Alright, this blog is all about honesty so here it is. I am really struggling right now. There are all kinds of little things coming together to culminate is some bizarre, farcical rendition of Mr Toad's Wild Ride. First my training is HARD. Did I mention hard? Running 8 miles just exhausts me. Logan is into everything. He has learned to manipulate the child gates. Did I mention he is only 21 months old?? He is seriously a walking mess maker that hits when he is angry. Oh and does he get angry. Hannah is coming on her half year disequilibrium (3 1/2) and life has become dramatic, argumentative, whiny, and LOUD. The house is more of a mess than I am comfortable with on a daily basis. Eating healthy whole foods is proving to be a challenge. And we are going to buy a new car. I am actually excited about the last but serious even though it is well thought, planned, and we can afford it, the idea of spending the money it will take to buy a mid sized suv makes me want to vomit. Basically life is crazy and a bit rough.
Now that I have thrown out all the problems on the table, I guess I need to figure out what to do about them. I am a doer and I cannot just let them hang out. Drives me nuts. First and foremost, I am maintaining a positive attitude or desperately trying to each day. I know that makes me sound like Miss Suzy Sunshine on Prozac but seriously, what will getting all down, pouty, and weepy do for me?? Nothing, so I am going with forced cheeriness when necessary. It isn't fake if you admit to it, upfront and wholeheartedly.
The training is what it is. I knew it would be hard. I have never run this hard or this much in my life. Truthfully, it wouldn't mean very much if it was easy. So I shall continue on with my plan. OH, and be oh so very grateful that my husband rocks and is crazy supportive in all of this.
The kids, that is a biggie. We don't spank, don't yell, don't shame but honestly, these are the times that the rubber hits the road on these convictions. These are the times that test how serious you are about the whole thing. Well, we are that serious. One of the biggest problems has been screen time, for everyone including momma. I somehow went from not being okay at all with tv for kids to allowing them to watch absolutely sickening amounts. And now Hannah wants to play on the computer. One of the things all this enabled me to do was to spend far too much time on the computer. Well, we are all on strict lockdown. They are now limited to 1/2 hour in the morning and 1/2 hour after nap. I have put myself on a strict schedule as well. This will help, after the withdrawals, with alot of the drama around here. We already back to more reading, more crafts, and more time together. I love it and so do the kids.
The house just has to be as it is. It isn't scary filthy just not to my standards. Obviously, it is time to drop those standards for awhile. I am going to take this as another lesson in adjusting and being flexible for the season of life. Then I will indulge in a madcap spring cleaning spree in May. That will be happy.
Food is a tricky one, something has to give. You can eat nasty food for quick and cheap. Not going to do that. I am not going to work out this hard to trash my body. You can eat cheap and healthy if you are willing to put in the time to prep and do the work. Well, right now time is at a premium. So we are left with the only good option, we are going to eat healthy food prepped by someone else that costs a silly amount of money. It is only for 7-8 weeks so it is doable for right now. But it hurst my frugal little heart a bit.
As far as the car, I really am excited. We are looking at a Kia Sorrento or a Hyandai Verracruz. We are a super active and on the go family and we need more room to support that lifestyle. Also, I really want to be able to take mama and papa with us to things like the Forest Park Balloon Glow and the Our Lady of the Snow lights at Christmas. The kids adore spending time with them. It isn't a bad thing to hesitate before spending such a large sum of money. It makes you really think before you do it.
So it is a crazy time in life but there are still a myriad of opportunities to be intentional and grow. Maintaining a good attitude has been crucial. I am happy to see we are standing firm in our parenting convictions even when times are super tough. We will get through this and we will be better for it on the other side. Good times are great and wonderful. I love them. But it is during the tough times, the hard times, you can come to understand you are stronger and more flexible than you thought or if you find it hard, it points out where you need to change. That is always a wonderful thing when you look back on it.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
What Running Has Taught Me About Life
So I am training for a half marathon so I spending alot of my time, well, running. It also gives me a great deal of time to think. I have not been a runner very long, maybe 3 years but it has quickly become a very important part of my life. I have learned many lessons that made my running more efficient, more enjoyable, and better able to serve my health and life. I have found that these lessons can easily transfer to life.
