I am an introvert. It is rather funny but true. Yes, I am boisterous and exhuberant. Yes, I am chatty and rarely meet a stranger. But the reality is, I am a fairly large introvert. All of that living life out loud exacts a price. It often exhauts me and leave me emotionally raw. Learning the proper balance in my life has been crucial. I used to think I was almost 50/50 extrovert/introvert. I have begun to realize it is more like 40/60 or even 30/70.
Then there is another mitigating factor. Sometimes people just get on my last nerve....seriously.
That is where I found myself today, sort of emotionally raw and not feeling oh so friendly and loving to others (my kids and husband are thankfully exempt). So we had a ditch day from life.
Cannot begin to tell you how much of a right choice this was.
I loaded the kids and a picnic lunch up in the car and off we went. We travelled to a park not remotely local. No one knew us there and that was a beautiful thing. The really beautiful thing was the day and the setting. First this weather had been unbelieveable. It was in the mid 80's. That is just phenomenal weather in St Louis in March. But the park was just incredible. There were rolling hills, horses, a playground, and walking trails that twisted and turned through ponds and creeks. The kids had a ball and I relished the silence and peace.
Don't get me wrong, I love people. I really do. But sometimes I just need a break from it all. I don't see this as a bad thing. It is just a me thing. I embrace it and nurture it. Fighting it wouldn't do anything but cause more pain, stress, and suffereing. And what is the point of that???
I am going to start adding pictures to my blog. I think it adds a little something, a little interest. My cord to download has been living in Dallas until recently. We expect it home soon.
I am really excited to share with you some rather huge changes I have made in March. I am just waiting for the month to finish out. It is the whole, I have done this for a month thing. It is good stuff.
I guess this post is about knowing who you are and what you need. This knowledge helps us become better at being ourselves. That is also a good thing. I encourage all of you to play hooky some days and think about what you really need and what your priorities really are. It might just surprised you.
Showing posts with label emotional stability. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional stability. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
My Life Thus Far....
Doesn't that sound deliciously pretentious? I rather like it. It is somewhat right on point however. Since leaving the world of social media I have felt as if my life has returned. It has been much fun and made me a bit sad I wasted so much of it. But no reason to fret about the past. This is about the present.
Well, first I fell into a bit of a funk. We have been having some rather large life stresses here at the Elvert household. They have resolved themselves rather satisfactorily for the most part but now the anxiety and other negative emotions have sort of crashed down out of their holding pattern. We are systematically digging our way out of that mess and joy is returning in full force.
I am beyond excited because my absolute bestie Jen has become a sahm. This move has resulted in many wonderful changes in her life. She is loving it. But since the world, or at least this blog, revolves around the brightest shining star in the firmament, namely me, the greatest benefit I see is I have been able to spend much more time in her beauteous presence. This is a wondrous and beautiful thing. This woman flat out nurtures and refreshes me. She is the person I never mind how much strength, joy, or positive energy she may need from me because she always returns it tenfold. Glorious I tell you. I am a better person for knowing her. She is the bomb, you know?
Another big thing is I am really into the whole unschooling thing. I LOVE it. I want my children to be life learners. Now whatever objections you may have, I must be honest, I don't really care to hear them. This method works for our family now and we will change direction when it stops working for us. I think that should be the motto for most families, don't you?
One off shoot of this knew found love of an unusual education philosophy is the new proliferation of classic literature in our home. You must understand something, I love classic literature. Shakespeare, Dickens, Milton, Homer, and so many more are old, old friends of mine. But in the years following the birth of my children my brain turned to something more resembling warm mush than a steel trap filled with lightening fast intellect. If you don't know, classics take quite a bit more work than my fave trashy urban fantasy reads.I have to think more. So hard, don't you agree?? But unschooling means I will strive to live out the notion that I will strive to be the person I want my children to become. So be it, enter the challnging literature. I think I am going to learn Italian next year. I will be going the Rosetta Stone path. I have heard good things and there is a dearth of classes in my immediate vicinity. Hopefully in a year my children will occasionally allow me 15 minutes uninterrupted. I doubt it but hope springs eternal.
What else? What else? The weather is amazing for February but I am hungering for the true warmth and earth- scented green of spring. It makes my spirit sing with joy and my soul come alive. I fairly hum with beauty of it and I LOVE it.
