So I was implying some big changes happened for me in the past month. Now that it is the last day of March I feel I can talk about it. It has been amazing and I truly feel like a new person. Exciting times, I tell ya.
There were three things I undertook. Two have flourished in my life and the third had to be tossed onto the back burner until the kids are older/sleeping better. I want to share my failures and successes with you because I feel they are probably equally important and we can learn amazing lessons from either.
The first thing I did was to undertake a daily yoga practice. This was not a month's challenge. Nope, I entered into this committment with the mindset it could be for life. I cannot predict the future but I have a strong feeling this was could just stick. It is honestly hard to write about the changes, hard to find the words. I am just so different. I feel me calm, balanced, spiritually less cluttered. The other day at the park I received one of the coolest compliments evah. This lady told me my movement was just effortless. Totally the daily yoga.
It isn't always easy. Remeber I have a 2 and 4 year old in this house. Some morning Logan will join me and you know it is beyond adorable. Somedays they ignore more. Then there are others way more interactive as the play ring around the rosie around me or chase each other under my down dog. It has added a new level of complexity and can be ...interesting at times.
But it has really taught me to just live my life where I am. I cannot wait for the perfect moment to do something. Nope, I grab the momement, savor it, and decided it is good enough for now. It has really brought me a new appreciation for mindful and intentional living. Besides, my kids see me doing yoga all the time. Heck, I pracitice yoga at home before my morning yoga class. I want them to see this.
The next change was my eating. I have really went off the deep end with this healthy eating thing. And let me tell you, the water is just fine. I returned to my vegetarian roots. I am starting to veer more and more vegan but I am not sure if I will ever give up greek yogurt and kefir completely. I have also become even more of a whole food junkie. Seriously people, as I sit here typing this I am munching on some of the sweetest canteloupe and some crackers I made myself with nothing be seeds. You can go ahead and call me a granola girl as long as the granola is made with honey and not processed sugar.
Again the side affects are nothing short of miraculous. I thought I felt good before these changes. I cannot believe how flippin' amazing I feel now. Oh and my skin and hair are gorgeous. I swear I look 10 years younger. I happily go without makeup half the time because my skin just glows with good health.
Now the last thing, yep it was a failure but that is okay. It is all good. Recently I went to a couple of meditation seminars. They were wonderful and the practice is nothing short of transformative. But.....I have littles in my house. The act of trying to create a regular meditation time was causing me a great deal of stress and consternation. So I let it go.
Yep, I just let it go. There will be time for it later.
That is probably the best lesson of the whole month. Sometimes a very good thing is not good for us at the moment. Doesn't mean it will always be that way. Our lives change some often and rapidly. In six months Logan's sleeping could change and enable me to rise early and put a meditation practice in place. When it happens I will rejoice, love it, and savor the changes. But until then I am perfectly content to just let it go.
I am content. I am content in my space, my body, my place in life, in well, everything.
That is a beautiful and wondrous thing.
Peace my sweet friends.
Showing posts with label contentment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label contentment. Show all posts
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Flow and Learning to Go With It
Today I was supposed to go on a really cool outing with my bestie. We do not have the time to hang out all day for the most part so it was going to be amazing. We carefully planned it several weeks ago. At the last minute, her son became ill. This kid is almost never sick but sick he was and our day was cancelled. Was it disappointing? Yes, but not nearly as much as it would have been even a few weeks ago.
Why? Because I have been learning to let go of expectations and just go with the flow. Go with the flow of the day, the visit, the whatever. Live the moment as it unfolds. I have been trying to just show up and see what happens without having a preplanned script or scenario mentally typed up in my head. Let's just see what happens.
This may sound fairly mundane to many of you but to me, it is huge. I am a recovering overacheiving perfectionist and control freak. Thoughout my life I have had the intelligence, charisma, manipulation skills, and sheer stubbornness to get my way in most things. I could orchestrate and steer a situation to give the desired outcome. But it cost alot. I was not as kind, loving, or gentle as I wanted to be, as I knew I needed to be for my own peace and contentment. Manipulation sucks and does great wrong to others. Also, what did I cost myself in experience? If I had not been so controlling and had let things develop naturally, I think the outcomes may have far exceeded my narrow minded scenario.