Lesson #1 You are competing against yourself not against the person on the next treadmill or near you on the race course. Technically, if you are racing I guess you are sort of competing against the person next to you but not really. Some of you may be elite athletes that have the ability to take a top prize in a field of 20,000 but I don't. My race, my competition is really about me. Can I beat my time? Can I get a better split? etc. Life is like that too. Stop competing with the lives of people around you and live your life the very best you can. You have no reason to live up to them. None.
Lesson #2 You have to put in the time. For the most part, people just can't wake up one morning as say, "Hmmm I don't have much to do today. I think I will go run 13 plus miles.", especially if they have never run as a practice before. Getting to that goal means hours and hours of just pounding pavement or the treadmill belt due to this wicked winter. You have to put in the time and allow you mind and body to make the slow steps to reach their goals. I find the same is true in life, you have to be willing to do the work. I know a few amazing people who have the coolest dreams but they NEVER succeed. Why? Because they are not willing to do the work each day to achieve them. Once it turns to work they lose interest or motivation. The daily grind is what will truly make the difference.
Lesson #3 You have to learn to relax This has proven to be crazy important to running longer and longer distances. When I first started running I would tense up in my shoulders, neck, and upper back. I guess the stress and strain of this new physicality was settling there. It made the run so hard and often left me with a headache. Then one day, I learned I had to consciously and deliberately relax those muscles. It was hard! But I used to yoga techniques to focus my breath and release those muscles. I was going for a sort of loose, rangy feel. Then one day it clicked and FREEDOM! It was incredible. All of a sudden I had more energy and endurance. My runs refreshed me rather than leaving me achey and sick feeling. I now relax unconsciously when I feel that tensions. Life is pretty much like that too. If we insist on living in a hyper state of anxiety, tension, and worry, it quickly affects our health, our attitude, our lives! Learning to relax and deliberately release tension can combat these negative affects. In any situation, you can only do what you can do. After that worry is not productive. I have found yoga and hooping to be of the utmost importance for this. What can I say? I love to be totally Zenned out.
Lesson #4 You have to treat your injuries properly You are running great. You are making it to all of your runs. Your time is fabulous. Then you feel that tendon or muscle pull. Nooooooo!!! It is so very uncool. But the worst thing you can do is to tough it out. Eventually, you will do more damage and force yourself into a longer recovery. You have to take care of these injuries, if that means ice your foot, do it. If it means completely rest for 6 weeks, you better do it if you want to heal. Life throws some nasty curve balls. Sometimes things happen and it is bad. Sometimes, we don't even bear a teeny tiny particle of responsibility for situations we now must deal with. This is where self care comes to play. I have found that many women, especially those who are wives and mothers, take some of the worst care of themselves. They put everyone else first and neglect their spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health. Then the inevitable happens....crash and burnout! It doesn't have to get to that point. Take care of yourself! Whatever that means to you. In fact, preventative care, of both injuries and burnout, should fall under this lesson. Learn it! Live it! Fall in love with it!
Lesson #5 You have to show up This could fall under putting in the time but I think it is different enough and uber important. No matter what you do, if you don't show up and run, what is the point? So I beg of you, show up to your life! Get away from the tv, shut the computer down, turn you phones off, whatever you have to do and show up huge for your life. Please don't be the person at the zoo glued to Facebook while your children BEG for you to pay attention. They will stop begging eventually and you will have missed out on something wonderful. Please don't choose to watch untold hours of tv and then claim you don't have time to workout, eat healthy, spend more time witht he kids, whatever. I want you to get to the end of your life and say, "Wow, I had an amazing life!!" not, "Wow, I watched ALOT of tv and computer screens." I promise you will want to say the first one.
So that is it, some of the lessons I have learned from running. I hope you get something out of it. If not, you can just be grateful this was not a year form now. If it was the title would have been "Out of the Blue Bloody, Nasty Diaper Rashes andWhat I Have Learned From Them".
Peace, Love, and Joyful Hooping!
