honestly with myself, perhaps the hardest of all.
So here are a few things I am doing differently on this particular emotional rollercoaster.
- Food: Normally I would go one of two way, either stop eating or turn to rich, fatty comfort foods. The worst scenario is when I have managed to combine the two in some twisted, strange dance of starving and binging. This time I am intentionally choosing to eat healthier than I even normally do. I am increasing my fruits and veggies and my water intake. I am being even more selective.
-Exercise: I would normally fall of the exercise wagon and then proceed to wallow in my misery. I would quickly feel yucky, bloated, and out of shape. This, of course, would quickly ramp up my depression to new and unglorious heights. This go around I am faithfully adhering to my preset workout schedule. I don't care if I feel like it or not, I am determined to drag my grumpy butt to the starting point of each workout and push my self to do it.
-Dealing with the Issue: Directly confronting my feelings of loss, sadness, and disappointment is very hard. We all know this. I normally would run fast trying, and failing, to escape my problems. I feel my emotions strongly and deeply and can be quickly overwhelmed. But the truth is running away just makes it worse and harder to deal with it. So I am journaling (um, and blogging). I have confiding and relying on my amazing husband. He is a rock. I am leaning on my close friends. It is hard for me to make myself vulerable but it is good and necessary as long as your confidantes are safe and trustworthy.
- Loving My Littles: I am taking more time to love on my babies. Of course, this makes me feel better but it is more for them. Like their momma, they are both sensitive to emotions. No surprise, they are exceedingly sensitive to my emotions. I want them to be reassured that mommy is not upset with them. Also, I think it is very important our children see us experiencing and dealing with big emotions in healhty ways. How else shall they learn?
-God: Finally and probably the most important thing, I am seeking God in all of this. I am praying and reading more scripture. I am seeking Him as my ultimate source of wisdom, guidance, comfort, and peace. He never leaves me and will always hold me safely to Him.
So things are a hard but I am working through it. I am not going to lie, I much prefer happy times. But these times are necessary. These times are when the greatest growth and character development happen. In the times of great hardship is when we look into the mirror of who we really are. And it is the greatest opportunity to learn to dance in the storm. (Thank you Boom Crash Opera)
In the past I would allowed this to push me close to the deep end. I would have allowed my health to fall apart. I would have desperately run from dealing with the issue in an effort to avoid being overwhelmed by my own big emotions. Big emotions scare me. They have alot of power.
But a new day has dawned in my life. I know strive to live intentionally and authentically. That includes living authentically and honestly with myself, perhaps the hardest of all.
So here are a few things I am doing differently on this particular emotional rollercoaster.
- Food: Normally I would go one of two way, either stop eating or turn to rich, fatty comfort foods. The worst scenario is when I have managed to combine the two in some twisted, strange dance of starving and binging. This time I am intentionally choosing to eat healthier than I even normally do. I am increasing my fruits and veggies and my water intake. I am being even more selective.
-Exercise: I would normally fall of the exercise wagon and then proceed to wallow in my misery. I would quickly feel yucky, bloated, and out of shape. This, of course, would quickly ramp up my depression to new and unglorious heights. This go around I am faithfully adhering to my preset workout schedule. I don't care if I feel like it or not, I am determined to drag my grumpy butt to the starting point of each workout and push my self to do it.
-Dealing with the Issue: Directly confronting my feelings of loss, sadness, and disappointment is very hard. We all know this. I normally would run fast trying, and failing, to escape my problems. I feel my emotions strongly and deeply and can be quickly overwhelmed. But the truth is running away just makes it worse and harder to deal with it. So I am journaling (um, and blogging). I have confiding and relying on my amazing husband. He is a rock. I am leaning on my close friends. It is hard for me to make myself vulerable but it is good and necessary as long as your confidantes are safe and trustworthy.
- Loving My Littles: I am taking more time to love on my babies. Of course, this makes me feel better but it is more for them. Like their momma, they are both sensitive to emotions. No surprise, they are exceedingly sensitive to my emotions. I want them to be reassured that mommy is not upset with them. Also, I think it is very important our children see us experiencing and dealing with big emotions in healhty ways. How else shall they learn?