Not very long ago, we had some freaky money stuff. Let's just say, it could have been very scary and rather detrimental to our overall financial health. There were two ways of handling it, freak out and worry and see which one of us could manifest ulcers first, or.....let it go. Each day we did what we could to make the best of the situation and then just let it go. It wasn't going to make anything better to dwell and fret. In fact, I can easily see where it would have made the whole thing worse. I am so grateful for that amazing learning experience!
So now each day I wake up and we have our plans and routines but if they don't come to fruition or if something comes up, I am very flexible on letting it go and see where the day takes us. It has resulted in some amazing experiences we would not have had if I had stubbornly insisted we hold course.
I highly recommend this just going with it and see where the day, the moment takes you.
Why? Because I have been learning to let go of expectations and just go with the flow. Go with the flow of the day, the visit, the whatever. Live the moment as it unfolds. I have been trying to just show up and see what happens without having a preplanned script or scenario mentally typed up in my head. Let's just see what happens.
This may sound fairly mundane to many of you but to me, it is huge. I am a recovering overacheiving perfectionist and control freak. Thoughout my life I have had the intelligence, charisma, manipulation skills, and sheer stubbornness to get my way in most things. I could orchestrate and steer a situation to give the desired outcome. But it cost alot. I was not as kind, loving, or gentle as I wanted to be, as I knew I needed to be for my own peace and contentment. Manipulation sucks and does great wrong to others. Also, what did I cost myself in experience? If I had not been so controlling and had let things develop naturally, I think the outcomes may have far exceeded my narrow minded scenario.
Not very long ago, we had some freaky money stuff. Let's just say, it could have been very scary and rather detrimental to our overall financial health. There were two ways of handling it, freak out and worry and see which one of us could manifest ulcers first, or.....let it go. Each day we did what we could to make the best of the situation and then just let it go. It wasn't going to make anything better to dwell and fret. In fact, I can easily see where it would have made the whole thing worse. I am so grateful for that amazing learning experience!
So now each day I wake up and we have our plans and routines but if they don't come to fruition or if something comes up, I am very flexible on letting it go and see where the day takes us. It has resulted in some amazing experiences we would not have had if I had stubbornly insisted we hold course.
I highly recommend this just going with it and see where the day, the moment takes you.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Quiet Change
Yesterday on a relatively ordinary day two things happened without fanfare, without noise that could very well my change my life. It is strange to sit here calm and content with the knowledge that something quite large has occurred. Strange but lovely. The two things were we decided to go vegetarian and I went to a meditation seminar.
Let's tackle the easier of the two first. I have been a vegetarian on and off for years. I think the longest was 5ish years. I don't really know. My mind prefers to not think in an overtly linear manner. Hee hee, it seems my mind has a mind of its own. Oh yes, I do think I am funny. Anywho, yep anywho, I just prefer it. It is the right choice for me. I am not going to start on a crusade to let you know why you need to join me. Nope, I am not about that. Each person makes their own choice. But for me I feel better physically, mentally, and spiritually. Maybe someday I will go all wild and crazy and go vegan. Or maybe not, this is the right choice for this moment.
Okay, the second is just really hard for me to put into words. I am fairly sure that whatever I say will be very simplistic, childlike even and that is okay. The truth is I am a total newbie at this stuff and I will treat myself with great deal of love, compassion, and laughter. It is best, don't you think? But I will give it a whirl to even start putting this into words.
Yesterday I went to a meditation seminar. I have really increased and deepened my practice in yoga and this seemed the natural next step. I have caught glimpses of what could be in shiva asana but it was rare. Rare but beautiful and enticing to learn more. So off I bee bopped to learn to meditate.
I could try to lay it out step by step, moment by moment but I don't think I will. I walked out of that studio a changed woman. The depth of my calm was astounding. What I experienced is very hard to put into words that won't deprive the experience of the magnitude that was. I think one thing to say is that for fractions of seonds, very very small fractions, I achieved clarity. About what? No idea. But it was there and it was absolutely breathtaking. Silly to write a blog post about something you don't have words for but there you go. I do love me some silly.