Finally, I am very excited because we bought tickets to Quiddam by Cirque du Soleil. I am giddy because they are floor seats. The are stomach turning expensive but we only do this once a year and it is an ultimate pleasure for me and it seems my husband just really likes for me to be happy. I danced for two days after the purchase. Now i just have to wait 4 months (seriously???) for the date to arrive. Patience is good and all, right?
So there you have it. A little rambly, slightly silly, and quite babbly but I guess that describes me right now so it is apt.
Well, first I fell into a bit of a funk. We have been having some rather large life stresses here at the Elvert household. They have resolved themselves rather satisfactorily for the most part but now the anxiety and other negative emotions have sort of crashed down out of their holding pattern. We are systematically digging our way out of that mess and joy is returning in full force.
I am beyond excited because my absolute bestie Jen has become a sahm. This move has resulted in many wonderful changes in her life. She is loving it. But since the world, or at least this blog, revolves around the brightest shining star in the firmament, namely me, the greatest benefit I see is I have been able to spend much more time in her beauteous presence. This is a wondrous and beautiful thing. This woman flat out nurtures and refreshes me. She is the person I never mind how much strength, joy, or positive energy she may need from me because she always returns it tenfold. Glorious I tell you. I am a better person for knowing her. She is the bomb, you know?
Another big thing is I am really into the whole unschooling thing. I LOVE it. I want my children to be life learners. Now whatever objections you may have, I must be honest, I don't really care to hear them. This method works for our family now and we will change direction when it stops working for us. I think that should be the motto for most families, don't you?
One off shoot of this knew found love of an unusual education philosophy is the new proliferation of classic literature in our home. You must understand something, I love classic literature. Shakespeare, Dickens, Milton, Homer, and so many more are old, old friends of mine. But in the years following the birth of my children my brain turned to something more resembling warm mush than a steel trap filled with lightening fast intellect. If you don't know, classics take quite a bit more work than my fave trashy urban fantasy reads.I have to think more. So hard, don't you agree?? But unschooling means I will strive to live out the notion that I will strive to be the person I want my children to become. So be it, enter the challnging literature. I think I am going to learn Italian next year. I will be going the Rosetta Stone path. I have heard good things and there is a dearth of classes in my immediate vicinity. Hopefully in a year my children will occasionally allow me 15 minutes uninterrupted. I doubt it but hope springs eternal.
What else? What else? The weather is amazing for February but I am hungering for the true warmth and earth- scented green of spring. It makes my spirit sing with joy and my soul come alive. I fairly hum with beauty of it and I LOVE it.
Finally, I am very excited because we bought tickets to Quiddam by Cirque du Soleil. I am giddy because they are floor seats. The are stomach turning expensive but we only do this once a year and it is an ultimate pleasure for me and it seems my husband just really likes for me to be happy. I danced for two days after the purchase. Now i just have to wait 4 months (seriously???) for the date to arrive. Patience is good and all, right?
So there you have it. A little rambly, slightly silly, and quite babbly but I guess that describes me right now so it is apt.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Priorities of a Different Path
Something on Facebook brought some thoughts to my mind. How often do I run into women who are exhausted, worn out, burnt out, overextended, and ready to cry. I would say the majority of women I know fall into this category. It was even said that everyone is overextended as if it is a simple fact of life that must be dealt with but never left behind. I am sure as we go about our daily lives, it may just feel that way. The average woman in our society has problems saying no and trouble maintaining healthy boundaries. It almost seems to be a societal conspiracy to convince her she is responsible for everyone and their emotions. I have seen the extreme in a few troubled Christian women who will not leave their abusive husbands because they are thoroughly convinced their staying and taking punches will ultimately save his soul. That is the extreme but how many women do you know neglect their health and well being in order to live up to some unreachable expectation place upon them by society and sadly, themselves? Maybe everyone, or every women, is just overextended. There is only one problem with that hypothesis.
I am not and I haven't been for quite some time.
More to the point, I know several other women who are not. These women and I refuse to follow that path. For me it leads to sadness, despair, and depression. Now matter how I strived for perfection I would always fail and it ate me up inside. So you know what I did? I quit. I refused to strap myself in to that insane rollercoaster. I have chosen a different path. And I have absolutely no regrets. None.