Lesson #1 You are competing against yourself not against the person on the next treadmill or near you on the race course. Technically, if you are racing I guess you are sort of competing against the person next to you but not really. Some of you may be elite athletes that have the ability to take a top prize in a field of 20,000 but I don't. My race, my competition is really about me. Can I beat my time? Can I get a better split? etc. Life is like that too. Stop competing with the lives of people around you and live your life the very best you can. You have no reason to live up to them. None.
Lesson #2 You have to put in the time. For the most part, people just can't wake up one morning as say, "Hmmm I don't have much to do today. I think I will go run 13 plus miles.", especially if they have never run as a practice before. Getting to that goal means hours and hours of just pounding pavement or the treadmill belt due to this wicked winter. You have to put in the time and allow you mind and body to make the slow steps to reach their goals. I find the same is true in life, you have to be willing to do the work. I know a few amazing people who have the coolest dreams but they NEVER succeed. Why? Because they are not willing to do the work each day to achieve them. Once it turns to work they lose interest or motivation. The daily grind is what will truly make the difference.
Lesson #3 You have to learn to relax This has proven to be crazy important to running longer and longer distances. When I first started running I would tense up in my shoulders, neck, and upper back. I guess the stress and strain of this new physicality was settling there. It made the run so hard and often left me with a headache. Then one day, I learned I had to consciously and deliberately relax those muscles. It was hard! But I used to yoga techniques to focus my breath and release those muscles. I was going for a sort of loose, rangy feel. Then one day it clicked and FREEDOM! It was incredible. All of a sudden I had more energy and endurance. My runs refreshed me rather than leaving me achey and sick feeling. I now relax unconsciously when I feel that tensions. Life is pretty much like that too. If we insist on living in a hyper state of anxiety, tension, and worry, it quickly affects our health, our attitude, our lives! Learning to relax and deliberately release tension can combat these negative affects. In any situation, you can only do what you can do. After that worry is not productive. I have found yoga and hooping to be of the utmost importance for this. What can I say? I love to be totally Zenned out.
Lesson #4 You have to treat your injuries properly You are running great. You are making it to all of your runs. Your time is fabulous. Then you feel that tendon or muscle pull. Nooooooo!!! It is so very uncool. But the worst thing you can do is to tough it out. Eventually, you will do more damage and force yourself into a longer recovery. You have to take care of these injuries, if that means ice your foot, do it. If it means completely rest for 6 weeks, you better do it if you want to heal. Life throws some nasty curve balls. Sometimes things happen and it is bad. Sometimes, we don't even bear a teeny tiny particle of responsibility for situations we now must deal with. This is where self care comes to play. I have found that many women, especially those who are wives and mothers, take some of the worst care of themselves. They put everyone else first and neglect their spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health. Then the inevitable happens....crash and burnout! It doesn't have to get to that point. Take care of yourself! Whatever that means to you. In fact, preventative care, of both injuries and burnout, should fall under this lesson. Learn it! Live it! Fall in love with it!
Lesson #5 You have to show up This could fall under putting in the time but I think it is different enough and uber important. No matter what you do, if you don't show up and run, what is the point? So I beg of you, show up to your life! Get away from the tv, shut the computer down, turn you phones off, whatever you have to do and show up huge for your life. Please don't be the person at the zoo glued to Facebook while your children BEG for you to pay attention. They will stop begging eventually and you will have missed out on something wonderful. Please don't choose to watch untold hours of tv and then claim you don't have time to workout, eat healthy, spend more time witht he kids, whatever. I want you to get to the end of your life and say, "Wow, I had an amazing life!!" not, "Wow, I watched ALOT of tv and computer screens." I promise you will want to say the first one.
So that is it, some of the lessons I have learned from running. I hope you get something out of it. If not, you can just be grateful this was not a year form now. If it was the title would have been "Out of the Blue Bloody, Nasty Diaper Rashes andWhat I Have Learned From Them".