-God: Finally and probably the most important thing, I am seeking God in all of this. I am praying and reading more scripture. I am seeking Him as my ultimate source of wisdom, guidance, comfort, and peace. He never leaves me and will always hold me safely to Him.
So things are a hard but I am working through it. I am not going to lie, I much prefer happy times. But these times are necessary. These times are when the greatest growth and character development happen. In the times of great hardship is when we look into the mirror of who we really are. And it is the greatest opportunity to learn to dance in the storm. (Thank you Boom Crash Opera)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Thankfully, I Have a Sense of Humor About Myself
Wow, it has been a long time since I have last blogged. Like many in the glorious summer months, I have been busy. There have been some great times but sadly, I have slipped back into an old habit. I found something figuratively shiny and fixated.
You can't fault me for my enthusiasm and gung ho attitude. I tackle projects, challenges, and mountains, sometimes literal ones, with focus, determination, and sometimes (um, often) an unhealthy dose of obsession.
Yes, once again I have jumped in with both feet and bit off more than I can chew. Well, at least more than I WANT to chew. I have been loving the running thing. Coupled with the challenge of copetition, my natural drift to fixation happily leapt to the forefront. I planned on running a full marathon this fall, another in the spring, and a half Ironman a year from September. Grab the bull by the horns, wrestle it to the ground, and then find another beast to tackle. Right??? Can I hear a woo hoo!!?? Um, maybe not the best idea.
Here is the dangerous thing, I am physically and metnally strong enough to accomplish these goals. But the only way I can is a the exclusion of pretty much everything else in my life. Obsessive focus, table for one.
Lately I ahve had that empty, unsatisfied feeling. It is the first sign of trouble. A harbinger of going down the wrong path. Due to the these feelings, I have been assessing my life to find the problem, brain dumping lists on paper to find the element out of balance. I was desperate to tweak life back to contentment and peace. So often the solution is right there in front of me but manages to stay hidden in some quantum shift blind spot.
When I finally resigned myself to put on the glasses of honesty, I realized I have neglected many important aspects of life. Physically, I have not been lifting, cross trianing, or practicing yoga. I am not physically balanced and I am starting to pay a price for said imbalance. I have not been creating. Hooping is a major creative outlet for me. I have also failed to write, hence the neglected blog. My knitting is sitting in the butler's pantry untouched. I had a burning desire to start working with mixed media art but it strangely evaporated.(Warning, warning, danger of obsession ahead)
Another clue to the mess emerging in my life is the chaos of my physical enviroment. The house is messier. Projects I was determined to finish have been left undone. My beloved garden has been turning into an overgrown, wild mess. And not in a good way! Anytime my environment is chaotic, I guarantee my mind is chaotic. In this mess, I do not thrive.
But the absolute final piece of this puzzle was the shape of my relationships. I am a relational person. Good friends and family quicken me with the essence of life. It is one of the main sources of my energy and joy. I have been letting them all slide. I have not been seeking out my friends. I have been distant with John. But the biggest indicator something is wrong, I have been short tempered with my precious babies. I have felt annoyed and easily frustrated. It is wrong in so many ways. They are my joy, my blessing, and my most precious gifts. The deserve so much better than the momma I have been.
Ultimately, it was readily apparent I have fixated on these races to the detriment of things and people much more important to me. The decision to back off and rebalance was inevitable. I have to take the time to refocus my energy and passion. I can still accomplish these goals but a much slower paced timeline.
Lately, I have beent thinking a great deal about women's perceptions of themselves. I know alot of women desperately trapped in the cycle and cage of living for others or worse, for what others may think about them. I am going to be honest, for a fleeting moment I wondered what some would think of my decision to back off. Would they think I was weak? a quitter? Then my beautiful friend humility, whom I do not see nearly often enough, showed up and gentle stood her ground on the notion it must be done for the good of all I love, no matter what.
Self confidence quickly followed the lovely humility and declared, "So what if they do? Do we really care about the thoughts of people who would judge us?" Well nope, not really.
I want to encourage you to make the decsions, however hard or unpopular, that best serves you and your family. I hope you learn to scoff and ignore the people who would judge you. They really aren't important, they just think they are.
In the end, Liz Phair sang it best, "I AM extraordinary!" and so are you. I promise.
Peace my friends.