What I think it really comes down to is priorites. What you value in your life defines you. What you value in your life will shape every facet of your existence. It is who you are. My top three priorities shape me into my being. They are.
1. Peace in my life and in my home.
2. Relational living which means I work to have deep, meaningful relationships with my husband, my children, and the other important people in my life
3. The heath of me and my family. This includes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
How this all works is every step and every choice is deeply and profoundly influenced by these tenets of my life. As I said above, I used to be a terrible perfectionist. I drove myself to exhaustion. I would be cleaning my house at midnight when my body desperately needed sleep and rest. Now to maintain peace and health in my life, I still keep a fairly clean home. However, since perfect cleanliness is no longer the end goal my expectations are far more reasonable. I am much more gentle and graceful with myself.
I love feeding my family healthy whole food. I would love to feed them organic and/or grass fed everything always cooked from scratch. But it would literally drive me to distraction. While trying to hold a standard of excellence for physical health, I would stress and fret alot and ultimately sacrifice emotional and mental health. So there are compromises made to maintain the balance of needs of my entire family.
I take alot more time to myself than most of the women I know. I run, I read, I meditate, and do alot of yoga. I seek inspiration from the bible when I am feeling a bit ragged and know sometimes nothing would do my soul better than meeting a friend for coffee and laughter until I am crying with joy. I guarantee you that all the time I take drastically increases my ability to be a loving wife, mother, and friend. Not running around feeling like I am going to drop and insisting on regularly refreshing my spirit as enabled me to the person I really wanted to be even though it took me a long time to realize it.
I won't lie, there are sacrifices. We live in a much less expensive house than many of our friends. Other than a recent exception, we buy used cars. We don't eat out alot or go out on the town with friends. I have to plan and save for many of our purchases even things some people think are harmless impulse. We miss some holiday gatherings that would be really fun because I keep our committments down to a minimum. We can't do every activity or field trip. We can't run in every race nor travel as much as others.
But I am more than happy with our decisions. We love our life and we would not change it. The peace and joy we are privilege to feel every day makes it all worthwhile.
So if you love your life as it is, that is great. But if you don't, if you are constantly feeling worn and exhausted, there is another way. You can choose a different path.
I am not and I haven't been for quite some time.
More to the point, I know several other women who are not. These women and I refuse to follow that path. For me it leads to sadness, despair, and depression. Now matter how I strived for perfection I would always fail and it ate me up inside. So you know what I did? I quit. I refused to strap myself in to that insane rollercoaster. I have chosen a different path. And I have absolutely no regrets. None.
What I think it really comes down to is priorites. What you value in your life defines you. What you value in your life will shape every facet of your existence. It is who you are. My top three priorities shape me into my being. They are.
1. Peace in my life and in my home.
2. Relational living which means I work to have deep, meaningful relationships with my husband, my children, and the other important people in my life
3. The heath of me and my family. This includes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
How this all works is every step and every choice is deeply and profoundly influenced by these tenets of my life. As I said above, I used to be a terrible perfectionist. I drove myself to exhaustion. I would be cleaning my house at midnight when my body desperately needed sleep and rest. Now to maintain peace and health in my life, I still keep a fairly clean home. However, since perfect cleanliness is no longer the end goal my expectations are far more reasonable. I am much more gentle and graceful with myself.
I love feeding my family healthy whole food. I would love to feed them organic and/or grass fed everything always cooked from scratch. But it would literally drive me to distraction. While trying to hold a standard of excellence for physical health, I would stress and fret alot and ultimately sacrifice emotional and mental health. So there are compromises made to maintain the balance of needs of my entire family.
I take alot more time to myself than most of the women I know. I run, I read, I meditate, and do alot of yoga. I seek inspiration from the bible when I am feeling a bit ragged and know sometimes nothing would do my soul better than meeting a friend for coffee and laughter until I am crying with joy. I guarantee you that all the time I take drastically increases my ability to be a loving wife, mother, and friend. Not running around feeling like I am going to drop and insisting on regularly refreshing my spirit as enabled me to the person I really wanted to be even though it took me a long time to realize it.