Peace, Love, and Joyful Hooping!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Passing the Time in Deep Winter
Today I am truly not sure if I have nothing to say or everything to say. I just want to write. It is deep winter here in Missouri. It is cold and icy. Me and the nature kids are not digging it. We need to be outside exploring and sink into the natural world, preferably the warm natural world. We are all a little cranky and alot unsettled. One thing brightened my mood, I was reading an climate report for our area and it said although it can be very cold, our winter is relatively short. When I think about it objectively I understand that is true. When I am cold and have cabin fever I know that it is going to last forever!!!! So I am focused on passing the time hopefully with some joy.
I am in the process of acquiring some pen pals. I am talking honest to goodness letter writing people. I will write them a letter. They will write me a latter. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Hopefully. That is how is should work. I love writing old fashioned letters. Now I am going to write them to strangers and hopefully they will be very cool, groovy, hip mommas in their own special way. I am looking forward to it!
The training for the half marathon is crazy. It is good but oh my goodness what have I done. I am starting to move into the middle part. The intial zeal is worn off and the race is not imminent. I think this is the most important part, the daily grind. My job is to show up and do my schedule. Mother Nature has tried to thwart me but I keep showing up. I missed two work out due to ice and sort of freaked. I have momentum, don't blow it! I am learning alot from this experience. I am really pondering and studying mental toughness. I think that is the key. Actually, I think mental toughness and self discipline is the key to life not just a race.
Hooping. I long more than you can imagine to grab my hoop daily and hoop outside. But it is too stinking cold! So I go to hoop jams and workshops. I am super excited about the next workshop from the St Louis Hoop Club. It will be four part and have things like belly dance, poi, hoop fusion, and other somethings. It is called Circus Fusion.
So this is me trying to get through the deep winter with a real smile on my face, joy in my heart, and sanity in tact. It just might work. Like everything, it is a time of learning. I am seeing beauty in the ordinary. There is so much incredible wonderfulness as my toddler laughs and runs away from me just begging me to chase. And the wonder, it is spectacular. My beautiful 3 year old angel sit in the window and watches the snow. Delight lights up her eyes and she says, "Momma, its snowing. It is beautiful. Merry Christmas!" Okay its February but who cares? She is so stinking amazing. So I guess I am passing the time this in deep winter with goals, dreams, and the beyond belief blessings of family.
I am in the process of acquiring some pen pals. I am talking honest to goodness letter writing people. I will write them a letter. They will write me a latter. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Hopefully. That is how is should work. I love writing old fashioned letters. Now I am going to write them to strangers and hopefully they will be very cool, groovy, hip mommas in their own special way. I am looking forward to it!
The training for the half marathon is crazy. It is good but oh my goodness what have I done. I am starting to move into the middle part. The intial zeal is worn off and the race is not imminent. I think this is the most important part, the daily grind. My job is to show up and do my schedule. Mother Nature has tried to thwart me but I keep showing up. I missed two work out due to ice and sort of freaked. I have momentum, don't blow it! I am learning alot from this experience. I am really pondering and studying mental toughness. I think that is the key. Actually, I think mental toughness and self discipline is the key to life not just a race.
Hooping. I long more than you can imagine to grab my hoop daily and hoop outside. But it is too stinking cold! So I go to hoop jams and workshops. I am super excited about the next workshop from the St Louis Hoop Club. It will be four part and have things like belly dance, poi, hoop fusion, and other somethings. It is called Circus Fusion.
So this is me trying to get through the deep winter with a real smile on my face, joy in my heart, and sanity in tact. It just might work. Like everything, it is a time of learning. I am seeing beauty in the ordinary. There is so much incredible wonderfulness as my toddler laughs and runs away from me just begging me to chase. And the wonder, it is spectacular. My beautiful 3 year old angel sit in the window and watches the snow. Delight lights up her eyes and she says, "Momma, its snowing. It is beautiful. Merry Christmas!" Okay its February but who cares? She is so stinking amazing. So I guess I am passing the time this in deep winter with goals, dreams, and the beyond belief blessings of family.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sparkly Glitter and Bright Hair Bows
Hi, my name is Karen and I am a soccer mom failure. I cannot wear matching sweatsuits with a perky haircut. Don't get me wrong, that is totally cool if that is you but it just isn't me. It makes me feel so fake and blah! Deep down in my heart I am a sparkly fairy ready to burst forth and spread sunshine and rainbows. There are days I really want to wear a tiara because I think it is pretty. I like clothes with glitter. I really do. There it is, my admission.