You can't fault me for my enthusiasm and gung ho attitude. I tackle projects, challenges, and mountains, sometimes literal ones, with focus, determination, and sometimes (um, often) an unhealthy dose of obsession.
Yes, once again I have jumped in with both feet and bit off more than I can chew. Well, at least more than I WANT to chew. I have been loving the running thing. Coupled with the challenge of copetition, my natural drift to fixation happily leapt to the forefront. I planned on running a full marathon this fall, another in the spring, and a half Ironman a year from September. Grab the bull by the horns, wrestle it to the ground, and then find another beast to tackle. Right??? Can I hear a woo hoo!!?? Um, maybe not the best idea.
Here is the dangerous thing, I am physically and metnally strong enough to accomplish these goals. But the only way I can is a the exclusion of pretty much everything else in my life. Obsessive focus, table for one.
Lately I ahve had that empty, unsatisfied feeling. It is the first sign of trouble. A harbinger of going down the wrong path. Due to the these feelings, I have been assessing my life to find the problem, brain dumping lists on paper to find the element out of balance. I was desperate to tweak life back to contentment and peace. So often the solution is right there in front of me but manages to stay hidden in some quantum shift blind spot.
When I finally resigned myself to put on the glasses of honesty, I realized I have neglected many important aspects of life. Physically, I have not been lifting, cross trianing, or practicing yoga. I am not physically balanced and I am starting to pay a price for said imbalance. I have not been creating. Hooping is a major creative outlet for me. I have also failed to write, hence the neglected blog. My knitting is sitting in the butler's pantry untouched. I had a burning desire to start working with mixed media art but it strangely evaporated.(Warning, warning, danger of obsession ahead)
Another clue to the mess emerging in my life is the chaos of my physical enviroment. The house is messier. Projects I was determined to finish have been left undone. My beloved garden has been turning into an overgrown, wild mess. And not in a good way! Anytime my environment is chaotic, I guarantee my mind is chaotic. In this mess, I do not thrive.
But the absolute final piece of this puzzle was the shape of my relationships. I am a relational person. Good friends and family quicken me with the essence of life. It is one of the main sources of my energy and joy. I have been letting them all slide. I have not been seeking out my friends. I have been distant with John. But the biggest indicator something is wrong, I have been short tempered with my precious babies. I have felt annoyed and easily frustrated. It is wrong in so many ways. They are my joy, my blessing, and my most precious gifts. The deserve so much better than the momma I have been.
Ultimately, it was readily apparent I have fixated on these races to the detriment of things and people much more important to me. The decision to back off and rebalance was inevitable. I have to take the time to refocus my energy and passion. I can still accomplish these goals but a much slower paced timeline.
Lately, I have beent thinking a great deal about women's perceptions of themselves. I know alot of women desperately trapped in the cycle and cage of living for others or worse, for what others may think about them. I am going to be honest, for a fleeting moment I wondered what some would think of my decision to back off. Would they think I was weak? a quitter? Then my beautiful friend humility, whom I do not see nearly often enough, showed up and gentle stood her ground on the notion it must be done for the good of all I love, no matter what.
Self confidence quickly followed the lovely humility and declared, "So what if they do? Do we really care about the thoughts of people who would judge us?" Well nope, not really.
I want to encourage you to make the decsions, however hard or unpopular, that best serves you and your family. I hope you learn to scoff and ignore the people who would judge you. They really aren't important, they just think they are.
In the end, Liz Phair sang it best, "I AM extraordinary!" and so are you. I promise.
Peace my friends.
Monday, April 25, 2011
But What Do YOU Want?
So this entire post has come from the HGTV show "House Hunters" and a quote from Epicurus. Now how cool, groovy, and esoteric is that?? I am simply fascinated with the ubiquitous fascination of stainless steel appliances on "House Hunters". This couple will walk into a gorgeous kitchen, usually stating they never cook, look around and say, "Oh but the appliances aren't stainless. That is just a deal breaker!". I sit there thinking, "Really??? Why?? Have you tried to keep stainless looking good especially with children? Impossible. THIS is your deal breaker??". It makes no sense. And then the quote from Epicurus, "If thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires." All in all some pretty good stuff.