This morning I awoke calm and content. I wish I could report I stayed that way but no I did not. First off, we had become vegetarian!! That meant a complete menu change. Also, for us that still means whole food vegetarian which translates into alot of prep work. I spent my day cooking, cutting, prepping, and cleaning. I found myself easily frustrating and irritated. My emotions threatened to swamp and overwhelm me. Then I realized the problem, I had experienced something huge yesterday. That kind of experience is often followed by the dredging up of big, not always pleasant emotions and can leave your overwrought and wrung out. Must have grace for oneself!
Thankfully I found some time to myself this afternoon. I was able to do a short yoga session and then meditate for the first time on my own. It was hard! It is going to take alot of discpline, loving, kind discipline. My mind cracks me up as it flits and prances here and there. I set a timer so I would not have to look at a clock. I made it, I stayed there until my timer went off. I feel exponentially better.
Who knows, this may be a fad for me. I think it is not but I cannot guarantee it with certainty and I won't try. I do believe I have the discipline and mental brawn to stay the course. It also feels like a very natural progression in my path.
My path has really been opening up and evolving lately. Each day I become more who I am meant to be. I find myself going back to my liberal, hippie-ish roots and I am so very happy here. I feel my life, heart, and spirit blossoming and expanding without the bonds of social conformity. I would not have believed I was conforming but each day I see that I was and I just don't want to anymore.
Peace and Namaste
Let's tackle the easier of the two first. I have been a vegetarian on and off for years. I think the longest was 5ish years. I don't really know. My mind prefers to not think in an overtly linear manner. Hee hee, it seems my mind has a mind of its own. Oh yes, I do think I am funny. Anywho, yep anywho, I just prefer it. It is the right choice for me. I am not going to start on a crusade to let you know why you need to join me. Nope, I am not about that. Each person makes their own choice. But for me I feel better physically, mentally, and spiritually. Maybe someday I will go all wild and crazy and go vegan. Or maybe not, this is the right choice for this moment.
Okay, the second is just really hard for me to put into words. I am fairly sure that whatever I say will be very simplistic, childlike even and that is okay. The truth is I am a total newbie at this stuff and I will treat myself with great deal of love, compassion, and laughter. It is best, don't you think? But I will give it a whirl to even start putting this into words.
Yesterday I went to a meditation seminar. I have really increased and deepened my practice in yoga and this seemed the natural next step. I have caught glimpses of what could be in shiva asana but it was rare. Rare but beautiful and enticing to learn more. So off I bee bopped to learn to meditate.
I could try to lay it out step by step, moment by moment but I don't think I will. I walked out of that studio a changed woman. The depth of my calm was astounding. What I experienced is very hard to put into words that won't deprive the experience of the magnitude that was. I think one thing to say is that for fractions of seonds, very very small fractions, I achieved clarity. About what? No idea. But it was there and it was absolutely breathtaking. Silly to write a blog post about something you don't have words for but there you go. I do love me some silly.
This morning I awoke calm and content. I wish I could report I stayed that way but no I did not. First off, we had become vegetarian!! That meant a complete menu change. Also, for us that still means whole food vegetarian which translates into alot of prep work. I spent my day cooking, cutting, prepping, and cleaning. I found myself easily frustrating and irritated. My emotions threatened to swamp and overwhelm me. Then I realized the problem, I had experienced something huge yesterday. That kind of experience is often followed by the dredging up of big, not always pleasant emotions and can leave your overwrought and wrung out. Must have grace for oneself!
Thankfully I found some time to myself this afternoon. I was able to do a short yoga session and then meditate for the first time on my own. It was hard! It is going to take alot of discpline, loving, kind discipline. My mind cracks me up as it flits and prances here and there. I set a timer so I would not have to look at a clock. I made it, I stayed there until my timer went off. I feel exponentially better.
Who knows, this may be a fad for me. I think it is not but I cannot guarantee it with certainty and I won't try. I do believe I have the discipline and mental brawn to stay the course. It also feels like a very natural progression in my path.