There was a time in my life I said, when I am 70, I am going to wear a tiara and sparkly purple eyeshadow. I am going to wear a feather boa to Walmart if I deign to do so that day. I am not longer care what people think and I will let my personality really shine through.
Well kids, hold on because it looks like 70 has come 30 plus years early. I have decided I am going to live out that attitude now while I can still dance wildly dressed in glitter and feathers. And I have my hoop and the freeing nature hoopdance to thank for it. So thank you hoop! Thank you hoopdance! I love you!
Somewhere in my head, it became embedded that I had to become more conservative and reserved as I became older. Now that I was a mother, I had to put a public face on and be more dignified.Well I have decided I don't wanna. Besides, I am not a mother, I am one hip, groovy momma and I am going to stay that way. I am going to buy ruffly shorts to hoop in and have a friend make me sparkle filled colorful hairbows to put in my hair. I am even going to wear glitter eyeshadow and I am going to love life while I do it. If anyone has anything nasty to say I can guarantee they aren't loving life as much as I am. Besides, my husband things it is sexy. And that is a good enough reason on its own.
Seriously though, why do we hide behind clothes that aren't really us and practice hobbies that are proper for our stage of life but we don't really have much interest in? You can be a mature, responsible adult and wear fairy wings if you so choose. You really can. Why do we find it necessary to hide away parts of our personality in order to be more acceptable to others? We are fearfully and wonderfully made with all our quirks and eccentricities. God loves us for who we are not for some public persona we might pretend to be.
So my question to you is, are you hiding? Are you covering up some quirks that others might think strange? I guarantee you we all have them. Is this inhibiting you to leading you life fully, outloud, and with abundance? If so, are you willing to have the courage and step out as you truly are? I hope you join me. I think it is going to be an incredible adventure.
I gotta go, I have to design my hairbows and get my friend to make them for me
There was a time in my life I said, when I am 70, I am going to wear a tiara and sparkly purple eyeshadow. I am going to wear a feather boa to Walmart if I deign to do so that day. I am not longer care what people think and I will let my personality really shine through.
Well kids, hold on because it looks like 70 has come 30 plus years early. I have decided I am going to live out that attitude now while I can still dance wildly dressed in glitter and feathers. And I have my hoop and the freeing nature hoopdance to thank for it. So thank you hoop! Thank you hoopdance! I love you!
Somewhere in my head, it became embedded that I had to become more conservative and reserved as I became older. Now that I was a mother, I had to put a public face on and be more dignified.Well I have decided I don't wanna. Besides, I am not a mother, I am one hip, groovy momma and I am going to stay that way. I am going to buy ruffly shorts to hoop in and have a friend make me sparkle filled colorful hairbows to put in my hair. I am even going to wear glitter eyeshadow and I am going to love life while I do it. If anyone has anything nasty to say I can guarantee they aren't loving life as much as I am. Besides, my husband things it is sexy. And that is a good enough reason on its own.
Seriously though, why do we hide behind clothes that aren't really us and practice hobbies that are proper for our stage of life but we don't really have much interest in? You can be a mature, responsible adult and wear fairy wings if you so choose. You really can. Why do we find it necessary to hide away parts of our personality in order to be more acceptable to others? We are fearfully and wonderfully made with all our quirks and eccentricities. God loves us for who we are not for some public persona we might pretend to be.
So my question to you is, are you hiding? Are you covering up some quirks that others might think strange? I guarantee you we all have them. Is this inhibiting you to leading you life fully, outloud, and with abundance? If so, are you willing to have the courage and step out as you truly are? I hope you join me. I think it is going to be an incredible adventure.