But then I started thinking. What if isn't our desires that cause so much strife and anxiety but the desires that we have been socially conditioned to accept as what everyone should want or more insidious, what the "good life" entails? What if keeping up with the Jones is what is really getting us, and keeping us, down?
I think we can all agree that several decades of relentlessly and ruthlessly attempting to keep up with that proverbial family has landed us all into serious hot water. If not you personally, then the country in general. The mindless pursuit of wealth and status has led to a staggering number of foreclosures, respossesions, sky high credit card bills, and bankruptcys. Even more sad, it is has led to divorce, depression, families ripped apart, and suicide. Remember, this is the "good life".
So I challenge you to really think about what you really want. If you take away all the commercials, ads, and adult peer pressure, what would actually make you happy and bring you true peace?
I will tell you what I want. I want a house full of love, laughter, gentleness, and joy. I want my children to run and laugh with abandon inside the house. I don't want no-no rooms or things lying around that would be tragic if they were broken in a game of don't touch the floor.
I don't want an impressively beautiful home. I want a home that is warm, lovely, and quirky. I want you to take off your shoes because you are are comfy and snug not because you might mess something up. I want a home full of hospitality. I hope my home will be the place deep relationships are born and nurtured. A place where you know you can come to laugh, share your joys, cry when your heart is breaking, or lean on a strong shoulder when you just can't do it alone anymore. I don't want it to be a showcase of all my fancy material stuff.
I want a home filled with ideas. I want passionate and lively discussion not zombies in front of a huge flat screen tv. I want books passed around, digested, and dissected. I want to hear arguments over what Shakespeare really meant by....
I want yummy, healthy food. I want friends to stop by for a quick bowl of hearty soup. I want dinner parties full of joy and friendship. Not formal affairs, but casual craziness that finds people on the floor, the couch, the sunroom, wherever.
I want a car that can handle muddy trips to the creek. I see tired babies falling asleep after a day of adventure and exploration. Their dreams are of all the wonderful things they have seen not momma screaming because the precious interior of the car might get dirty.
I don't want a Wii. Nope not at all. I don't want a game system to simulate experiences. I would much rather play tennis with my children, take them bowling, hula hoop with them outside. There is no need to pretend if you really do it. In addition, I want to be active in general. I want long family hikes. I want to play without inhibition on the playground with my children. I want to race together when we are older.
I desperately want my children to know that it is NOT necessary to always give your best and your all to any endeavor. I want them to learn that sometimes good enough IS good enough. I hope they learn that not striving for perfection can be much healthier and leave more time and energy for other things. Be the best all the time often leads to adults desperately overcoming perfection and self confidence issues.
I want my children to be open and willing to try new things and fail gloriously. I want them to try the piano even if they are tone deaf. I want them to understand that parents who scream and berate their children to constantly succeed at all costs are....wrong and sad.
I want a family that love God with all their mind, all the heart, all the strenth, with all their all. I want a house laid back enought to fingerpaint and make paper mache messes, to create. I want a family who shares close bonds, love, laughter, tears, fears, joys, and sorrows without shame or derision. I want friends who are family and family who are friends.
Truthfully, I am extraordinarily bless that I already have most of my wants. Some days are better than others. Some days I get caught up in wanting some nonsense a well paid ad executive told me to want. But most days, this is what I want and I praise God because this is what I have. So I aske you, what do you want?
But then I started thinking. What if isn't our desires that cause so much strife and anxiety but the desires that we have been socially conditioned to accept as what everyone should want or more insidious, what the "good life" entails? What if keeping up with the Jones is what is really getting us, and keeping us, down?
I think we can all agree that several decades of relentlessly and ruthlessly attempting to keep up with that proverbial family has landed us all into serious hot water. If not you personally, then the country in general. The mindless pursuit of wealth and status has led to a staggering number of foreclosures, respossesions, sky high credit card bills, and bankruptcys. Even more sad, it is has led to divorce, depression, families ripped apart, and suicide. Remember, this is the "good life".
So I challenge you to really think about what you really want. If you take away all the commercials, ads, and adult peer pressure, what would actually make you happy and bring you true peace?
I will tell you what I want. I want a house full of love, laughter, gentleness, and joy. I want my children to run and laugh with abandon inside the house. I don't want no-no rooms or things lying around that would be tragic if they were broken in a game of don't touch the floor.