I won't lie, there are sacrifices. We live in a much less expensive house than many of our friends. Other than a recent exception, we buy used cars. We don't eat out alot or go out on the town with friends. I have to plan and save for many of our purchases even things some people think are harmless impulse. We miss some holiday gatherings that would be really fun because I keep our committments down to a minimum. We can't do every activity or field trip. We can't run in every race nor travel as much as others.
But I am more than happy with our decisions. We love our life and we would not change it. The peace and joy we are privilege to feel every day makes it all worthwhile.
So if you love your life as it is, that is great. But if you don't, if you are constantly feeling worn and exhausted, there is another way. You can choose a different path.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Yoga: First Bloom
I have practiced yoga on and off for years. I have happily sung its praises and encouraed people of all fitness levels to give it a try. It is simply one of those cool things that pretty much everyone can get something wonderful from it. I love that about yoga.
Lately, I have been taking my yoga practice much more seriously. I strive to incorporate it at least five times a week and I am giddy when I can fit in more. I would love to have daily hour and a half sessions but it is more like 30 minutes with some longer sessions thrown it.
The changes have been remarkable. First,let's get the physical stuff out of the way. I am much stronger. I am more lithe and my flexibility is increasing daily. Honestly, the physical changes are amazing. Oh, and my core is finally tightening and defining. After two csections 18 months apart in my mid 30's, that is a great thing!
But that mental and emotional changes make the physical look a bit on the shabby side. Mentally I have more clarity than I have for years. I can maintian focus and have a noticable increase in my intellectual acuity and creativity.
Emotionally I have been balanced and calm. In the past, I had leanred to control my anger an irritation when my children behaved in a manner I didn't care for. Now I often find those feelings of irritation and anger to be noticeably absent. They just aren't there. In addition, I find my expectations are much more reasonable in general. This is a great blessing.
I like the person I am becoming with regular yoga practice. I am eager to see where this path will lead. It feels like a great adventure. After years of eating healthy and caring for myself, I am astounded how good I feel. I have hopes yoga will increase those feeings of well being and take my health and wellness to new heights.
Namaste
Lately, I have been taking my yoga practice much more seriously. I strive to incorporate it at least five times a week and I am giddy when I can fit in more. I would love to have daily hour and a half sessions but it is more like 30 minutes with some longer sessions thrown it.
The changes have been remarkable. First,let's get the physical stuff out of the way. I am much stronger. I am more lithe and my flexibility is increasing daily. Honestly, the physical changes are amazing. Oh, and my core is finally tightening and defining. After two csections 18 months apart in my mid 30's, that is a great thing!
But that mental and emotional changes make the physical look a bit on the shabby side. Mentally I have more clarity than I have for years. I can maintian focus and have a noticable increase in my intellectual acuity and creativity.
Emotionally I have been balanced and calm. In the past, I had leanred to control my anger an irritation when my children behaved in a manner I didn't care for. Now I often find those feelings of irritation and anger to be noticeably absent. They just aren't there. In addition, I find my expectations are much more reasonable in general. This is a great blessing.
I like the person I am becoming with regular yoga practice. I am eager to see where this path will lead. It feels like a great adventure. After years of eating healthy and caring for myself, I am astounded how good I feel. I have hopes yoga will increase those feeings of well being and take my health and wellness to new heights.
Namaste
Friday, July 15, 2011
Dealing With Hard Times Intentionally
I am going through a rough time in one of my relationships. On the Meyer Briggs Test, I am an ENFJ. That NF in the middle tranlates to relationships are extremely important to me. Another translation is when I am experiencing difficulties in said relationships, I hurt deeply.
In the past I would allowed this to push me close to the deep end. I would have allowed my health to fall apart. I would have desperately run from dealing with the issue in an effort to avoid being overwhelmed by my own big emotions. Big emotions scare me. They have alot of power.
But a new day has dawned in my life. I know strive to live intentionally and authentically. That includes living authentically and honestly with myself, perhaps the hardest of all.
So here are a few things I am doing differently on this particular emotional rollercoaster.
- Food: Normally I would go one of two way, either stop eating or turn to rich, fatty comfort foods. The worst scenario is when I have managed to combine the two in some twisted, strange dance of starving and binging. This time I am intentionally choosing to eat healthier than I even normally do. I am increasing my fruits and veggies and my water intake. I am being even more selective.