I gotta go, I have to design my hairbows and get my friend to make them for me
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Warm, Spring Dreams
I had a great run today. Right now I feel satisfied yet mildly fatigued. It is a good feeling. I feel relaxed. Training for this half marathon is hard, physically and mentally. It is making me dig deeper and go further in so many surprising aspects. But that isn't on my mind too much right now. Right now I am dreaming of warm spring days.
I think you can both live in the moment and let yourself dream. I don't think it is oxymoronic at all. Actually, I think it a great way to express a well rounded life. The past and the future are not really seperate from us. We shouldn't live there or obsess but it is a part of us. I love watching pictures of when my sweet babies were newborns. I can see through experienced eyes and appreciate those times all the more. And times like today when I am relaxed and lazing a bit, I dream of the future. Today, I dream of spring.
I really don't like cold weather. Nothing grows outside. It smells cold and forbidding to this earth loving momma. I love the smell of wet earth ready to burst forth with life. I love the smell of the soft,gentle winds that bring warmth and cleansing breath. I even love the smell of spring storms that rise up quickly and violently. They scare me a bit but they also remind me that I am truly alive. The feel of warm sun on my face never fails to delight my heart. Feeling my hair lifted by the breeze that playfully flings it across my face is Joy, Delight, so many good things. This year I am eager to hear the musical laughter of my children as they play on our yet to be bought and installed playscape. I long to hear their calls as we explore nature and go on walks. I am excited to answer Hannah's multitude of questions and the listen to her musings as we plant our first garden together. I dream of feeling the warmth of my husband's chest as I lean against him and we watch our precious babies discover their world. I dream of all of this and more. It is beautiful to me.
To me, life has always felt cyclical. The ebb and flow join together and give you a particular rhythym to live by. After this half marathon, I am devoting the rest of April, May, and June to yoga and hooping. I want to take the time to allow my body to heal from the intense physical exertions and give my mind time to find balance and peace. I am looking forward to the training and the race but I am looking forward to the recovery as well. After that, who knows? I want to do aerial silks and I have an interest in bellydance and learning Bollywood but that furture is vague. I think I will save those dreams for a different day.
I think you can both live in the moment and let yourself dream. I don't think it is oxymoronic at all. Actually, I think it a great way to express a well rounded life. The past and the future are not really seperate from us. We shouldn't live there or obsess but it is a part of us. I love watching pictures of when my sweet babies were newborns. I can see through experienced eyes and appreciate those times all the more. And times like today when I am relaxed and lazing a bit, I dream of the future. Today, I dream of spring.
I really don't like cold weather. Nothing grows outside. It smells cold and forbidding to this earth loving momma. I love the smell of wet earth ready to burst forth with life. I love the smell of the soft,gentle winds that bring warmth and cleansing breath. I even love the smell of spring storms that rise up quickly and violently. They scare me a bit but they also remind me that I am truly alive. The feel of warm sun on my face never fails to delight my heart. Feeling my hair lifted by the breeze that playfully flings it across my face is Joy, Delight, so many good things. This year I am eager to hear the musical laughter of my children as they play on our yet to be bought and installed playscape. I long to hear their calls as we explore nature and go on walks. I am excited to answer Hannah's multitude of questions and the listen to her musings as we plant our first garden together. I dream of feeling the warmth of my husband's chest as I lean against him and we watch our precious babies discover their world. I dream of all of this and more. It is beautiful to me.
To me, life has always felt cyclical. The ebb and flow join together and give you a particular rhythym to live by. After this half marathon, I am devoting the rest of April, May, and June to yoga and hooping. I want to take the time to allow my body to heal from the intense physical exertions and give my mind time to find balance and peace. I am looking forward to the training and the race but I am looking forward to the recovery as well. After that, who knows? I want to do aerial silks and I have an interest in bellydance and learning Bollywood but that furture is vague. I think I will save those dreams for a different day.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Banishment
I am sad to say that I have fallen victim to caring too much about what a scale says about me. You can be walking along feeling great about life and accidently stumble onto a scale. I shouldn't get on, you think to yourself. But then, you do. That silly number can then wreak havoc on your mood. It is not okay!