I don't want an impressively beautiful home. I want a home that is warm, lovely, and quirky. I want you to take off your shoes because you are are comfy and snug not because you might mess something up. I want a home full of hospitality. I hope my home will be the place deep relationships are born and nurtured. A place where you know you can come to laugh, share your joys, cry when your heart is breaking, or lean on a strong shoulder when you just can't do it alone anymore. I don't want it to be a showcase of all my fancy material stuff.
I want a home filled with ideas. I want passionate and lively discussion not zombies in front of a huge flat screen tv. I want books passed around, digested, and dissected. I want to hear arguments over what Shakespeare really meant by....
I want yummy, healthy food. I want friends to stop by for a quick bowl of hearty soup. I want dinner parties full of joy and friendship. Not formal affairs, but casual craziness that finds people on the floor, the couch, the sunroom, wherever.
I want a car that can handle muddy trips to the creek. I see tired babies falling asleep after a day of adventure and exploration. Their dreams are of all the wonderful things they have seen not momma screaming because the precious interior of the car might get dirty.
I don't want a Wii. Nope not at all. I don't want a game system to simulate experiences. I would much rather play tennis with my children, take them bowling, hula hoop with them outside. There is no need to pretend if you really do it. In addition, I want to be active in general. I want long family hikes. I want to play without inhibition on the playground with my children. I want to race together when we are older.
I desperately want my children to know that it is NOT necessary to always give your best and your all to any endeavor. I want them to learn that sometimes good enough IS good enough. I hope they learn that not striving for perfection can be much healthier and leave more time and energy for other things. Be the best all the time often leads to adults desperately overcoming perfection and self confidence issues.
I want my children to be open and willing to try new things and fail gloriously. I want them to try the piano even if they are tone deaf. I want them to understand that parents who scream and berate their children to constantly succeed at all costs are....wrong and sad.
I want a family that love God with all their mind, all the heart, all the strenth, with all their all. I want a house laid back enought to fingerpaint and make paper mache messes, to create. I want a family who shares close bonds, love, laughter, tears, fears, joys, and sorrows without shame or derision. I want friends who are family and family who are friends.
Truthfully, I am extraordinarily bless that I already have most of my wants. Some days are better than others. Some days I get caught up in wanting some nonsense a well paid ad executive told me to want. But most days, this is what I want and I praise God because this is what I have. So I aske you, what do you want?
Friday, April 1, 2011
I Want to Train for Cirque du Soleil
Okay, I ran into another blog post over at A Whole Lot of Hoop Love (sorry I can't figure out how to embed and I am excited about my subject) about the things she wants to do to be a circus performer. I totally get where she is coming from with this. I really do. You see, I have a whole plan laid out on my journey to train for Cirque du Soleil. Do I think I am going to get there?? Well of course not, I am an almost 40 year old women with two small children. I am neither young/flexible enough nor free from responsibilities enough to run off to join any circus. But the journey, oh my the journey will be AMAZING!! I already hoop and I will take classes for my doubles and minis soon. I want to learn more poi over the summer. I intend to take belly dancing lessons soon. And then the coolest, coolest part, AERIALS! Bumbershoots here in St Louis has classes for both aerial silks and aerial hoop. Hubs says go for it!! (Love, love that man. He truly is coolest hubs evah!!!!) So that is my plan for the next 6 months or so, to explore the creative and physical side of the circus-y type arts. They are so elegant, beautiful, and let's be honest, downright gorgeous. It is just the kind of beauty in my life and my world that makes me happy. I just had a morning with my amazing friend Sarah. Seriously, she is one of the most beautiful and light filled souls I have ever met. My week is better from the visit. I know my life is better because of the friendship. Anyhoo, we were discussing my let's call it gregarious and inhibition free personality. I wasn't always like this. I used to be caught up in the world and the rat race that so aptly describes it. I used to think I will be happy and really start living my life when... oh fill in the blank. It didn't matter what is is but it held me back. One day I thought, I am done. I am living today for today and living a life that I am proud of and makes me happy. And that is what I did. And now what makes me proud and happy is to train to be a circus performer. I love my life. It is so cool to me.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Cultivating Friendships