-Exercise: I would normally fall of the exercise wagon and then proceed to wallow in my misery. I would quickly feel yucky, bloated, and out of shape. This, of course, would quickly ramp up my depression to new and unglorious heights. This go around I am faithfully adhering to my preset workout schedule. I don't care if I feel like it or not, I am determined to drag my grumpy butt to the starting point of each workout and push my self to do it.
-Dealing with the Issue: Directly confronting my feelings of loss, sadness, and disappointment is very hard. We all know this. I normally would run fast trying, and failing, to escape my problems. I feel my emotions strongly and deeply and can be quickly overwhelmed. But the truth is running away just makes it worse and harder to deal with it. So I am journaling (um, and blogging). I have confiding and relying on my amazing husband. He is a rock. I am leaning on my close friends. It is hard for me to make myself vulerable but it is good and necessary as long as your confidantes are safe and trustworthy.
- Loving My Littles: I am taking more time to love on my babies. Of course, this makes me feel better but it is more for them. Like their momma, they are both sensitive to emotions. No surprise, they are exceedingly sensitive to my emotions. I want them to be reassured that mommy is not upset with them. Also, I think it is very important our children see us experiencing and dealing with big emotions in healhty ways. How else shall they learn?
-God: Finally and probably the most important thing, I am seeking God in all of this. I am praying and reading more scripture. I am seeking Him as my ultimate source of wisdom, guidance, comfort, and peace. He never leaves me and will always hold me safely to Him.
So things are a hard but I am working through it. I am not going to lie, I much prefer happy times. But these times are necessary. These times are when the greatest growth and character development happen. In the times of great hardship is when we look into the mirror of who we really are. And it is the greatest opportunity to learn to dance in the storm. (Thank you Boom Crash Opera)
In the past I would allowed this to push me close to the deep end. I would have allowed my health to fall apart. I would have desperately run from dealing with the issue in an effort to avoid being overwhelmed by my own big emotions. Big emotions scare me. They have alot of power.
But a new day has dawned in my life. I know strive to live intentionally and authentically. That includes living authentically and honestly with myself, perhaps the hardest of all.
So here are a few things I am doing differently on this particular emotional rollercoaster.
- Food: Normally I would go one of two way, either stop eating or turn to rich, fatty comfort foods. The worst scenario is when I have managed to combine the two in some twisted, strange dance of starving and binging. This time I am intentionally choosing to eat healthier than I even normally do. I am increasing my fruits and veggies and my water intake. I am being even more selective.
-Exercise: I would normally fall of the exercise wagon and then proceed to wallow in my misery. I would quickly feel yucky, bloated, and out of shape. This, of course, would quickly ramp up my depression to new and unglorious heights. This go around I am faithfully adhering to my preset workout schedule. I don't care if I feel like it or not, I am determined to drag my grumpy butt to the starting point of each workout and push my self to do it.
-Dealing with the Issue: Directly confronting my feelings of loss, sadness, and disappointment is very hard. We all know this. I normally would run fast trying, and failing, to escape my problems. I feel my emotions strongly and deeply and can be quickly overwhelmed. But the truth is running away just makes it worse and harder to deal with it. So I am journaling (um, and blogging). I have confiding and relying on my amazing husband. He is a rock. I am leaning on my close friends. It is hard for me to make myself vulerable but it is good and necessary as long as your confidantes are safe and trustworthy.
- Loving My Littles: I am taking more time to love on my babies. Of course, this makes me feel better but it is more for them. Like their momma, they are both sensitive to emotions. No surprise, they are exceedingly sensitive to my emotions. I want them to be reassured that mommy is not upset with them. Also, I think it is very important our children see us experiencing and dealing with big emotions in healhty ways. How else shall they learn?
-God: Finally and probably the most important thing, I am seeking God in all of this. I am praying and reading more scripture. I am seeking Him as my ultimate source of wisdom, guidance, comfort, and peace. He never leaves me and will always hold me safely to Him.