Your weight is just one measurement of the whole of your health. There are so many other numbers, tests, and factors that need to be considered. Why does this one little number bother us so much? I don't have an answer. Societal conditioning? Some secret sense of masochism? Looking for a reason to beat ourselves up? Penance for forgotten sins? I don't know. And I don't care because I am banishing my scale, at least for the next several months if not longer.
When I started training for this half marathon I was 15-20lbs over where I need to be for my best physical shape. I have a bad back and extra weight counts alot. Also, I truly intend to shimmy up aerial silks for one of my summer's adventures so that is another consideration. And before anyone who knows me flips about me being too thin, a goal weight of 120-125lbs at 5'3 with a very small frame is not extreme. But I digress from my tale of banishment. I know me, I can either focus on losing this weight or I can focus on training for this half. I really can't do both at the same time. If I pay attention to weight there is a good chance I will cut food that I very much need to gain the muscle and endurance for this race. So I have made a promise to myself I will not get on a scale until after the race is over.
But that made me think, what if I just stay off the scale after the race is done? What if I just eat healthy and lead a very active lifestyle and let that be that? Is it crazy? Is it healthy? Can I do it? I think it may be crazy but a very good crazy. I think it may be the most healthy thing I could do both emotionally and physically. I might just be able to do it. Stay off the scale other than the obligatory once a year physical.
You see, I have another motive. I do not want to pass on my issues with food, weight, and body acceptance to my beautiful, gorgeous, perfect just as she is Hannah. I do NOT want my daughter to be poisoned with the bizarre and invasive body issues that abound in our culture. I don't want her to look in the mirror and see a false ugly rather than true beauty like her mother did. It has taken me so long to be comfortable with my body, to celebrate its unique beauty and the amazing, wondrous things God designed it to do. It has been a hard and heartbreaking battle I do not want my precious child to experience. So I think I may just banish that scale and the little number that is inflated beyond, so far beyond, its importance.
So I think I am going to give it a go and experience life without a scale. I hope that ultimately it brings me to greater acceptance of my innate beauty and myself and sets an example for my daughter. I want her to know how very special and amazing she is no matter what.
Your weight is just one measurement of the whole of your health. There are so many other numbers, tests, and factors that need to be considered. Why does this one little number bother us so much? I don't have an answer. Societal conditioning? Some secret sense of masochism? Looking for a reason to beat ourselves up? Penance for forgotten sins? I don't know. And I don't care because I am banishing my scale, at least for the next several months if not longer.
When I started training for this half marathon I was 15-20lbs over where I need to be for my best physical shape. I have a bad back and extra weight counts alot. Also, I truly intend to shimmy up aerial silks for one of my summer's adventures so that is another consideration. And before anyone who knows me flips about me being too thin, a goal weight of 120-125lbs at 5'3 with a very small frame is not extreme. But I digress from my tale of banishment. I know me, I can either focus on losing this weight or I can focus on training for this half. I really can't do both at the same time. If I pay attention to weight there is a good chance I will cut food that I very much need to gain the muscle and endurance for this race. So I have made a promise to myself I will not get on a scale until after the race is over.
But that made me think, what if I just stay off the scale after the race is done? What if I just eat healthy and lead a very active lifestyle and let that be that? Is it crazy? Is it healthy? Can I do it? I think it may be crazy but a very good crazy. I think it may be the most healthy thing I could do both emotionally and physically. I might just be able to do it. Stay off the scale other than the obligatory once a year physical.
You see, I have another motive. I do not want to pass on my issues with food, weight, and body acceptance to my beautiful, gorgeous, perfect just as she is Hannah. I do NOT want my daughter to be poisoned with the bizarre and invasive body issues that abound in our culture. I don't want her to look in the mirror and see a false ugly rather than true beauty like her mother did. It has taken me so long to be comfortable with my body, to celebrate its unique beauty and the amazing, wondrous things God designed it to do. It has been a hard and heartbreaking battle I do not want my precious child to experience. So I think I may just banish that scale and the little number that is inflated beyond, so far beyond, its importance.