It is less than two weeks before my first half marathon, my first race ever. I am very excited. I am running 12 miles this weekend but the thing is, I am ready. I am surprised but there you are. I don't know how fast or amazing I will be but I am ready. Actually, I will be pretty amazing to me because I am going to run 13.1 miles and that is pretty fabulous to me. I have a hard time believing it is real. But it is very real. So what next? That is the question right? I like what knowing what is next. It gives me comfort. In reality, I am fairly flexible and okay with my plans changing but I still like a plan, a rough map so to speak. The next stage is presenting itself in all its alliterative glory, "Family, Friends, and Fun". Not the most original perhaps but it is important to me. What does it mean exactly? Two things are a part of the foundation of this plan that make appear to be unrelated at first glance but I believe them to be critical. First, I am committing to a 60 day yoga challenge. Each day I will do at least 20 minutes of yoga. I hope to do much more but I want to make a realistic challenge. After all, I have two littles who very much need my attention. The second is all about the food. We are looking to really clean up our diet. We, hubs and I, are focusing on lots of fresh veggies and fruit with as much locally grown as possible. In fact, we are going to do some container gardening ourselves. We desire to follow as closet to a whole foods diet as possible with little to no processed food. Including within that statement is the idea that causes me a great deal of trepidation, saying good bye to white and brown sugar for the duration. It could be 30 days, 60 days, or who knows. I do know that I have an addiction to sugar and this is the only way to clean it from my system. What do the above two things have to do with a summer of "Food, Family, and Fun"? Well, I have known for awhile that I am slightly off center of the place a desire to be in my life. I don't like the word balance. It implies perfection to me and I am learning to revel in my glorious imperfect nature. Perhaps I can call it the center of my life. It is the place I am healthiest, happiest, and most at peace. It brings me calm. I like it there, its nice. It is also the best starting point for any endeavor I may undertake. Yoga and healthy, nourishing foods are two of the greatest helps to get there. This summer is important to me although it may seems fanciful or just another way to follow my bliss. Connections and relationships are of utmost important in our lives. I am coming to believe that although technology brings a great deal of information, help, and enables us to do things that just a few years ago were unthinkable, it also is creating distance and disharmony in our lives. I want to close those gaps and feel harmony again. I intend to actively pursue quality within my relationships. This intention is both for friends and family. I intend to eshew much of the technology in my home and focus instead and companionship and building friendships. I want to take the time to really get to know some just amazing people in my life. I have not decided how this will unpack, exactly. With so much of the everyday workings of my life on the computer, it is hard to get rid of it for any extended period of time. I do think it will be regulated to very limit use. Some days any screen time will be verboten. I desire to live my life more in reality than online. I want to take this time to refresh myself and revitalize my passions. This summer I hope my joie de vivre will explode and the result will turn the ordinary magical.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Comfortable Friends
Until recently, I sort of forgot about really comfortable friends. They can be old or new friends, that part doesn't really matter. But the important point is, you feel comfortable being yourself around them, really yourself. That's right, you are comfortable being completely authentic with them.
I am a really outgoing person when I am comfortable and at peace. I have no problem chatting and joking with complete strangers. Some of my most memorable encounters have been with people I never see again. There was a terrific encounter with a guy in a historic recreation that allowed me to discover I am a wicked hatchet throw with a balanced and well maintained weapon. It is who I am. It makes my life fun and supremely enjoyable. I would not change this characteristic for a million dollars, seriously.
For a time, I found myself hanging around people I didn't feel comfortable being myself. My true nature seemed to really embarass them. After awhile, I felt if I didn't just keep my head down and keep quite I would just upset their world to no end. The whole thing made me self conscious and start to second guess myself. Not a happy or freeing place to be at all!
Then I had an epiphany, why on earth I am spending my precious time around people who don't like me just the way I am? They only liked me, or at least it seemed to be, if I was willing to change who I was or tone it down. Well, toned down does not describe this woman one little bit. Passionate, exhuberant, intense, even explosive, but nothing resembling toned down. I decided I was flat out unwilling to change even if that meant I had no friends. Seriously, did I have friends to begin with if they all wanted me to change? I set out, as my precious friend Anita describes it, to find members of my tribe. Oh yes Anita, you are definately a member of my tribe. Those are people who accept and love me for exactly who I am. They may even choose to rejoice in my little quirks and eccentricities. I rejoice and honor them in return. I am so blessed to say that God quickly led me to many members of my tribe. We have been having such a marvelous time.