So things are a hard but I am working through it. I am not going to lie, I much prefer happy times. But these times are necessary. These times are when the greatest growth and character development happen. In the times of great hardship is when we look into the mirror of who we really are. And it is the greatest opportunity to learn to dance in the storm. (Thank you Boom Crash Opera)
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Happy is NOT the Only Acceptable Emotion
The past few days have been rather rough. There were some very stressful things happen in our lives and I was having trouble choosing joy daily. Not only that, but we have all been dealing with a bug and that makes it even less fun. Yesterday found me just down and sort of blue. I tried everything to snap out of it but it was not working. I focused on my blessings, on beautiful things, on things that normally bring me joy and peace. Nothing. Then the mantra that I repeat over and over for this house and my children plastered itself smack in the middle of my mind"
Happy is NOT the only acceptable emotion. All emotions are valid.
Hmmm, I do say that alot. You see, I do not demand my children to be happy all of the time. I do not demand for them to perform emotionally for me or anyone else on command. We are learning to be civil but civil is not slapping a fake smile on your face and pretending everything is happy happy joy joy when you are honestly dying a bit on the inside. That would be fake and dishonest. And it wouldn't be Authentic. That is also a commnon word in our house. Our children are allowed to be sad, scared, crabby, and even angry. They can even say, are you ready for this? "I am angry with you mommy!" That it totally permitted. They are allowed to voice their disagreement or objection to well, anything. That doesn't mean the situation will change but I am adamant they should learn to respectfully disagree and understand their feelings and opinions matter.
I know alot of parents would rather their children not show or deal with big emotions especially in public. It can be inconvenient, embarrassing, and messy. But do we really want to teach our children to stuff all their emotions down and put on their happy, public face? Has that really worked for anyone? Ever? Let's look at it.
Teaching people to stuff their emotions has led to a huge group of people who can no longer express their emotions but instead eat them. By this I mean they turn to food. Then they are dealing not only with eating disorders or obesity but eventually all of those suppressed emotions are going to come screaming out. There are people who turn to alchohol and drugs to self medicate the pain away. Often that pain is caused or exacerbated by the inability to process emotions and feelings in a healthy way. Then there are the people pleasers. They have been taught their thoughts and feelings do not matter. They must never tell anyone no becuase that could be offensive. Even when they are completely overwhelmed, they put on their happy face and keep on for the sake of appearances even though they are a destroyed mess on the inside.
Examples of how stuffing your emotions can affect you negatively run rampant in our society especially among women. The point is I want better for my children. Um, I want better for myself. I want to be healthy, honest, open, and authentic. I don't want to slap on my happy face and trudge out into the world with a fake facade and a dying heart. Nope, don't want that at all.
There is another saying in this house, "Grace is for mommas too." It stems from our parenting technique. We believe in gentle parenting and grace based discipline. We do not believe that punitive or shaming behaviors will benefit our children. In fact, we believe they can cause severe harm and damage to our relationship. So we extend grace to our children. Some days, momma needs even more grace than the babies do. Being graceful and loving with myself is a very important lesson to teach my children.
So I stood in my sad little place and I thought about all of this. Of course, this realization and self forgiveness was the release my bad mood needed. After I worked through this process, my mood lifted and I felt the joy return with ease and fullness.
Is happy the only acceptable emotion in your home or in your life? Do you really think it is serving you well? Does what other people think really matter THAT much to you?
Happy is NOT the only acceptable emotion. All emotions are valid.
Hmmm, I do say that alot. You see, I do not demand my children to be happy all of the time. I do not demand for them to perform emotionally for me or anyone else on command. We are learning to be civil but civil is not slapping a fake smile on your face and pretending everything is happy happy joy joy when you are honestly dying a bit on the inside. That would be fake and dishonest. And it wouldn't be Authentic. That is also a commnon word in our house. Our children are allowed to be sad, scared, crabby, and even angry. They can even say, are you ready for this? "I am angry with you mommy!" That it totally permitted. They are allowed to voice their disagreement or objection to well, anything. That doesn't mean the situation will change but I am adamant they should learn to respectfully disagree and understand their feelings and opinions matter.
I know alot of parents would rather their children not show or deal with big emotions especially in public. It can be inconvenient, embarrassing, and messy. But do we really want to teach our children to stuff all their emotions down and put on their happy, public face? Has that really worked for anyone? Ever? Let's look at it.