So I think I am going to give it a go and experience life without a scale. I hope that ultimately it brings me to greater acceptance of my innate beauty and myself and sets an example for my daughter. I want her to know how very special and amazing she is no matter what.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Finding My Place in the Circle
Hooping. I love it. I truly do. Hooping has giving me more than I could have imagined. Last summer, I was toying with the idea of poi. Through researching poi, I discovered hooping and hoop dance. I thought it would be a cool, quirky thing to play with so I gave it a whirl. I ordered my first adult size hoop from Hoopnotica and signed up for beginning lessons with the St Louis Hoop Club. And my love affair was born.
From the first moment, I found hooping to be this amazing, zen thing. I would start the hoop around my waist and the cares and troubles of the day fall away. I found peace in the rhythmic movement. I hooped outdoors so it meant I spent a greater amount of time outside and with nature. I have hooped to some amazing sunsets and a couple of incredible sunrises. Each one was a gift to behold.
Hooping challenges me in many ways. First, it is great physical exercise. It tones and shapes your core like nothing else. It has also given me a flexibility and suppleness of movement I have not experienced for two decades at least. Another challenge is the myriad and infinite variety of tricks to be learned and mastered. Some are quite easy, others are hard, and some are downright painful to learn. The final challenge hooping has presented me with is the ability to let go of my inhibitions, lose myself in the music and the dance, and just hoop unfettered by fears such as someone could be watching or judging. Just open my heart and let my soul sing with the rhythm it finds. Amazing.
I attended a Fusion Movement Seminar today. It was an experience I shall savor in coming days. A group of forty or so people that were willing to look like fools, drop props, and be silly all in the name of discovering movement. Hooping and learning with this group was freeing. We played with hoops, mini hoops, staffs , and finally, at long last, my poi. I played with poi for the first time today. Of course, the first thing I did was smash myself in the nose...really hard. Pain gave way to numb which turned back to pain and then dissolved into laughter. You get bruises playing with flow toys. You get bruises when your neighbor flings their toy into you. It is the way of learning. I now of a cool floral Hawaiian looking pair of poi to play with.
The greatest gift my hoop practice has given me is a comfort with myself that was fleeting before now. I am more at home with my own physicality than I have ever been. I am more assured being the person I truly am. I am far more comfortable in my own skin. There has truly been a fusion in my life bringing many aspects together to progress further on the path I am meant to follow. So I will continue my journey to find my place in the circle.
From the first moment, I found hooping to be this amazing, zen thing. I would start the hoop around my waist and the cares and troubles of the day fall away. I found peace in the rhythmic movement. I hooped outdoors so it meant I spent a greater amount of time outside and with nature. I have hooped to some amazing sunsets and a couple of incredible sunrises. Each one was a gift to behold.
Hooping challenges me in many ways. First, it is great physical exercise. It tones and shapes your core like nothing else. It has also given me a flexibility and suppleness of movement I have not experienced for two decades at least. Another challenge is the myriad and infinite variety of tricks to be learned and mastered. Some are quite easy, others are hard, and some are downright painful to learn. The final challenge hooping has presented me with is the ability to let go of my inhibitions, lose myself in the music and the dance, and just hoop unfettered by fears such as someone could be watching or judging. Just open my heart and let my soul sing with the rhythm it finds. Amazing.
I attended a Fusion Movement Seminar today. It was an experience I shall savor in coming days. A group of forty or so people that were willing to look like fools, drop props, and be silly all in the name of discovering movement. Hooping and learning with this group was freeing. We played with hoops, mini hoops, staffs , and finally, at long last, my poi. I played with poi for the first time today. Of course, the first thing I did was smash myself in the nose...really hard. Pain gave way to numb which turned back to pain and then dissolved into laughter. You get bruises playing with flow toys. You get bruises when your neighbor flings their toy into you. It is the way of learning. I now of a cool floral Hawaiian looking pair of poi to play with.
The greatest gift my hoop practice has given me is a comfort with myself that was fleeting before now. I am more at home with my own physicality than I have ever been. I am more assured being the person I truly am. I am far more comfortable in my own skin. There has truly been a fusion in my life bringing many aspects together to progress further on the path I am meant to follow. So I will continue my journey to find my place in the circle.
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