My path has really been opening up and evolving lately. Each day I become more who I am meant to be. I find myself going back to my liberal, hippie-ish roots and I am so very happy here. I feel my life, heart, and spirit blossoming and expanding without the bonds of social conformity. I would not have believed I was conforming but each day I see that I was and I just don't want to anymore.
Peace and Namaste
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Early Days
I am amazed how much my brain was fogged and distracted. My head is clearing rapidly and it is amazing. The closest thing I can compare it too is being drugged. My senses and thought processes had really become that dulled and fuzzy. Amazing. Just amazing.
So what I am doing with my new found clarity? Lots of things, actually.
The kids and I have been crafting up a storm. We made lots of decorations for Valentine's Day which they are fascinated with for some reason. We have hung hearts all over the house with heart garland. Logan is extremely proud of his creations. I love that. I also started to teach them very beginning needlepoint. I bought burlap, yarn, plastic needles, and embroidery hoops. It worked out extremely well. Hannah really focused on her project for a long time. I am going to pull out some iron ons this afternoon and prep an embroidery project for myself. I am not wanted to knit right now but embroidering some tea towels is enticing. I want to make and embroidery some new pillows for the living room but I need to practice.
Cooking has been going strong. Aside from the daily whole food prep and cooking, I have tried some new things. My first batch of homemade Greek yogurt is going strong. Sadly, I believe my first attempt at whole wheat English muffins is going to be a bust. Oh well, it is the first time I have ever worked with yeast so it is a learning experience.
I have been reading and writing a great deal more. I am filling my journal with many of the thoughts and speculations bursting forth. I love to see the pages fill up with not-so-neat writing. The not-so-neat part indicates I am passionate and excited, too het up to pay too much attention to penmanship. As it should be. I am reading two wonderful books, "A Simple Path" by Mother Thereasa and "Trick of Light" by Louise Penny. Both are excellent so far.
Other than that I am just spending time with the kids. We laugh alot, dance, sing, and cuddle. And we talk, and talk, and talk. I have two children that may just talk more than me. You can all feel very sad for John because I am not sure he will ever get another word in a conversation in this house. Poor guy.
I have been able to really think about the schooling choices we are making for a children. Unschooling is working extremely well for us right now and I believe it will for some time to come. I am so grateful I am in the right place to really think about all of this. It is truly a gift.
Overall, I am having a great time and enjoying myself. I wish this for every, single, one of you.
So what I am doing with my new found clarity? Lots of things, actually.
The kids and I have been crafting up a storm. We made lots of decorations for Valentine's Day which they are fascinated with for some reason. We have hung hearts all over the house with heart garland. Logan is extremely proud of his creations. I love that. I also started to teach them very beginning needlepoint. I bought burlap, yarn, plastic needles, and embroidery hoops. It worked out extremely well. Hannah really focused on her project for a long time. I am going to pull out some iron ons this afternoon and prep an embroidery project for myself. I am not wanted to knit right now but embroidering some tea towels is enticing. I want to make and embroidery some new pillows for the living room but I need to practice.
Cooking has been going strong. Aside from the daily whole food prep and cooking, I have tried some new things. My first batch of homemade Greek yogurt is going strong. Sadly, I believe my first attempt at whole wheat English muffins is going to be a bust. Oh well, it is the first time I have ever worked with yeast so it is a learning experience.
I have been reading and writing a great deal more. I am filling my journal with many of the thoughts and speculations bursting forth. I love to see the pages fill up with not-so-neat writing. The not-so-neat part indicates I am passionate and excited, too het up to pay too much attention to penmanship. As it should be. I am reading two wonderful books, "A Simple Path" by Mother Thereasa and "Trick of Light" by Louise Penny. Both are excellent so far.
Other than that I am just spending time with the kids. We laugh alot, dance, sing, and cuddle. And we talk, and talk, and talk. I have two children that may just talk more than me. You can all feel very sad for John because I am not sure he will ever get another word in a conversation in this house. Poor guy.
I have been able to really think about the schooling choices we are making for a children. Unschooling is working extremely well for us right now and I believe it will for some time to come. I am so grateful I am in the right place to really think about all of this. It is truly a gift.
Overall, I am having a great time and enjoying myself. I wish this for every, single, one of you.
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