Teaching people to stuff their emotions has led to a huge group of people who can no longer express their emotions but instead eat them. By this I mean they turn to food. Then they are dealing not only with eating disorders or obesity but eventually all of those suppressed emotions are going to come screaming out. There are people who turn to alchohol and drugs to self medicate the pain away. Often that pain is caused or exacerbated by the inability to process emotions and feelings in a healthy way. Then there are the people pleasers. They have been taught their thoughts and feelings do not matter. They must never tell anyone no becuase that could be offensive. Even when they are completely overwhelmed, they put on their happy face and keep on for the sake of appearances even though they are a destroyed mess on the inside.
Examples of how stuffing your emotions can affect you negatively run rampant in our society especially among women. The point is I want better for my children. Um, I want better for myself. I want to be healthy, honest, open, and authentic. I don't want to slap on my happy face and trudge out into the world with a fake facade and a dying heart. Nope, don't want that at all.
There is another saying in this house, "Grace is for mommas too." It stems from our parenting technique. We believe in gentle parenting and grace based discipline. We do not believe that punitive or shaming behaviors will benefit our children. In fact, we believe they can cause severe harm and damage to our relationship. So we extend grace to our children. Some days, momma needs even more grace than the babies do. Being graceful and loving with myself is a very important lesson to teach my children.
So I stood in my sad little place and I thought about all of this. Of course, this realization and self forgiveness was the release my bad mood needed. After I worked through this process, my mood lifted and I felt the joy return with ease and fullness.
Is happy the only acceptable emotion in your home or in your life? Do you really think it is serving you well? Does what other people think really matter THAT much to you?
Monday, May 2, 2011
Month of May Personal Challenge
I had every intention of challenging myself with three things this month, 20 minutes a day of yoga, 30 minutes daily hooping, and going sugar free. However, I am a firm believer you must embrace flexibility in order to fully live your life of abundance. A few things happened:
Two weeks ago in a fit of yuck, I gave up sugar early. I had intended for this to be only for the month of May but I have quickly refined my focus to incorporating it into my lifestyle. I did not realize the horrible grip sugar had on me. I feel incredible and I didn't feel that bad before. This is immendsely better. My sleeping issues just left. I am sleeping so soundly now and waking refreshed and ready for the day. Whole foods taste amazing. Finally, when the bloating in my abdomen left I was shocked. I did not understand at all the effect sugar had on me.
We have figuratively moved to Ireland. We have had so much rain I believe a displaced group of Irish refugee fairies have taken up residence in my now verdant and lush perennial garden. Although I am in pure love with my only two year old flowers, I can barely find enough dryness to hoop. Hooping inside is just not possible, so that challenge will wait. I will still hoop any day I can but I will not hold myself to a particular goal.
I did start my yoga challenge and it is lovely. I keep it to only 20 minutes as a goal because I am unable to truly practice with the children. I know, I know I can do yoga with the kids but it isn't the same. But I will probably be able to practice many days for much longer periods of time. I love yoga. It balances me in so many ways, physically and emotionally. When I practice regularly, I maintain a centered and content mind. It is amazing.
I am increasing my running because as I said last post, I am going for the full marathon. I am very excited about the training and the challenge it will be to my committment, determination, mental strength, and physical ability. I love reaching for goals that I am not quite sure I can make. It makes life...sweeter.
Two weeks ago in a fit of yuck, I gave up sugar early. I had intended for this to be only for the month of May but I have quickly refined my focus to incorporating it into my lifestyle. I did not realize the horrible grip sugar had on me. I feel incredible and I didn't feel that bad before. This is immendsely better. My sleeping issues just left. I am sleeping so soundly now and waking refreshed and ready for the day. Whole foods taste amazing. Finally, when the bloating in my abdomen left I was shocked. I did not understand at all the effect sugar had on me.
We have figuratively moved to Ireland. We have had so much rain I believe a displaced group of Irish refugee fairies have taken up residence in my now verdant and lush perennial garden. Although I am in pure love with my only two year old flowers, I can barely find enough dryness to hoop. Hooping inside is just not possible, so that challenge will wait. I will still hoop any day I can but I will not hold myself to a particular goal.