Today, I had an especially wonderful day in Old St Charles with my friend Holly. If you don't know what Old St Charles is, it is the old part of St Charles, Missouri. They are very into their history of being the starting point of the Lewis and Clark expedition and they know how to do a festival. Today was part of their Christmas celebration. Dickens characters, Santa Claus from around the world, and one hyper Sugar Plum Fairy (nope, wasn't me) graced the streets. There are tons of kitchy shops full of everything from real (expensive!) antiques, English and Scottish treats, the best baked potato soup, and handmade soap of french lavender. In the middle of this was a surprise parade. As I stood there threatening to tussle with a Dickens character that had earned to sobriquet "Mountain Goat" from an earlier enounter, I heard Holly laugh with joy. My soul and heart warmed with the knowledge that I had, once again, found a fabulously interesting and wonderful woman that was definately a member of my tribe. Glorious!
I encourage you all to find members of your tribe. Find people who love you and your unique character. Find the person that will proudly stand by you when you decide to go out, for whatever reason, in a lobster suit. Your life will be exponentially better. Do not waste your time with people who want you to change to suit their particular idea of what a friends should be. They aren't bad. They aren't "wrong". They just are not members of your tribe.
Heres to you Jef, the first person I knew to be in my tribe before I even knew what it meant.
I am a really outgoing person when I am comfortable and at peace. I have no problem chatting and joking with complete strangers. Some of my most memorable encounters have been with people I never see again. There was a terrific encounter with a guy in a historic recreation that allowed me to discover I am a wicked hatchet throw with a balanced and well maintained weapon. It is who I am. It makes my life fun and supremely enjoyable. I would not change this characteristic for a million dollars, seriously.
For a time, I found myself hanging around people I didn't feel comfortable being myself. My true nature seemed to really embarass them. After awhile, I felt if I didn't just keep my head down and keep quite I would just upset their world to no end. The whole thing made me self conscious and start to second guess myself. Not a happy or freeing place to be at all!
Then I had an epiphany, why on earth I am spending my precious time around people who don't like me just the way I am? They only liked me, or at least it seemed to be, if I was willing to change who I was or tone it down. Well, toned down does not describe this woman one little bit. Passionate, exhuberant, intense, even explosive, but nothing resembling toned down. I decided I was flat out unwilling to change even if that meant I had no friends. Seriously, did I have friends to begin with if they all wanted me to change? I set out, as my precious friend Anita describes it, to find members of my tribe. Oh yes Anita, you are definately a member of my tribe. Those are people who accept and love me for exactly who I am. They may even choose to rejoice in my little quirks and eccentricities. I rejoice and honor them in return. I am so blessed to say that God quickly led me to many members of my tribe. We have been having such a marvelous time.
Today, I had an especially wonderful day in Old St Charles with my friend Holly. If you don't know what Old St Charles is, it is the old part of St Charles, Missouri. They are very into their history of being the starting point of the Lewis and Clark expedition and they know how to do a festival. Today was part of their Christmas celebration. Dickens characters, Santa Claus from around the world, and one hyper Sugar Plum Fairy (nope, wasn't me) graced the streets. There are tons of kitchy shops full of everything from real (expensive!) antiques, English and Scottish treats, the best baked potato soup, and handmade soap of french lavender. In the middle of this was a surprise parade. As I stood there threatening to tussle with a Dickens character that had earned to sobriquet "Mountain Goat" from an earlier enounter, I heard Holly laugh with joy. My soul and heart warmed with the knowledge that I had, once again, found a fabulously interesting and wonderful woman that was definately a member of my tribe. Glorious!
I encourage you all to find members of your tribe. Find people who love you and your unique character. Find the person that will proudly stand by you when you decide to go out, for whatever reason, in a lobster suit. Your life will be exponentially better. Do not waste your time with people who want you to change to suit their particular idea of what a friends should be. They aren't bad. They aren't "wrong". They just are not members of your tribe.
Heres to you Jef, the first person I knew to be in my tribe before I even knew what it meant.
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