I did start my yoga challenge and it is lovely. I keep it to only 20 minutes as a goal because I am unable to truly practice with the children. I know, I know I can do yoga with the kids but it isn't the same. But I will probably be able to practice many days for much longer periods of time. I love yoga. It balances me in so many ways, physically and emotionally. When I practice regularly, I maintain a centered and content mind. It is amazing.
I am increasing my running because as I said last post, I am going for the full marathon. I am very excited about the training and the challenge it will be to my committment, determination, mental strength, and physical ability. I love reaching for goals that I am not quite sure I can make. It makes life...sweeter.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wow, It is Really Hard
I have been mostly sugar free for..5 days? I am not exactly sure because it has been incredibly hard. If I had any doubts about the insidious nature of sugar, I wouldn't now. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawals. Well, I guess I am a drug addict going through withdrawals. You know, if it walks like a duck, quacks like duck. Sugar is a drug and a nasty one.
I wasn't going to go completely sugar free until May 1st. I was just cutting out things like ice cream, cookies, cake, and the like right now. Well, it has been so rough I have decided to pull that band aid off immediately. This weekend will find me making homemade granola and some cookies for the kids. We are doing this right now.
My kids, oh my I feel terrible for the amount of sugar I have allowed. I am setting them on a path they will have to fight with for the rest of their lives. We are rectifying that situation right now. I won't make them go completely sugar free. Their natural peanut butter has sugar and the occasional cookie at grandma's is okay but it will be cut down drastically.
Why I have come to these dramatic measures? Since I have quit sugar I have had the shakes, headaches, extreme irritability, and serious fatigue. My energy has plummeted. Anyone who knows me irl would proably say no way. I am one of the most energetic people you will find. I have bottomed out. I am so emotional and downright depressed. It truly has been hard.
But all of that is nothing compared to what I experienced shopping last night. I was shopping for my kids Eeaster baskets. There are some neat things in those baskets, slinkies, kaleidoscopes, sun glasses, books, good stuff. But I decided to get one small thing of M&M's for them both. I went to the candy aisle. Now I am a chocolate snob. I don't eat most candy because I like GOOD chocolate. Ghirardelli will do but Godiva is my preference. So there was surrounded by cheap, yucky candy and I almost had an emotional breakdown from wanting it. I am not joking. I was shaking and broke out into cold sweats. It was somewhat traumatic to realize what this nonfood substance has done to my body. So, no more. I will break this addiction.
On the positive side, my husband is really the greatest husband ever. I have been impossible and he has been nothing but loving, caring, and supportive. He has been compassionate and gentle when I KNOW I have been downright silly. I am truly blessed to have him.
I wasn't going to go completely sugar free until May 1st. I was just cutting out things like ice cream, cookies, cake, and the like right now. Well, it has been so rough I have decided to pull that band aid off immediately. This weekend will find me making homemade granola and some cookies for the kids. We are doing this right now.
My kids, oh my I feel terrible for the amount of sugar I have allowed. I am setting them on a path they will have to fight with for the rest of their lives. We are rectifying that situation right now. I won't make them go completely sugar free. Their natural peanut butter has sugar and the occasional cookie at grandma's is okay but it will be cut down drastically.
Why I have come to these dramatic measures? Since I have quit sugar I have had the shakes, headaches, extreme irritability, and serious fatigue. My energy has plummeted. Anyone who knows me irl would proably say no way. I am one of the most energetic people you will find. I have bottomed out. I am so emotional and downright depressed. It truly has been hard.
But all of that is nothing compared to what I experienced shopping last night. I was shopping for my kids Eeaster baskets. There are some neat things in those baskets, slinkies, kaleidoscopes, sun glasses, books, good stuff. But I decided to get one small thing of M&M's for them both. I went to the candy aisle. Now I am a chocolate snob. I don't eat most candy because I like GOOD chocolate. Ghirardelli will do but Godiva is my preference. So there was surrounded by cheap, yucky candy and I almost had an emotional breakdown from wanting it. I am not joking. I was shaking and broke out into cold sweats. It was somewhat traumatic to realize what this nonfood substance has done to my body. So, no more. I will break this addiction.
On the positive side, my husband is really the greatest husband ever. I have been impossible and he has been nothing but loving, caring, and supportive. He has been compassionate and gentle when I KNOW I have been downright silly. I am truly blessed to have him.
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